Is It Difficult For You To Accept Help From People? If So, Why?
By M Cheung
@Beestring (14675)
Hong Kong
November 3, 2022 4:59am CST
My brother-in-law (my elder sister's husband) is a very smart and nice person. He always lends a helping hand to those in need. He is currently living on his own after my sister passed away. Our concern is that he doesn't accept help from others easily. I don't know the reason. Maybe he just get used to helping others but not getting help. He may feel he is not independent if he accepts help. He is a giver. Recently, we found out that he twisted his waist quite badly after talking to him on the phone. My brother's family invited him to go to his place for a week so that they can take care of him. He doesn't have to cook for himself. He declined the invitation and insisted that he would be fine. We are worried about him.
Is it difficult for you to accept help from people? If so, why?
19 people like this
20 responses
@DaddyEvil (137477)
• United States
3 Nov 22
I hope your brother-in-law will be okay. He might still be feeling too vulnerable after losing his wife and not want to see other people. We can't know/guess his reasons. He might not even know his reasons.
5 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137477)
• United States
3 Nov 22
@MrDenata Yes, as long as I have things to give, I am...
4 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
I think he just don't get used to being a taker, not a giver.
3 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
4 Nov 22
@Treborika For me, it depends on the person. There are people I feel comfortable getting help from. There are some I really hesitate getting their help.
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
Thank you. Yes, some people have difficulty accepting help.
2 people like this
@Treborika (17850)
• Mombasa, Kenya
4 Nov 22
I bet those people are somehow egoed
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (472004)
• Switzerland
3 Nov 22
@Beestring I feel seriously embarrassed if I have to ask for help.
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
I also try not to get help from others unless I really have to.
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
@LadyDuck I feel uneasy too if I have to ask for help.
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
4 Nov 22
We've proposed that but he said he can manage. We call him everyday to make sure it's okay.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (341752)
• Rockingham, Australia
4 Nov 22
@Beestring Then that's about all you can do.
2 people like this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
4 Nov 22
I guess it's pride that he wanted to stay on the status that he is capable of helping himself from every situation. I think that is a natural reaction from a person that is used to helping others and when the times comes that he needs he feels a bit vulnerable and I am sure that is not he wants to project.
2 people like this
@youless (112561)
• Guangzhou, China
4 Nov 22
I think it may be due to the dignity. The elders still want to be "useful" and don't want to be other's burden. Perhaps it is better to use another way. For example, if you want him to go to live with you for a while. You can ask him whether he can live with you so that he can do something for you, such as taking care of the plants, pets etc? Of course this is just an excuse and you have no intention for him to do so for real.
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
4 Nov 22
That's a good suggestion. But currently, due to the waist problem, he is not that mobile. I think he finds staying at home more comfortable.
2 people like this
@marguicha (223720)
• Chile
3 Nov 22
I have learned that it is as generous to accept help than to give help. And I always tell that to proud people who don´t do it.
2 people like this
@marguicha (223720)
• Chile
3 Nov 22
@Beestring I have seen those people, that´s why I wrote that.
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
@marguicha I see. For me, it depends on the person I need to ask for help. There are some people I feel comfortable getting help from. But there are some I feel uneasy getting their help.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (90294)
• Arvada, Colorado
8 Nov 22
No it is not difficult at all..I will take help. But no one offers
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
9 Nov 22
I think your son and nephew will take care of you when needed.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (83074)
• United States
3 Nov 22
For me it would depend on who I had to rely on for help. I am independent but will graciously accept help from my children if I need it.
2 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (83074)
• United States
3 Nov 22
@Beestring unfortunately the older I've gotten the more I have to rely on my kids to help with certain things
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
Yes, for me too. It depends on the person who gives me help.
2 people like this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
@Marilynda1225 I'm sure your children love to help you when needed.
@Happy2BeMe (99380)
• Canada
3 Nov 22
I am the same way. I understand. I hate to ask anybody for help or have to depend on somebody else. It is part of being independent and its your pride too. I hope he feels better soon.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99380)
• Canada
3 Nov 22
@Beestring I would think that is a big part of it
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
Thank you. I think being independent is important to him.
1 person likes this
@Rashnag (30592)
• Surat, India
4 Nov 22
I believe one should accept help from people if not well. I don't have any problem in taking or providing help. My mom is like your bro. I feel it isn't good. One should be independent but when circumstances regards to health isn't in favour then accepting help is a wise thing to do instead of suffering
1 person likes this
@Rashnag (30592)
• Surat, India
4 Nov 22
@Beestring True indeed. I agree. One can't change one's nature
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
4 Nov 22
I agree with you. But sometimes personality is difficult to change.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (181979)
• United States
3 Nov 22
It depends on who it is from really.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (13961)
• Malaysia
4 Nov 22
As a person gets older, he is reluctant to leave his home even if he is sick or injured. He is used to his home,, he cannot adapt to foreign places. If u wan to help him, GO TO HIS HOmE, take care of him. Most older folks are very superstitious
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
4 Nov 22
We've proposed to go to his home. He said he'll invite us when he's ready. Now, we call him everyday to make sure he's okay.
@Queenoflife (942)
•
3 Nov 22
There are people who are used to doing everything by themselves.
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14675)
• Hong Kong
3 Nov 22
Yes, those people get used to being independent.
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17850)
• Mombasa, Kenya
4 Nov 22
I accepted whatever kind of help. I am quite needy and seriously I want help
