My Dad and I are talking again....
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
Perth, Australia
January 28, 2023 10:12pm CST
In my last Discussion I spoke about how my Dad had been giving me the silent treatment. This one lasted about 3 days. Much quicker this time.... 
I'm bothered he didn't give me an apology. Not surprised though!
Please do not get me wrong! My Dad IS a good man and IS a good Dad. He is caring, emotional, will listen when someone is talking and tries to understand them, he is a giver and doesn't expect anything back. I could go on. But for whatever reason, he has this very childish side to him that I've always known him to have since I was very little. I can only assume he had this side to him before I was born. But I've never liked it.
I remember many times throughout arguments my parents had where he was childish, playing mind games, unfair and drag things out for so long. Back then, I was scared of him. You'd understand why if I explained in full but I won't go there. In my teenage years, I was still scared but starting to get little bursts of anger that I couldn't control. I guess it didn't help also losing a mum, being in an abusive relationship, being disrespected by other family members and failing in school. (I had trouble concentrating after mum died). As an adult, a little scared but now mainly fed up. And to be honest, more anger is seeping out of me. The day after he did what he did, I threw my hair clip at the wall and it broke, my hairbrush at the wall and it broke, I punched a wall two times and yeah, regret that. Not that I'm strong but with all my might on tiled wall (was in the shower at the time) it hurt and bruised my hand. I don't like this side to me. I'm a patient and placid person! I'm so fed up with not only his random whatever behaviour this is sometimes but I'm fed up with other people too. I've been holding so much stuff inside for MANY years.
I remember a couple psychologists now telling me that they think this happens to me (people interrupting me when I speak, people using me, walking over me, not taking me seriously etc) is because I have a quiet nature and I'm a giver. Therefore, I'm just an easy target for certain things.
I feel as if I am finding my voice. I'm getting better but I'm still not there. I've also noticed that finding my voice also gets me in more trouble with some people. I guess because they don't like I'm not under their control anymore?
Ugh! I'm trying MyLotters so often to better myself. I'm slowly but surely getting there. I'm not perfect but I know I don't deserve to be such a magnet for people to treat me so awful. Especially when I really do give a lot to people! Time, money, effort and energy.
What makes a person become stronger? Whether it's for a particular thing or just within themself?
I'm bothered he didn't give me an apology. Not surprised though!
Please do not get me wrong! My Dad IS a good man and IS a good Dad. He is caring, emotional, will listen when someone is talking and tries to understand them, he is a giver and doesn't expect anything back. I could go on. But for whatever reason, he has this very childish side to him that I've always known him to have since I was very little. I can only assume he had this side to him before I was born. But I've never liked it.
I remember many times throughout arguments my parents had where he was childish, playing mind games, unfair and drag things out for so long. Back then, I was scared of him. You'd understand why if I explained in full but I won't go there. In my teenage years, I was still scared but starting to get little bursts of anger that I couldn't control. I guess it didn't help also losing a mum, being in an abusive relationship, being disrespected by other family members and failing in school. (I had trouble concentrating after mum died). As an adult, a little scared but now mainly fed up. And to be honest, more anger is seeping out of me. The day after he did what he did, I threw my hair clip at the wall and it broke, my hairbrush at the wall and it broke, I punched a wall two times and yeah, regret that. Not that I'm strong but with all my might on tiled wall (was in the shower at the time) it hurt and bruised my hand. I don't like this side to me. I'm a patient and placid person! I'm so fed up with not only his random whatever behaviour this is sometimes but I'm fed up with other people too. I've been holding so much stuff inside for MANY years.
I remember a couple psychologists now telling me that they think this happens to me (people interrupting me when I speak, people using me, walking over me, not taking me seriously etc) is because I have a quiet nature and I'm a giver. Therefore, I'm just an easy target for certain things.
I feel as if I am finding my voice. I'm getting better but I'm still not there. I've also noticed that finding my voice also gets me in more trouble with some people. I guess because they don't like I'm not under their control anymore?
