DO I tell my son about his biological father?

that is a hard question. a friend of mine was adopted at a very early age and she grew up with the knowledge that she was adopted, but also with the knowledge that the ones who adopted her also loved her much more than being the biological parents as she was choosen by them not just given. so what ever you decide to do in the end it will be the right decision for you and your husband and that little boy who now will have a father that loves him.

A father is someone who loves, nutures, supports and is there for the child regardless of genetics. If Christian loves and cares for Jeremiah, theres no need to mention Michael. Perhaps when Jeremiah is 18 you can tell him and let him choose if he wants his biological father in his life. One of my favorite movie quotes comes from the movie Parenthood. Keanu Reeves character says "you have to have a license to fish, or drive a car, even your dog has to have a license, but anybody can have a child." You are very lucky to have Christian in your life. He sounds like a wonderful man, hold on to him.

Well, I think that Jeremiah has a right to know who his biological father is but that he must also know that his bio father has no interest in him at this time. It would be any question posed from any adopted child as well. My sister was adopted, and she knew that she did not belong to her adoptive parents before they even told her that she was adopted (She found us ten years ago)... She said she knew that by the time she was 4 she knew she was adopted...mostly because she was very dark, and her family were all very light and blonde. Her adoptive mother is the nicest lady in the world and she and my mom have talked and hugged and cried together about my sister. so It was definitely an amazing thing to find out...

I believe you should tell him he is a lucky boy to have two fathers. He has Christian who is one father that lives with him and loves him and would do anything for him. The second father called Michael lives far away and wants to meet him when he is a man. Maybe tell him that both Daddys' love him very much but only one Daddy can live with him and that Michael wants Christian to be the Daddy because he can't be there.

He has a right to know. There may be genetic or health reasons he will need to know later on. But more importantly, he needs to know he can trust his mother. If you are not honest about the biology, he will never trust you about anything ever again. And parents who wait until the child is "old enough" are making a mistake. When you do that, you eventually reach a point where you have to admit to your child you've been lying to him about something huge. If you just matter-of-factly tell him the facts from the beginning, he will accept it much more easily, and won't have any problem knowing who his real dad is (and by that I mean the man who cares enough to raise him). Having some big dramatic revelation down the line will be a bad thing and a shock to his system. If he knows about it before he's even old enough to understand it, it won't be a big deal.

there is nothing wrong in telling ur son abt that..but u do this after he bcomes mature enough to understand...a 4 yr old boy cant undersatnd the relations ..i guess ...rather he ld be confused!!!

I would tell him a later age,when he is 18 or 21 and when he will understand better why you did it. Good luck

I am in a similar position to yours, i have a 4 year old boy named bayley, and he calls my fiance matt although he see's him as his dad, Matt is not his dad but his biologcal father has chosen to have nothing to do with him, Matt and i are planning to get married September next year and he will adopt my son But i still feel that your son along with mine have to be told the truth about it all and i have already started telling my son about it! I wish you luck!

This is a difficult question. I feel about it this way though... A child should always be aware of its roots, also if the parents don't live together anymore. Even if the (in this case) father doesn't want any contact. However, a real parent is the one taking care of the child and supporting it during its growing up years. I'm an adopted child myself so I know what I'm talking about. I'm fully aware of my biological parents, but the ones I consider as my parents are the people who've been by my side through all the years. Just my 2 cents...

i think u shuld knw what to do, u shuld knw whether he is strong enough to knw such a fact, but if he is not ready, he will probably take it the wrong way, and his life will get messed up, u should tell 'em when the time is right, its the best thing for everybody!!!

i absolutely agree that you should tell him. when you feel he is old enough to understand.. probably not at 4 but maye soon over the next couple of years.. i would say alot of the time by 4th or 5th grade they know enough from what they learn in class (through science and such) that they may be able to figure it out on their own.. and that is worse.. because he may feel betrayed.. that could make for a difficult teenage period if he is to lose his trust in you right before the typical "rebellious" stage moves in! he is your son and you know him best.. you shouldnt hide it from him.. but rather explain that you did IN TRUTH what was best for him!.. and a FATHER is someone who raises a child any one can HAVE a child. that doesnt make it theirs.. be honest with him .. when he is old enough.. his father is whos been there all along.. but make sure that if he says that he wants to meet him.. tell him you would only like for that to happen when he is of adult age (or close 16+) for his own wellbeing.. that he make not like the type of person that his biological father is and you dont want it to affect the "man" he is becoming.. you'd like him to wait till he is a grown man and is able to judge for himself if he'dlike to consider a relationship with a man who never persued a relationship with him.

i believe that u should tell him when hes mature enough to understand. Who knows how he might feel at a younger age, i dotn think we want to know. It may be a very heavy blow that he cant take. When older like 18,20ish he will be able to tank this blow and understand the whole concept. Like how u didnt leave him he actually left u so thats a good part of it. He will be alot better and u kno itll take alot of stress off ur own shoulder too. Ive never had this experience but a friend of a friend of a friend of mine has. Trust me ull feel alot more chilled out when u tell him. Itll feel like u both have got that much closer, not saying that u arent close alrdy. But i mean the closer the better!

