Health Concessions (MyLot Exclusive #980)

Tweet

Deaf jokes aren't funny, I don't want to hear them. ----------------Unknown I am about to make a very disturbing confession. Prepare to be shocked right out of your pants. If you prefer to remain pantsed, go elsewhere. Right now. Fairly warned be ye, says I. I have capitulated to the Fake News Propaganda Pushing Alarmist Woke Liberal Nanny State Mob by starting to wear Hearing Protection when I mow. Just while using the riding mower, though. Wearing Hearing Protection while using the push mower is still too outlandishly ridiculously unthinkable. Even for me. I'm too ashamed to say that this isn't the first time I've made embarrassingly laughable Health Concessions due to Liberal Lies...But I will say it, anyway, so my Editor, Style Manual, can't accuse me of being too short again...A lot of them relate to Hearing Protection. I stopped listening to Black Sabbath records at full volume through headphones. I stopped sitting in the front row at Who concerts. I started wearing earmuffs when I shoot ((That isn't a clever way to get something very fun and naughty past the Censor in this case. Earmuffs is what they call the things that look like headphones that protect your ears)) Et al. But they weren't all hearing-related. For instance, I started wearing a parachute when I skydive. But that one wasn't because I got taken in by paranoid delusional health danger conspiracy fantasy stories. It was because if I hear, "Sir, you really shouldn't jump out of a plane unless you're wearing a parachute," one more time, I'm gonna scream ((#NaggingWorksSometimes)). And many years ago, I started smoking filtered cigarettes. I'm 28 now, so that was long before you were even born. There are a few more examples but you get the idea and you can see that this has been going on for a long long time. Speaking of smoking, have you noticed that the Surgeon General has gotten much better at messaging? I just opened a pack of cigarettes that had this Warning on it: `````` Smoking Causes Low Birth Weight, Cancer And The Reelection Of Donald Trump In 2024. `````` I am seriously considering quitting now. With that in mind, let's go to last night and see what the Cosmic Universal Anthem Monologue Of The Month Club Monologue For Today is. ************** #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue Jan 6th Hearings Are Can't-Miss TV | How Drunk Was Rudy Giuliani On Election Night? 700,186 views Jun 13, 2022