The Sheet Spectrum (MyLot Exclusive #1136)

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The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts. ----------------------Italo Calvino If anyone boos you offstage, that is simply applause from ghosts. --------------Sharon Needles It's Halloween Eve here in the Neon Fun Jungle! #BOO! Just like you, my 226.4 Billion Loyal Daily Dedicated Readers, I want a Ghost. Even more, I want a Stewardess who moonlights as a Zombie but if you want to know more about that, you have to go to my MyLot AfterDark Channel. Also just like you, I have wondered many times why Ghosts bother to wear clothes. And sheets. So I did some extensive research---AKA watched a video and skimmed a couple of articles---and it turns out that there is a good reason for them. If you are telling a Ghost story, real or fictional, via film or any other medium, you don't want to get arrested on obscenity charges. If you are a Ghost...Well, that's a bit trickier because it relies on speculation. Our best guess is that very little changes when you die (#AsInHeavenSoOnEarth) and you might go your whole life without ever seeing a Nudist Ghost. The question of why so many of them choose to wear sheets or what looks like sheets is a bit easier. Many times, it's just the Burial Shroud, which looks an awful lot like a sheet. They even used to sell Burial Sheets for people who couldn't afford Shrouds. And some people even just went to the linen closet and buried their loved one in an ordinary sheet. So, put yourself in the Ghost's shoes. You really don't want or need to wear clothes but decorum demands them and you don't want to be asked, "Grandpa, why are you naked? Gross!" And maybe you hate the clothes they buried you in--- even if you picked them out yourself---because they are fine for a funeral but you wouldn't be caught dead in them anywhere else. You also hate shopping for clothes and you'll be darned if you're going to interrupt your Eternal Rest with that annoying nonsense. But you have your Shroud. It's right there, very handy. And it looks very much like a sheet. It might even be an actual sheet. Or maybe you don't mind clothes, so you get dressed up when you visit the living. There are three kinds of people who become three kinds of Ghosts and that's why you see them wearing sheets, clothes and, if you're lucky, naked. That concludes this one except for two things. #1. "The Sheet Spectrum" is explained in the video. It's not just a clever title. #2. My beloved Critics are going to ask questions like, "What about the people who die in battle and are buried in mass graves and the many others who also don't have Shrouds? Why do they often appear in sheets?" Their problem is that they weren't paying attention (#NoSurprise #BusinessAsUsual). The Ghost isn't limited to what he or she was wearing when he or she was buried. And if you see someone who wasn't buried with a Shroud in what looks like a sheet, I suggest you check your sheet inventory to make sure they didn't take one of yours. If my beloved Critics manage to come up with a valid question, my answer is, "I can't cover every base." With that in mind, let's go to right now, and see what the Cosmic Universal Anthem Halloween Educational Video Of The Month Club Halloween Educational Video For Today is. ************** Why ghosts wear sheets Phil Edwards 128K subscribers 2,026 views Oct 30, 2022 Ghost clothes!