I finally got to see my Poppy....
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
Perth, Australia
August 15, 2022 8:52pm CST
As a lot of you know, my Poppy (grandfather) is in a residential aged care home as he has dementia. For personal reasons, it's been really difficult trying to go see him. I was finally able to go see him on Friday 5th August. (I'm putting the date here so I remember this day).
The last time I saw him was on Christmas day last year. I was a bit nervous seeing him as his moods are all over the place nowadays due to the horrible disease.
My dad and Nanny see him a lot but sometimes they go there and leave straight away when he is in a bad mood. The stories he has convinced himself of changes but it's always along the lines of him thinking he was put there as Nan doesn't love him anymore or even thinking she's with another man. He goes through terrible times thinking she has passed away or my dad has left the country to which makes him cry uncontrollably. It's really heartbreaking.
Other times he gets really angry that he will throw things and swear at my dad and Nan.
On the day I was able to see him, my dad and Nan went inside. I cannot go in. But once they were in his room and saw he was in a good mood, my dad waved at me through the window. I walked up to the window and I heard my Nan say "There's someone at the window." He saw me and was so happy. I'm happy to know he remembers me. That was another thing I was worried about. He saw me and placed his hand on the window and I placed my hand on his. If I could I would have cuddled him. I am glad I had my mask on because I was starting to cry. My Poppy sat in his chair and we talked a bit.
I'm just really happy to have seen him. I'm also happy that some days later he remembered me being there. I hope he still remembers.
****photo is of my Poppy and Nanny in his room. This was not taken on the day I was there. It's from another time****
24 people like this
23 responses
@sallypup (61761)
• Centralia, Washington
16 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 My Mom had dementia. I kept going by telling myself her behavior was the dementia, not the Mom I'd known earlier.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@sallypup Thank you so very kindly. It truly is. 
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@sallypup I'm so sorry your mum suffered with it. I think you telling yourself that is perfectly fine because you are right. Sadly dementia does alter the personality. 
*sending you big hugs*
*sending you big hugs*1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (161010)
• United States
16 Aug 22
That is such a hard disease. I am glad you got to see each other.
3 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@GardenGerty It truly is. And thank you so kindly.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
16 Aug 22
That is such a sad and happy moment you had with him. I think it is really hard to deal with someone you love but with dementia. All you can do about that is to be patient with him if he is not in good mood. With the pandemic going on it is more difficult to visit them since you can bring the virus with him.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@rsa101 I agree. I am always patient with him. Even if he says the same things over and over or asks me the same thing over again, I just act as if I heard it for the first time. I could never get frustrated with him or anybody suffering with a horrible illness such as this.
That is very true. The only reasons I have been unable to visit him is due to the virus.
Thank you kindly.
Thank you kindly. 1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
17 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 Yeah that is where your unconditional love will be tested to its limit. I am glad that you do not give up on him since that is what they needed although at times they seem to not care but they do when they are ok.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
27 Aug 22
@rsa101 I would never ever give up on my Poppy. There are a lot of family members I'd never give up on. Some others though....questionable. But never on my Poppy. I want him to be happy any time it's possible.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (472160)
• Switzerland
17 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 - I understand very well how you was feeling. It is a mix of happiness and sadness, but you must be happy because you met him and he recognized you.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@LadyDuck 100%. Very very happy and grateful. 
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@LadyDuck Thank you kindly Anna. I am so happy. After saying goodbye to him I went back into the car and I starting crying while waiting for my dad and nan to get back. But I just kept saying out loud to myself "It's ok it's ok I am so grateful to see him." I said it over and over to try calm myself as I didn't want to be caught crying (I don't like people knowing I'm crying - no idea why).
I was both happy and sad. Sad I cannot see him often and happy that I could that day.
I am so happy. After saying goodbye to him I went back into the car and I starting crying while waiting for my dad and nan to get back. But I just kept saying out loud to myself "It's ok it's ok I am so grateful to see him." I said it over and over to try calm myself as I didn't want to be caught crying (I don't like people knowing I'm crying - no idea why).
I was both happy and sad. Sad I cannot see him often and happy that I could that day.1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137802)
• United States
16 Aug 22
It's really difficult when a loved ones memory starts playing tricks on them. I'm glad you went to see him and he was okay then. He'll remember you as long as he can.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@DaddyEvil That is so very true. I know it's very hard for both parties. Thank you so very kindly.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137802)
• United States
17 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 You're very welcome.
I am going through something similar. My oldest sister has dementia and remembers my name but when I went to visit her, she kept asking why "that dude" was in her house. My niece keeps calling and asking me to visit but I... just don't want to go through that again. (Yes, I know I'm an a** but she didn't know me... She just knew she had a brother named Robb and kept asking for him. 
)
I am going through something similar. My oldest sister has dementia and remembers my name but when I went to visit her, she kept asking why "that dude" was in her house. My niece keeps calling and asking me to visit but I... just don't want to go through that again. (Yes, I know I'm an a** but she didn't know me... She just knew she had a brother named Robb and kept asking for him. )1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@DaddyEvil oh I am so sorry. My eyes teared up reading that, truly it makes me so sad and no way do I think you're an a**. If anything, I can truly understand that a lot.
The best I can say is you know your feelings and they are extremely valid. I know you mean nothing negative about it. It's just hard. You're protecting your feelings.
I know you mean nothing negative about it. It's just hard. You're protecting your feelings.1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (41785)
• United States
16 Aug 22
Bless your heart. I know that will always be a special memory for you.