Ugh! I'm trying MyLotters so often to better myself. I'm slowly but surely getting there. I'm not perfect but I know I don't deserve to be such a magnet for people to treat me so awful. Especially when I really do give a lot to people! Time, money, effort and energy.
What makes a person become stronger? Whether it's for a particular thing or just within themself?15 people like this
14 responses
@Plethos (13581)
• United States
29 Jan 23
you are a volcano. quiet and pleasant to the eye when your dormant. but now and then a little smoke , ash or even lava will seep out of you. but when your grow tired of holding it all in, you erupt. ash falling over everything. lava seeping into every pore around you. you just need to know where the boiling point is coming from and direct it there. diffuse if you can, if not, just let it go. The world is too beautiful to destroy.
i didnt mean to ramble, but i tend to write what comes to mind. hope something in this made sense, if not, oh well.
5 people like this
@Plethos (13581)
• United States
9 Feb 23
@VivaLaDani13 - glad it made sense.
Sometimes it helps to let off steam by doing a hobby. Playing a guitar loud. Fighting classes. Just something that you can release the frustration through.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
11 Feb 23
@Plethos I agree. I do have certain things to keep myself occupied. Sadly a lot of the times though, I am just not in the mood due to depression and lack of motivation. But I most certainly try when I have the motivation and am in the mood.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@Plethos You make total sense. And I do agree with you. In the metaphor you are explaining, that is how I feel. I have been keeping A LOT in for a very very long time. Whether it's due to being scared, not wanting confrontation or giving up because I don't feel heard anyway or disrespected from trying to vent. And due to this, I feel like I am burning / boiling on the inside. Thank you kindly for your answer.
3 people like this
@Deepizzaguy (101589)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
29 Jan 23
It is within the self of a person that despite rejections from other people, we learn to be true to ourselves and the person who may dislike you will learn at least to respect you in the long run.
4 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@Deepizzaguy Thank you so very kindly for reading my post and for your response. 
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137245)
• United States
29 Jan 23
I'm sorry. I don't have words of advice to give for this. I don't know how to help you. 
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137245)
• United States
9 Feb 23
@VivaLaDani13 You know I'll always try.
I hope you're having a nice day.
I hope you're having a nice day.2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@DaddyEvil Oh I know that for sure. You are a great person like that. I hope all appreciates that quality you have.
Thank you very kindly. And same for you.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@DaddyEvil That is alright. As always, I am just happy you took the time to give me any response. So thank you so very much!
3 people like this
@just4him (317013)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
9 Feb 23
@VivaLaDani13 You're welcome.
Yes, my back is doing well. I will need the back brace from now on. I will see the doctor for a follow-up on Monday.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
11 Feb 23
@just4him Glad you're back is doing well. Wishing you all the best for your follow-up appointment!
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@just4him Thank you so much for your advice Valerie. It's very much appreciated! I hope your back is feeling better and hopefully your MRI will be alright!
2 people like this
@andriaperry (116936)
• Anniston, Alabama
29 Jan 23
The same happens to me, I think I care to much. I get used and kicked around.
3 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@andriaperry I am sorry for that. I know it can be tough. I hope you do whatever you can now in your power to not allow people to do this. Put them in their place! Thank you kindly for your answer!
I know it can be tough. I hope you do whatever you can now in your power to not allow people to do this. Put them in their place! Thank you kindly for your answer!2 people like this
@florelway (23225)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
29 Jan 23
I am glad you're now at ease with your dad. For many years I had dealt with a person with so much mood swings and it was difficult. Glad am now keeping a safe distance because it's hurting being yelled and shouted at just to satisfy her emotions.
3 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@florelway I am terribly sorry you had to deal with that sort of behaviour. You most certainly didn't deserve that! I am proud of you to have got away from that all. A safe distance is a good distance indeed! Thank you for answering.
3 people like this
@popciclecold (38247)
• United States
29 Jan 23
I am surprised you had not snapped long ago.
