How far the anger...
By vanny
@vandana7 (100604)
India
April 19, 2023 3:25am CST
Today, at this moment, I am filled with guilt...and yet...
Ok...this aunt blamed me for the death of her husband, simply because I saw her in an accident in my dream, and told her.
My dreams are weird. I saw our god inside a tree...and I shared that dream too.
I have seen innumerable pythons covering the seacoast....I shared that dream too.
And my dream about sharks is legendary out here.
Net net, I have the bad habit of telling what my dreams are. I told her, because I thought it was premonition. It turned out to be.
Do I wish sharks to be around me? Do I wish to see that many pythons? Nope. They are just silly coincidences.
But she thought I willed it and well, ridiculed me, defamed me, and did all that she could to hurt me as a younger person.
I too reacted. Rather badly. Especially when she said she will take away all that is mine...nope that a money minded me doesn't like.
So yeah...the really b itchy me ...emerged.
And well ...time went on...others behaved similarly, so I was periodically reminded of her wanting to take away what is mine...I don't know whether I was reacting against her or against others, but I have been a nasty woman.
I don't like this me very much. But my insecurity makes me such.
And so today this aunt..........she lost her son.
Was I happy...not sure... kinda...hey god, I didn't you ask you for this....I asked you to see that my case got cleared during dad's lifetime, and dad got to enjoy some life.
But there was a slight sense of ...she got what she deserved...ever so slight.
Maybe ...10 percent...
Do you think I am a bad person if I felt that way even to that little extent?
Would you have felt that way?
12 people like this
12 responses
@arunima25 (87854)
• Bangalore, India
19 Apr 23
No, not at all. Feelings are feelings and they are ought to happen. It's so sad that certain emotions and feelings are considered bad and having them makes you bad. It's natural for everyone to have them in different situations.
You just take care. You can't have guilt bothering you for something that was not in your control.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (100604)
• India
19 Apr 23
Not only she, her older daughter too held a grudge against me... kinda, we were playing badminton, and my usual partner ...got a tap on his shoulder, and was asked by uncle to play opposite me. That kid being almost 12 years my junior, simply obeyed, but was not happy because we had played together rather regularly in the circuit. Then while playing with me, uncle fell ..and he was bulky...we just couldn't control laughter...the daughter saw it...and oh boy she said you hated my father...you wanted him to fall, you wanted him to die...from where to where......................... the ground was slippery after some dampness...arvind my partner wore regular shoes, that had grip, uncle did not...was it our fault?
2 people like this
@arunima25 (87854)
• Bangalore, India
24 Apr 23
@vandana7 That's actually very childish and immature. Better to just ignore such kind of people ( I know it's tough to). They have no logic and thinking too much about them would be a waste of our time and effort. They don't deserve to be thought about.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (223802)
• Chile
19 Apr 23
You can´t help how you feel. I would have felt like that too. Keep away from them.
3 people like this
@Jenaisle (14078)
• Philippines
19 Apr 23
It's human to feel that way, at times, but don't let it consume you. There's a saying that anger or negative emotions felt by a person destroy the person, himself/herself, but not the object of those emotions. Like, he/she may be sleeping in a bed without a care in the world and there you are seething with anger and still smoldering in hypertension and increased heart rate in your bed because of that person. But you're not a bad person. Don't let her get into your skin.
2 people like this
joking.
These are coincidences, dreams are never true. She seems to be a superstitious lady.@vandana7 (100604)
• India
19 Apr 23
Superstition combined with ..you know belief that I am pious, a function performed by me has good results ...that kinda belief person. So her losing her husband really hurt her because people would no longer call her to do the main function. Earlier for every house warming ceremony, she would be called and would become the main person in such events.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137602)
• United States
19 Apr 23
No, you aren't a bad person. We can't help the way we feel... the way others treat us makes sure we feel bad things for them... That's on them, not us.
Yes, I would and have felt that way before and I know I'm not a bad person.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100604)
• India
19 Apr 23
Wow...that sure is clear headed thought...the way others treat us makes sure we feel bad things for them...but...I did not really want this. My deal with god was clear our court case, and let me give dad at least 5 years better life....and simultaneously help me provide enough to clear all my dues and help to give something to people I care for. And also look after our health and keep us happy and peaceful. That was the deal. This was never asked.
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137602)
• United States
19 Apr 23
@vandana7 Sometimes God gives us things we didn't ask for, too.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100604)
• India
19 Apr 23
Oh you bet she will. In Hindu culture, there is some kinda higher being status attached to women who are married and not widowed or divorced. They are called sowbhagyavati.
She felt, I destroyed that status. She truly believed she was something superior. even to other married women...and had some powers ...etc. LOL
So she gonna believe I have evil powers to destroy her life....you bet she gonna think like that and talk like that too.....
1 person likes this
@hora_fugit (5862)
• India
20 Apr 23
In this regard I am basically a bad person. Though I would rather have nothing to do with such situations. Your aunt has a serious need to impose herself and seems her daughter is affected too.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47676)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
19 Apr 23
I dreamt (last night) that I was dragging one of those suitcases on wheels everywhere I went. It wasn't very large but it had a lot of stuff in it. Then somewhere along the line I noticed I didn't have it with me. When I finally found it again, the lock and handle were broken and all my stuff was gone.
Does this mean I no longer carry personal baggage with me? Nothing weighing me down?
No, it was just a dream.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47676)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
20 Apr 23
@vandana7 Sounds like it.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100604)
• India
19 Apr 23
Some people need a punch bag...they cannot accept some truths ...so they seek somebody to blame. I became that punch bag... wish I had not shared the dream with her. That was also not the first time I shared my dream with her. Bad situation. I have moved on, she is stuck.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (108196)
• Marion, Ohio
19 Apr 23
You can't help how you feel. And she made life sadder for you. So it is only natural
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (108196)
• Marion, Ohio
19 Apr 23
@vandana7 I am glad it did you good
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
7 Jun 23
*facepalm* Why would you tell your dream to her? Ever since I have known you, I have realized that folks around you (whether related or not related) are seriously superstitious ones. You made yourself a target for her. "shaking my head in disappointment*
In all honesty, when you are faced with a terrible loss such as this, you gotta put the blame on someone. You served yourself on a platter to her.
Obviously, you are not at fault. There is no question about it. And if that lady hasn't realized her folly and overcome her pain then it's on her. She needs to grow up and move on.
LOL! In a twisted way, she is calling you GOD who has the power to control things as such. 
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181821)
• United States
27 Apr 23
I never wish bad things on bad people even when they deserve it. I had someone treat me horribly. Her son became critically ill. Karma? I believe that's what it was; but I would never wish that on her.
1 person likes this
