It's Wonderific Wednesday, Ya Beatniks! (MyLot Exclusive #1274)

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I am covered in grass again. The kind that's legal in Iowa. Far be it from me to tell the brain surgeons and rocket scientists in Des Moines who make our laws how to do their jobs but if they came to me and said, "Sir, what can we do to make your existence here less annoying?" I'd tell them to make Marijuana legal and outlaw the stuff growing on my lawn. I'm also a little drunk. It's not my fault. I've been mowing since very early this mid-morning, which was about 78 hours ago. When I finally overcame my Chronic Workaholism and decided to call it a day (I know you kids think that 78 hours is a very short workday but keep in mind, I'm 29 now. 78 hours feels the same way to me that a standard 100-hour workday feels to you), I was hot and in need of refreshment. I checked both refrigerators in the garage (There are two because yard work is a thirsty business and staying hydrated is vitally important. Especially when it's this hot. It's 81 right now. That's 27C for those of you who haven't been to the Moon yet) and discovered that there wasn't any cold Diet Coke, Gatorade or Bud Light. There was some plain noncarbonated water but who in their right mind would drink that? I know some of you are saying, "Sir, it sounds like some irresponsible careless idiot didn't think far enough ahead and didn't stock the refrigerators before he went out to mow, so it's his own fault," and you know what? I don't like your tone. Your G-String is noting way too sharp and it needs to be flattened out. A lot. But that can wait. I'll tune you later. Right now, I need to tell you that I did find some Sonic Hard Seltzers (5% Alcohol, 100 Calories and 1 Gram Of Sugar---That's 0.03527396 ounces of sugar for everyone who has been to the Moon) in various flavors and I was skeptical at first, but they performed admirably. I don't know who put them there or why but I hope they do it again. This one wasn't Sponsored by Sonic Hard Seltzer (5% Alcohol, 100 Calories and 1 Gram Of Sugar---That's 0.03527396 ounces of sugar for everyone who has been to the Moon) but, for all I know, it could have been a Sonic Hard Seltzer Brand Ambassador and if it was, they are welcome to do it again.