An example of the level of tact I showed
@shaggin (71961)
United States
January 11, 2023 11:28am CST
My uncle always said “You never have to wonder what Shanny is thinking she’ll tell you”.
I’d think about something and it sounded good in my head but then when I would say it I would often realize I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.
It took me about 25 years to begin to really learn tact. My sister said it took me a lot longer then that.
One example is at a get together one day when I was about 19 my father in law, his wife and my parents were talking about my father in laws side of the family. Someone mentioned how handsome my father in laws one brother was when he was young.
I had seen a photo of him back then and told them I didn’t think he was handsome he looked like a rat.
I don’t recall anyone saying anything in response they just started talking about something else.
Later that night my mother told me that one should never make a comment like that to someone about their family members. I suppose she was right.
The photo (unrelated to the post) is of the books my husband bought the baby from Amazon. He’s only ever picked out two things for her since she’s been born so I love to see what interests him. He loved these books when he was a child and now we can read them to her. My sister and I had a few books by this author.
19 people like this
18 responses
@DaddyEvil (137232)
• United States
11 Jan 23
I've often thought someone other people thought was beautiful or handsome just... wasn't. But I didn't say it to anybody. 
I'm sure you get odd looks all the time. 
4 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@Daddyevil you’ve never said it ever wow I’ve probably admitted things like this often but I only recall this one time.
My husband gives me them often. There’s a particular look he gets when I start talking when we are at a gathering and I think that look says wth is she going to say this time
I’ve probably admitted things like this often but I only recall this one time.
My husband gives me them often. There’s a particular look he gets when I start talking when we are at a gathering and I think that look says wth is she going to say this time 2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137232)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@shaggin I've told you several times what I think about your hubby... 
I wouldn't worry about what you say... We could always worry about that if someone seemed to get upset.
I've told you several times what I think about your hubby...
I wouldn't worry about what you say... We could always worry about that if someone seemed to get upset.2 people like this
@Tina30219 (81640)
• Onaway, Michigan
11 Jan 23
You saying this brought back to me what my mom recently said to me after her and her boyfriend dropped my kids back off to meet their father and stepmom she said he looked nasty he had long grey nasty hair.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@Tina30219 oh wow that is sad he couldn’t even say hello to her after all those years. So rude!
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@Tina30219 was that the first time your mom had seen your ex since your divorce?
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (81640)
• Onaway, Michigan
11 Jan 23
@shaggin Yeah she said he would not even look at her he had his back to her the kids just got out of the car and went to their dads car. I think it was very rude of him but oh well he is a word I can’t say here
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (102894)
• Marion, Ohio
12 Jan 23
I learned not to say some things. But others still just pop out and I am in my 50s now
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
12 Jan 23
@wolfgirl569 it’s so embarrassing when that happens
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
12 Jan 23
@wolfgirl569 as a teen I recall one day at a race track a girl walking by my friends and I and me saying too loudly to my friends that is the biggest a** I have ever seen. The friend of the girl started screaming at me. That’s an example of something that I didn’t need to say that pooped out. It was true but not needed to be sad and it probably really upset the girl 
.
.1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (102894)
• Marion, Ohio
12 Jan 23
@shaggin Not to me. I figure someone needs to say it.
2 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (82079)
• United States
11 Jan 23
I'm sure I said some pretty untactful things when I was younger. I guess as we get older we learn to think before we speak 
3 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@Marilynda1225 as far as I think I have come from that I must still say a number of odd things. My husband when I talk in front of others most the time gives me this look that imagine says wth is she going to say now
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (159940)
• United States
12 Jan 23
Great reading ahead. I still sometimes open my mouth and let the truth roll out unfiltered.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
12 Jan 23
@GardenGerty it happens to me now and then and I usually am quite embarrassed afterwards
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (177674)
• United States
12 Jan 23
At least you have an awareness of it now. It's a struggle for some of us. My friend has no filter most of the time.It can be embarassing.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
12 Jan 23
@snowy22315 I have a friend like that as well . It definitely can be embarrassing. She’s in her 50s. I think hers is kind of just ignorance though causing it.
. It definitely can be embarrassing. She’s in her 50s. I think hers is kind of just ignorance though causing it.
@allknowing (132889)
• India
11 Jan 23
Glad you have finally decided to use tact in whatever you say
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
12 Jan 23
@allknowing it’s a good thing to learn for sure
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (66374)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
11 Jan 23
I think a lot of us lack tact sometimes. I know I'm guilty of speaking before thinking, then realizing I should've kept my trap shut.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@kaylachan I bet it is very common and something a lot of people have to work on. For me it was especially hard as I was brutally honest and didn’t understand why people got upset.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@kaylachan oh I’m always honest and prefer when others are too I just try to say things kindly when I am honest. It isn’t always possible though not to hurt someone’s feelings no matter what we do. Some things just hurt to hear but are needed to be heard.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (66374)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
11 Jan 23
@shaggin I can understand why some nigt, be but I'd rather be honest and hurt someone's feelings now, rather than find out later reality came back to bite them.
2 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (37339)
• Toccoa, Georgia
11 Jan 23
I have said something about one of our relatives that caused a riff with certain relatives but it was necessary I say it. It is too complicated to get into details here. And the books above, I think I remember the author. My kids probably had a book from that author. But I forget exactly because they had lots of books when they were small.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@LeaPea2417 some times we do have to tell people things flat out. It’s been if we can do it kindly but it isn’t always possible.
My kids had a ton of books and the baby already has many shelf’s overflowing 
2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
12 Jan 23
@Tampa_girl7 I’m actually not a big fan of them as we have been reading them together but I did enjoy many of Richard Scarrys books when I was a kid.
1 person likes this
@much2say (54978)
• Los Angeles, California
13 Jan 23
I was the quiet one . . . I was the one looking at people who said things and thought: . If I didn't show tact, oh my parents sure let me know 
. I've always loved Richard Scarry . . . in fact I just pulled a bunch of books out from my parents' home and I saw a copy of the one with the lion on it!!
. If I didn't show tact, oh my parents sure let me know . I've always loved Richard Scarry . . . in fact I just pulled a bunch of books out from my parents' home and I saw a copy of the one with the lion on it!!1 person likes this
@much2say (54978)
• Los Angeles, California
14 Jan 23
@shaggin Well, I actually took everything of mine out of my parent's house once and for all . . . and this means TONS of books too . . . and everything is piled in our garage for now. I used to collect childrens books . . . but now it's too much . . . so I'm sorting them out for donations. Not sure I could part with my Richard Scarry ones 
.
.1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (88811)
• Arvada, Colorado
22 Jan 23
I am tactful ..to a fault. I can also reem someone down to the ground and still be tactful.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
23 Jan 23
@RebeccasFarm sounds like a good way to be. We’re you always so good with knowing how to show tact or was it learned like with me?
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (66039)
• United States
11 Jan 23
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are people who claim Barbra Streisand is beautiful. I sure don’t see it.
Y’know, if I had that man’s last name I’d change it, because you don’t want to buy Scarry books for kids! (Just kidding, we had them around when I was a kid.)
(Just kidding, we had them around when I was a kid.)2 people like this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
11 Jan 23
@Fourwalls I don’t think Barbara Streisand is beautiful either.
Good point and one I had never thought of
2 people like this
@Treborika (17473)
• Mombasa, Kenya
12 Jan 23
I too can't tell someone a thing like that. Neither do I like to be told by a person. I find it very weird I must say.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71961)
• United States
12 Jan 23
@Treborika I definitely am weird. Always have been
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17473)
• Mombasa, Kenya
12 Jan 23
@shaggin I am very glad to learn that from you
1 person likes this
