I did the right thing this time
By Ada2028
@Ada2021 (105)
China
January 16, 2023 6:00am CST
Chinese New Year is coming.
I discussed with my husband that I wil not back to his home town this time, he could take one kid and stay with his relationships in the Chinese New Year's time. He agree with it, and I could have a good rest in the holiday.
I have some problem with his big family, due to they were too much involvfement in our spouses and small family, expecially my mother-in-law. sometimes I feel that I was not married with one person, I was married with one big family. Everyone in his family could interference our small family, so I am really afraid with living with them.I think it is the best that everyone keep a distance.
Do you also have this kind problem?
2 people like this
5 responses
@MrDenata (12248)
• Indonesia
16 Jan 23
Hello, Ada, i'm so sorry, i understand that sometimes its really hard to blend it with your spouse's family. But they are your new family too. I dont know what happened and i dont judge you with your decision.
I'm glad that you husband really understand your situation, i hope your relationship with them will get better someday.
How are you today? Hope youre doing well there. Back to your question, i dont have that kind of problem with my wife's family, i hope i dont have to experince it in the future.
@Rimps85 (1864)
• India
17 Jan 23
@Ada2021 I said "universal"....what made you think that's normal in India, I just didn't get that...
Also, it is easy to complain about the fact that MIL is bad, FIL is worst etc etc....running a family is all about adjustment & respecting others' preferences. Don't forget you will also be a MIL or FIL or whatever when you attend that age....and then there will be someone to hate you then....life is cyclical :)
@zhangxueying (3342)
• China
16 Jan 23
Where are you from? I used to hate my mother-in-law very much. She always wanted us to live according to her ideas and plans.
@Ada2021 (105)
• China
17 Jan 23
Thanks for your response. I think we have the same problem. Actually, I think the reasons as below,
- The mother-in-law don't has any ideas about big family and son's small family, she think she need to control all things in her son's samll family, she could decide everything in our family in the most of time.
- The man could not hand the relationship with their big family
- Tradition influrence, too much expected for the woman, they hope we could be responsible for all home work, take care the kids, but we also have to work just as the man.
How do you think?
@zhangxueying (3342)
• China
17 Jan 23
@Ada2021 Yes, so now women will ask the man to own an independent house instead of living with their parents. At least we have our own private space. Living together has a feeling of being watched by the man's parents.I think it is very important to get your husband's understanding and support. You should communicate more calmly.
@Ada2021 (105)
• China
17 Jan 23
I am fullly understand your feeling. I lived with my husband's parents around 10 years, we had too many ideas differently, but they think they were right, I always didn't agree with them because they were 30 years older than me, whatever the life style or Children's education, we also had idea confilct when I would like to make decision for our small family, then influence the relation for all people with his big family.
