Sweet Baby James.
By Marie Coyle
@MarieCoyle (37104)
March 16, 2023 3:11pm CST
****I am not posting this to garner sympathy, so please don't think that. James is part of my history, so I am merely sharing a tiny bit of that with you.****
Every year, I have a short, private little time to remember my firstborn.
Tomorrow is his birthday.
It is also the day he died.
No, he wasn't miscarried. He arrived too early, due to trauma that I, his mother, went through.
I was very young. But I carried him, felt him move all the time, and I loved him from his start. He was very wanted. He arrived and barely breathed, and sadly could not be saved.
I held him a long time. We cried. I sang him a little song between sobs. We said goodbye. His name was James, after my own father.
I think of him often, and in my mind, I picture him sometimes in photos of the family. I wonder who he would have been? What would he be interested in? Would he have had a family, a hobby, been adventurous or laid back? He was loved and wanted before he made his way into the world.
This small baby who did not live gave me strength and feelings I didn't know I even had. His death made me determined to try to be a good parent.
Yes, like most mothers, I had several miscarriages, those hurt terribly as well. But to carry him for months and then leave with empty arms was almost more than I could stand. My daughter arrived almost exactly 2 years later. A true blessing.
All that love could do to save him, I tried to do. So tomorrow, I will have my special little time with remembering that he was here. And that I hope to see him again.
21 people like this
18 responses
@RasmaSandra (79648)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Mar 23
Something I attempt not to do and have long put in the very dark past. I know where you come from. Way back in 1996 i gave birth to a stillborn daughter. Totally unexpected but is happened. In the end I only have stepchildren and I do not dwell on this ever but when I do shortly like now I see that white little coffin and then blink it away, Sorry you had to go through this and many blessings and virtual hugs,
5 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (105819)
• Marion, Ohio
16 Mar 23
My grandmother said empty arms after a full term pregnancy was the worst. 
4 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (105819)
• Marion, Ohio
17 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle She had 13 and raised 10.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
16 Mar 23
Going home with those empty arms was soul crushing. Your grandmother was right.
3 people like this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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17 Mar 23
@wolfgirl569
I always wanted 10.
But I did want to be able to raise and support them, and my body said no more babies. I have 3 children I gave birth to in addition to Baby James. Then I have an adopted child as well. I forget he is adopted for the most part, he is so awesome and such a great fellow.
Eva, where did you rank out of the crew your mom had? Oldest? Youngest?
2 people like this
@allknowing (135926)
• India
17 Mar 23
How old would James have been had he survived? It is but natural for you to think of him specially on his birthday
2 people like this
@allknowing (135926)
• India
17 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle He would have been such a support to you.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
17 Mar 23
@allknowing
Yes, he would have. All of my children are very special to me. Thank you.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
17 Mar 23
He would be 50. I was 18 when I had him. Thank you for helping me keep his memory alive.
3 people like this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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17 Mar 23
It definitely stays with a person for all of their lives.
Thank you, Anna.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
18 Mar 23
@LadyDuck
Right back at you, Anna...thank you so much.
1 person likes this
@rakski (121998)
• Philippines
17 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle you are welcome. I believe that everything happened for a reason. He is guiding and watching over you and your family for sure
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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17 Mar 23
I like that idea so much. Of course I would have loved for him to be here instead, but it wasn’t meant to be. Thank you so much.
3 people like this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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17 Mar 23
@rakski
Yes, that's true.
But my mama heart still wishes he would have had the chance to be here for longer. Thank you.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
17 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle I am sure many have. I lost one this year, but have not written about it yet. She was not my own.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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17 Mar 23
Thank you so much.
I know many people here on mylot have lost a child just as precious to them as well.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
18 Mar 23
@TheHorse
I'm sorry, I imagine that hurt very much.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160611)
• United States
17 Mar 23
Remembering those we have lost keeps the love alive. Big hugs.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
17 Mar 23
My other children know about James, and have said they wished he was here, as well. The love for him is real and palpable.