I would say that you should be open to the possibility of telling your son about his bio-father at some point. He may be too young to deal with it now or even comprehend it, but he may gradually start having some awarenesses as he gets older and making those connections, and you will have to be ready to answer them. I have a friend who has this same situation. Her daughter was 3 when she met and married a wonderful man who then adopted her daughter, and the bio-father didn't want anything to do with her. They eventually went on to have more kids, and her oldest began to question things like why she didn't look like any of them. My friend was always honest with her about the situation, without badmouthing the bio-father for his choice. I say, just be open to the eventual questions, and don't hide the fact from your son--be honest. He will grow up and realize that it takes more then genetics to make a father. The last thing you want is for your son to find out by accident about having a bio-father. Again, honesty is the best policy. You don't have to say your bio-father didn't want anything to do with you, but be tactful. As for my friend, her daughter eventually got to the age where she was soul searching her identity and she needed to know and meet her bio-father. The experience was good for her, because she got to learn about him and make her own mind up about him--and she eventually drew her own conclusion that her bio-father is worthless, which was better for her to do on her own then have mom badmouth him to her. Now, she appreciates her "real dad" even more.

i suggest you tell your son about his real dad. my friend learned about her real mom when she was already in high school. prior to that, she had great relationship with her foster mother but after she learned that truth, she became rebellious and started treating her badly. eventually she ran away and tried to locate her real mom. but when she finally found her, the mom didnt wnat anything to do with her. when your son is much much older, it will be difficult how to approach the subject already. And also, what if all of a sudden, the real dad shows up and wants to see his son? It could happen you know. Tell him now before it's too late.

I think if the biological father does not want anything to do with him I would wait until he is older to explain. I also want to say I think it is wonderful that your husband is adopting your son. In his eyes he probably feels that he is the only father your son will ever have or need. This is the way my husbands adopted father feels. My husband found out he was adopted at 11 years old. At that time he met his biological mother. It was not until he turned 21 that his mother told him his biological fathers name and gave him a picture. We have tried to locate his biological father but have been unable to do so. My husband is just curious about him but unsure of what his reaction will be as he does not know my husband exists.

My sympathy is with you and your son but i think its better you tell him now and prepare him for the worst before its too late. Also one day there is 99% chances that he'll get to know about it.

I do not think you should hide it from him... but he is so young that he may have a hard time understanding. Waiting until he is 18 can lead to some problems... you know the finding him and the rebeling thing. So just be open and honest with him when he is able to understand better. Make sure that he knows that Christian is his Dad, but Micheal is his father. Anyone can be a father but it takes something special to be a dad!

Yes i think you need to as I do not know my Father and my Mum still refuses to tell me his name I am now 45 I have a Disability and I can not tell my Doctor if it was in my Dads Family or not as I have no clue who he is and what the History is there Out of Experience I will say let him know as it is not nice not knowing anything and it does cause Problems later on in Life so please tell him

i guess he is too young to understand the arrogance he will face from his father if he meets him. try building stories to keep him convinced but dont spill the beans till he is at least 10 years. you know these things can have a grave psycoliogical effect on the child so let him enjoy his childhood for now. and dont feel bad if you have to tell him lies because you are doing it all for his benefit, and when you finally decide to let the facts out do it gradually

I think that you should tell him about his father! I know it seems best not to tell him because his father is not there for him or anything but you should still tell him. If your son gets older and finds out himself or by somebody else it would hurt him very badly. I don't know if you are planning to tell him that the other guy is his dad or not. I think that if you are this is how you should do it........ I think you should tell your son from the start that his real daddy isn't a part of his life because he is not smart but that this guy your with now is gonna adopt him and be his step dad. I hope that your son will understand if you tell him this! Believe me I have seen this get hidden from a child before and its not pretty. You should just start off being honest with your child so there aren't any surprises. You never know when the other guy will pop back up into your life.