It's All Coming Back To Me

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I'm still pushing to hold myself accountable. I was away last week for "Spring Break". My sister is a teacher and gets off for that time period, so that's when we decided to go visit our parents. We live in the East coast Tri-state area (USA) and our parents retired to the south. I learned a lot about myself from visiting the parents. My mother still treats me like the little girl who got sick at 14 years old and was diagnosed with manic-depression a.k.a. bi-polar disorder. I'm 47 years old now, a divorcee, and a single mother. I am definitely not the same 14 year old little girl who didn't know herself. I know who I am and what I want from life. I also believe that I know what's best for my daughter, as well, who is also "adulting" at the moment. My daughter graduated from high school in 2021. She's on the autism spectrum but is high functioning. Due to going through my own issues in high school, I believe that I know how to direct my daughter's steps better than anyone else in our family. Unlike my mother, I'm more patient and understanding of others' needs. But I digress... Due to having many ebbs and flows/ups and downs with my illness, my teenage years are somewhat fuzzy in my memory. But "it's all coming back to me" (Celine Dion song in my head) like in flashbacks, dreams, etc. People around me would gaslight me into believing that certain things didn't happen to me to take advantage of me. I definitely had Stockholm syndrome because I kept going back to those people and being around them even though they weren't really healthy relationships. I didn't know any better. I didn't really have any good examples of healthy relationships because my family home life was toxic. My actual peace came from going to school. Doing sports saved my life. I was an all-star track and field athlete and it definitely was my stress relief. I see now that exercise is definitely something I need to keep me balanced. My adult life has become too sedentary. Now I'm pushing myself to be more mobile even though my body doesn't agree with it after having a slip and fall accident in 2015. But I can say that I feel I'm healing and doing better.