2 people like this
@popciclecold (38247)
• United States
29 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 Try not to let things build up. I don't like confrontation, but better than snapping on someone.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@popciclecold I've been told that by a couple psychologists too so your comment kinda made me chuckle. Both out of frustration and complete understanding because even I feel like I should have snapped a long time ago. The bullcrap I've been through....it's ridiculous and amazing I'm still even here! Not trying to sound dramatic. It's honestly how I feel.
Thank you kindly for reading and answering.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@popciclecold That is very true. Well said.
2 people like this
@much2say (55186)
• Los Angeles, California
12 Feb 23
Scared of him - yep, that was me for a long time. Bottling things up - I know that one too - not just with family, but with friends and people in general. As soon as I was able, I just left home little by little to change the situation . . . I could not change my dad but I could better myself. I drove, went to college, got a job, got into more social situations with all kinds of people . . . all of it helped me to practice breaking out of what I needed to break out of. A voice, even kind hearted ones, can always get bigger - in time 
.
. 1 person likes this
@much2say (55186)
• Los Angeles, California
20 Feb 23
@VivaLaDani13 Right - similarities - certain parts. Take these hurdles on step by step . . . I know you will do what you need to do to get to where you want to be .
.1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
17 Feb 23
@much2say I can't say your dad and my dad were the exact same but I know from previous comments from you there are similarities. But I still feel I just admire you. I hope one day just in general I can get my life together. I have too many hurdles. But I hope to get to where I want to be one day.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
25 Feb 23
@much2say Thank you! That made me tear up. I don't often get told these type of things. I mostly hear things that make me feel like I have a time limit or like I'm not good enough for where I am and where I'm fighting to be. Just, thank you!
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (89457)
• Arvada, Colorado
30 Jan 23
Oh glad to hear it Dani.
My Dad was strict RIP but I miss him. And he was so right about things.
My Dad was strict RIP but I miss him. And he was so right about things.2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@RebeccasFarm I am sorry your dad was like that towards you. I still wish to say, like you did "RIP" to him. Thank you so much for answering.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@jstory07 Thank you kindly for reading and your comment. I still have a lot of work to do within myself. Mostly to be heard and taken seriously with some people. Slowly getting there I think. I hope.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (470039)
• Switzerland
29 Jan 23
Your psychologists are right, you are surely shy and do not dare to stop people who interrupt you.
There is not a lot we can do to change our nature, but little by little you should try. When someone interrupt you, look at the person right in the eyes and say "I have not finished speaking".
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (470039)
• Switzerland
9 Feb 23
@VivaLaDani13 - I know it's hard in the beginning, but the important is to keep our calm, be nice but firm, we have the right to speak and if we are speaking no one should dare to stop us. It is not polite.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@LadyDuck I agree with you Anna. I know every now and then with certain people (more my brother) if I am spoken over, I speak louder or say "I am not done!" And continue to talk. I look and sound very b*tchy. When in reality, I am just tired of being spoken over.
I would like to also do it exactly how you suggest too. I'd like to start saying it more calmly. I am struggling too at the moment. I have no in-between. It's either, be quiet and take it or I go crazy angry. I'm trying to learn that in-between.
Thank you for answering.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
11 Feb 23
@LadyDuck Thank you so kindly for the advice Anna. If I can ever just do this, I will let you know how it goes.
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203422)
• Nashville, Tennessee
9 Feb 23
@VivaLaDani13 You are very welcome. I like @Plethos description below.
2 people like this
@Treborika (17627)
• Mombasa, Kenya
30 Jan 23
I think that is the way he expresses his tempers and surely for your dad you can't do anything about it
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Feb 23
@Treborika I think something should be done though. No one should have to just "take it." That is not good for mental health.
2 people like this
@Treborika (17627)
• Mombasa, Kenya
9 Feb 23
@VivaLaDani13 Thanks for sharing your thoughts here
2 people like this