@LeaPea2417 (37350)
• Toccoa, Georgia
17 Mar 23
I'm very sorry to read this. That happened to my Grandmother (my father's Mom). That baby was the second baby of three. My father the oldest and my uncle the youngest. The still born was a boy. I often wonder about that uncle. My grandparents named him George. His grave is near my Grandparents grave.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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17 Mar 23
I'm sure your granadparents never forgot him, either. No matter how long, we just don't forget.
Thank you, Anne.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (41387)
• United States
17 Mar 23
I am so very sorry. I can't imagine the pain. You will be in my prayers tomorrow for that precious baby James.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (41387)
• United States
17 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle I have been spared that terrible heartbreak, but I totally agree that no baby can replace another. That precious baby will meet you in heaven one day.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
17 Mar 23
I did learn one other thing from losing him.
Many people say to someone who has lost a child--''oh, but you have another one now, it's all good.''
Guess what? Another child is a wonderful thing and I love all of mine dearly. But they don't ever take the place of another. All humans are different.
One child never, ever takes the place of another child. Ever.
Thank you, Vicki.
1 person likes this
@Deepizzaguy (102523)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
16 Mar 23
You will see your loved one in the afterlife. It is in the Word Of God that we all will reunite with them one day.
1 person likes this
@Deepizzaguy (102523)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
17 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle You are welcome since seeing a loved one pass away is very painful.
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (26658)
• Singapore
17 Mar 23
James knows he was loved and missed now by his loving mother.
My son was born after fourteen years of our marriage and he has been a blessing.
I used to wonder what sort of a parent we would be before but we did whatever to give him a good life.
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (26658)
• Singapore
18 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle Thank you, Marie.
He was also born through IVF. The doctor said medically there was nothing wrong with us but why it did not happen earlier was a mystery.
I was wondering why to work hard when I had no one to pass on to, but then after he was born, I wanted to spend time with him during his growing-up years. However, I made sure he had a good education.
I feel blessed.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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18 Mar 23
@Shiva49
Your son was very much wanted and I can tell you love him dearly, as well. I am so glad for you, Shiva.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
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17 Mar 23
I'm sure you did.
I had a good friend who tried for years and years to have a baby. Even did IVF but miscarried those. The doctors said it was just not going to happen. She got pregnant at 44 and carried her baby full term, born 9 pounds, healthy boy. She was ecstatic and dearly loves him and his wife now. I guess doctors don't know everything!
Thank you, Shiva.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (177862)
• United States
13 Apr 23
You will definitely see him again. You may not want sympathy; but I'm sorry that this happened to you. I hope you find comfort with your memories.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
18 Apr 23
Memories can be good and sometimes they make us sad. I thank you so much.
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203422)
• Nashville, Tennessee
16 Mar 23
Oh my goodness Marie. I did not know your story. Sweet baby James will always be remembered. Never forgotten. We will always wonder who they would be today. Thoughts are always with you, every single day. You did all you could do. Hold tight to that hope and all of your blessings. There is a Kenny Chesney song that brings tears but I listen anyway. I could share it if you want to hear it one day.
There is a Kenny Chesney song that brings tears but I listen anyway. I could share it if you want to hear it one day.1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (37104)
•
17 Mar 23
We all have a story, he is part of mine as Dustin is yours. So many of us have lost a child. And you are so right, we don’t ever forget. Big hug, Carol.
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203422)
• Nashville, Tennessee
17 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle You are so right, many of us have so much in common. Hugs to you as well.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (69229)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Mar 23
And, if you truly believe that, you will.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3113)
• United States
16 Mar 23
Your story of Baby James' short life touched me. You are still his mother indeed. It's so good that you honor him every year on his birthday. I'm glad that you can see some positive lessons, even through your painful loss. Bless you.
1 person likes this
