Okay but not okay

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In pacifying others I would often tell them that its okay to be not okay or I will tell them that everything is temporary it will pass soon. I knew that they see me someone who is totally fine, but hey if they only know that I am not... So here I am again, writing random thoughts. Hoping to unload this heavy feeling. Doesn't matter if someone will care at all... It doesn't matter just like how it has always been. But all I ask is pray that I may be guided and blessed. I guess I am only here when things got so heavy or when I abundance is out of reach. I hope to have all my heart's desires I hope that one day I will be where I ought to be I hope strength, peace and prosperity will find me so I will no longer battle to say I'm okay when in reality I'm not okay.