My son has come so far/had his meeting today

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It's been a busy day today. We had my son's 504 meeting. My husband and I both just took the whole day off so we could do some things and it was kind of a nice day out. We were really curious about how the meeting was going to go. We knew the beginning of the school year was super rough for him but we figured it has gotten better with the way his tone changed when we would ask how his day was. Every day I ask him how his day went when I get off work and he'll tell me a word to describe his day and I might ask him what he had for lunch but then I kind of drop it and let him process the day. I don't want to force him to tell me every detail I just want to know how it was as a whole. My son is always going to have life a little tougher than some kids because of all of the challenges he has but I really see him trying. At the beginning of the year I'd ask him how his day was and every single day he'd say it was horrible. When we walked in to talk to the teachers today they all mostly said positive things. They all said at the beginning of the year they thought it was going to be a super rough year and the meltdowns were frequent but as he got into routine things started getting better. His English teacher told us he is incredibly smart and very insightful and grasps things a lot of his peers don't and that he is always thinking and his brain never seems to stop and she thinks that is part of why he has the issues he does. She said that he participates and has discussions with his classmates and that he always asks some super insightful questions you wouldn't think a kid his age would think to ask. She seemed really amazed by him. They all agreed and said that he has been participating and working towards doing better. They also think he is capable of so much more than any of them probably know. I have been trying to tell him lately that he can do hard things and I tell him every day that he is smart, he is caring, he is kind, he is funny, and he can do hard things. I want him to know these things and go to school knowing these things. I got to see him in the hall today while waiting for the meeting and I couldn't get over all the stuff he carried that he didn't have to. He was a walking disaster area and the teachers said they have tried to help him organize but he's very touchy about his stuff and doesn't like anyone touching his stuff. I am literally the only one allowed to help him and even with me he is kind of like "that can't go there". He is messy but he always knows where his stuff is usually. His mind just works so much differently than most and sometimes I kind of wish I could take a look inside it and get an idea of what he is going through. He can be super argumentative over everything and super defensive when you tell him things he doesn't like but sometimes if you just sit him down and talk to him he's more likely to listen. He is very stubborn but he is also super easily hurt which is why I think he's bad about any sort of criticism. He feels like you're attacking him even when you're trying to help him. It is something he is working on. All of the teachers agreed he needs his 504 to keep the accommodations that are helping him thrive this year. The guidance counselor told me that he spent the first week or so of school eating lunch with her in her office because the cafeteria was too crowded and loud for him but that he slowly adjusted and now has a really good group of friends. She told me he went from struggling to thriving. With him, it has to be routine. He does not handle change well. He needs added warning of anything different in his schedule. Sometimes I swear he is on the spectrum because of so many things he has in common with kids on the spectrum but there are also things he does and can do that kids on the spectrum have a difficult time doing like making friends and understanding sarcasm but then again the spectrum is so broad that there are kids on it that don't show certain things that most on the spectrum do. I work with a kid that doesn't have the sensory issues and who is super social but has a lot of the other similar traits and is further on the spectrum than what my son would be. Absolutely none of the kids I know who are on the spectrum are remotely the same. They are all so different from each other. I spend a lot of time observing them. I find it so interesting to see how some of them interact with the world and the people in it and how some of them are way more social than others. The child I work with is super social but at the same time, most kids don't want to play with him or even like him. I feel bad for him but he also doesn't understand they don't want to play with him so it's kind of a blessing in disguise. My son can and does interact with his peers and has made a ton of friends. He's very social. He really loves adults, especially women, he feels more comfortable around women than he does men. He has friends of both genders. I have talked to an OT who used to work with him about how I think he could be on the spectrum and she told me it's possible but it is also very possible he isn't. She said he definitely has sensory processing disorder but that could play into everything else. He feels everything so much bigger than most kids his age and his emotions seem to play into the sensory thing too. I don't want to get him diagnosed unless I have to. I've played around with having him diagnosed but was told that as long as he is getting what he needs that it isn't worth it and could possibly even hinder him. I got him diagnosed with sensory processing disorder when he was 8 and I was getting a ton of complaints about his behavior from his second grade teacher or rather the sub originally and later his actual teacher who had just returned from maternity leave. The sub seemed taken back that I was concerned about the behavioral issues. She told me that it wasn't that bad and he was just really immature something that sticks with me to this day. I found it super frustrating. I had to go and talk to his pediatrician who gave me a referral to an OT who diagnosed him on Christmas eve. I just remember being happy to have answers. Later the OT told us what to right to get him evaluated at school to start the process. The principal wasn't even shocked because she had called me a few times when he was having meltdowns. My son is super loved by everyone. He is difficult but he is also incredibly polite and sweet. He melts down but he isn't mean. He just shuts down and you can't reach him. It hurts and is frustrating because you don't know how to help him. He has just started to learn to recognize when he is overwhelmed and has learned what works to calm himself down. The progress he has made is absolutely amazing. I had to keep myself from getting emotional talking to them today. I keep remembering the little boy I had to take to get help so I could try and make life easier for him and the boy I see today. The OT at the school told me she loved working with him and that he was so sweet and polite. They all thanked me for working with him. The thing that is interesting to me is my son had an IEP for behavioral and fine motor in preschool because he went through the school district's preschool but I was told he graduated from that and was ready for kindergarten and when I brought up a concern they told me that he was doing well but if it got bad again at any point but they never brought up anything to me. I had to fight to get my son help. Something I find frustrating to this day. I loved my son's school. He had the best teachers who really worked with me but the guidance counselor who while super nice either has too much going on that she can't handle and they need a second one or she needs to learn how to better manage things on her own. Teachers have been taking their concerns about students to her but nothing ever happens. Parents really have to fight to get their kids help because there are just too many kids in that school that need it. I work there and I love it and if I had to do it all again I would still send my son there but in that area I worry about kids.