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (41785)
• United States
16 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 His mom said he's not too bad. Playing his video games. I hate that he'll be three days late starting 8th grade, though.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@1creekgirl Thank you so very kindly. It will always be a special memory for sure.
How is your grandson doing? I hope he is doing alright!
How is your grandson doing? I hope he is doing alright!1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@1creekgirl I am glad he isn't so bad at the moment. I am sure playing his games will occupy him.
Sorry he will be a bit late for his new grade. Not a good start but hopefully he can pick it back up when it gets there.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@AmbiePam aw thank you so much. He has asked about me quite a lot in the months he has been at this place. So I know he has been missing me. It truly is horrible and so cruel, I agree.
He has asked about me quite a lot in the months he has been at this place. So I know he has been missing me. It truly is horrible and so cruel, I agree. 1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (90547)
• Arvada, Colorado
16 Aug 22
So glad Dani you finally got to see him bless xo
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@RebeccasFarm Thank you so very much.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@RebeccasFarm No need to be sorry at all. I thank you for being here considering you're not doing well. I hope you get some good rest and just look after yourself.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (69200)
• United States
16 Aug 22
I hate that stinking disease. You lose your loved one twice: once when they forget you and then when they pass. My prayers for your family, and I’m so glad you got to visit with him.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@FourWalls That is so very true. It's such a horrible and heartbreaking disease.
Thank you so very kindly for your lovely comment.
It's such a horrible and heartbreaking disease.
Thank you so very kindly for your lovely comment. 1 person likes this
@everwonderwhy (7376)
•
17 Aug 22
I'm so happy to see your Granddad in a safe place, being looked after. Is the nursing home close by in Perth where you live?
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@everwonderwhy aw thank you so very kindly! He is roughly 30 minutes away from where I live. So little bit of a drive there and back.
He is roughly 30 minutes away from where I live. So little bit of a drive there and back.1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@everwonderwhy Yeah that is always a good thing for sure.
1 person likes this
@everwonderwhy (7376)
•
17 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 Thankfully, lockdowns in Australia are over.
1 person likes this
@Nakitakona (56484)
• Philippines
19 Aug 22
That shows he would be starting remembering things. That's a good thing.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
20 Aug 22
@Nakitakona He has dementia. His memory will not improve. He remembers most family. Some he doesn't know. Sometimes he doesn't even know which part of Australia he is in. So sadly, no, his memory isn't improving. He only remembers so much.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
23 Aug 22
@Nakitakona Thank you for that.
1 person likes this
@Butterfingers (66583)
• India
17 Aug 22
Glad you were able to visit them and had a good time because we all like to stay in touch with our grandparents and family
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@Butterfingers Thank you so very kindly.
1 person likes this
@Butterfingers (66583)
• India
17 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 So I have lost track of a lot of things, And I hope you don;t mind me asking some questions 
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14701)
• Hong Kong
16 Aug 22
Good to know that you were able to see your grandfather. Dementia is a terrible disease. My aunt had this. At the later stage, she couldn't even remember her sons and daughters. She passed some time ago.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@Beestring I am so sorry to know about your Aunt having this. It's very terrible just like you said.
Thank you so kindly for your comment.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@Beestring That is a good age. And I agree, no more pain for your sweet Aunt.
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14701)
• Hong Kong
17 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 My Aunt passed away when she was over 90. At least no pain.
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17853)
• Mombasa, Kenya
23 Jan 23
I pray for your pop so that dementia move away from him.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
24 Jan 23
@Treborika Thank you kindly. Sadly, he will not get better with it. Dementia only declines and never gets better. It can only be managed but never better.
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17853)
• Mombasa, Kenya
24 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 I wish him a good luck
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
23 Aug 22
I didn't realize it has been so long since you got to see him. Last Christmas!! But finally, you did get your wish. 
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
29 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 *Back at ya!*
I hope YOU are in a good space too.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
16 Aug 22
@CarolDM aw thank you so very much.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (38893)
•
20 Aug 22
Oh, that had to be hard, to not get to go in and maybe give him a hug. But I am glad you got to see him, and he knew you and remembered.
Dementia is a mean, mean disease. It steals away family members with only an occasional glimpse of who they used to be, the face is the same, but the person is really gone. And it's often very hard for them to control their temper. I do hope you get to see him again, Danielle.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
27 Aug 22
@MarieCoyle It is very hard. We are hoping that when it's warmer weather, he can come sit outside so I can hug him. I don't want to cry in front of him but I think that will make me cry.
Everything you said is so so true. It's just so horrible on both parties, really is.
Thank you so very kindly for your caring comment.
@Natalie3126 (123)
•
17 Aug 22
Hoping your Poppy and Nanny having a great day reading this makes me miss my Grandpa and grandma too, they lived far away and with the great weather we cant go visit them for a while
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@Natalie3126 aw thank you so much!
I am so sorry to know that your Grandpa and Grandma live far away and you cannot go see them. That makes me sad that you miss them so. *sending you big hugs* I hope you can see them whenever it's possible!
That makes me sad that you miss them so. *sending you big hugs* I hope you can see them whenever it's possible! 1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60803)
• Perth, Australia
17 Aug 22
@Natalie3126 You're so welcome and thank you too.
1 person likes this
@Natalie3126 (123)
•
17 Aug 22
@VivaLaDani13 aww thankyou.. *sending back big hugs*
1 person likes this
