We lost a family friend

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I learned that a close family friend died yesterday. My mom and I used to babysit for this couple when their kids were little and we got really close to the family. The husband worked with my sister and that's how they found us and it just became this situation where they basically became family. This past year we learned the husband was diagnosed with cancer and while I knew things were bad but I didn't know how bad. The last thing I heard is he was going to a hospital in a different state for an experimental trial which told me things were probably pretty bad but I heard that a month ago and figured if nothing else he'd still have a few more months but sadly it seems that wasn't the case. I keep going back to the last few times we talked to him. I hadn't talked to him since I found out about his diagnosis as they were fighting in private for a while. I remember one of those times my mom asked how everyone was doing and he said "Things are ok as far as we know". It seemed cryptic at the time and we were wondering what was going on. I am guessing at that point he was in remission. I know he was looking for a bone marrow donor at one point and they found the perfect match in his sister but on the day he was supposed to go and have the surgery they found out his cancer was back and in order to get the transplant you have to be in remission. It was devastating. I just kept praying he'd beat it knowing the odds were not in his favor. I at least hoped they'd get a few more years with them or at the very least be able to make it another five or so years and get to see his oldest graduate. I keep thinking about his kids. They're 15 and 13 and it deeply saddens me that they are missing their dad. I hate thinking about what they are all going through. We have always told them they are family and I hope his wife and kids know we are always here for them and it's not just words. I seldom want to cry over most people's deaths but this one hits hard. I'm not an emotional person and while I often feel sad I am not a big crier. I haven't broken down yet but I know it's coming. It just doesn't feel completely real yet. Their son just had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and to know his birthday is always going to be a reminder of everything that came after is also heartbreaking. I get so angry thinking about people like my one brother who wastes his life with alcohol and gets into trouble and refuses to take any responsibility for his life while men like our family friend just wanted extra time with his family. It makes me so angry there are people out there wasting their lives and ruining them while there are people fighting for theirs. I'm not saying I wish my brother was dead what I'm saying is I wish they'd realize everything they are wasting. I'm just angry that a good man dies while there are tons of people who have their lives and are taking them for granted. Life is hard. This year has been particularly hard for me and I keep moving forward despite it all. I don't rely on drugs or alcohol to get me through I just keep taking it a day at a time. I feel like it's years like this that make people addicts. They start relying on drugs and alcohol to get themselves through another day and that's how it starts for some. It really isn't the answer. I refuse to give up my life because of circumstances I can't control. I just keep pushing forward even when it's really hard even when my anxiety and depression seem to want to pull me under. Life is never going to be easy all we can do is keep enjoying the small in between moments that make life worth living. Right now I'm still processing everything. I found out he died in the middle of the dollar tree and it was like someone punched me in the gut and I couldn't take my mind off of it. I just keep focusing on the handful of good things in my life right now. I know that's probably not an option for his family right now. They lost their husband and their father and life is going to be hard for them for a while. I really don't know what their next steps are. I don't know if her income alone will pay for their house. I don't know what they had in savings. I don't know if she'll be able to pay her son's private school fees as their daughter started public high school last year. She's a teacher so I know her salary probably isn't the best. I know the community stepped up and donated money to their medical bills and things but I don't know what all it covered. I just hope they can have some things as normalized as possible and they won't have to uproot their entire lives. I really don't know what all this means for them going forward. I really do hope they know how loved they are. I know they had so many friends and extended family that wanted to help. I don't know if there's going to be a funeral and if there is I don't know if it will be here or in his home state. If it's here and open to everyone I'd like to try and go even though it's going to be really hard for me. I haven't even told my son about it because he doesn't take this sort of thing well and while he has a vague memory of him he doesn't remember him very well even though he coached my son's soccer team when my son was little. It's just one of those I can't believe it's real sort of things. There's this part of me that so badly wants to believe it isn't real and that someone is going to tell me they heard it wrong and he's still alive.