We had to say goodbye....

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Hello. I haven't been on for way longer than I wanted. First it was due to me having a bad lingering cold. And then it was, in all honesty, I didn't feel like coming on here being talkative due to the second last vet appointment being a negative one. The Vet had put my beautiful cat Leilah on some liquid medicine that he said could help slow down the progress of Lymphoma. But he also stated that if things didn't get better, then........I can't even type it. So I just stayed away from here and spent time with Leilah. Even if it was just sitting next to her while she slept. Over some time, she was getting much worse. Cancer was spreading. It got into her two front paws. So much so that she held one of them up all the time when sitting down. And then she started to limp. The cancer on her face near her mouth grew very big. Then it got even worse. Last week she had slowed down immensely. Not eating much. Urinating and pooing in the house instead of meowing to go out and when she did manage to go out, she wasn't digging holes or covering anymore. Her eyes began to look vague....Just so many changes where she wasn't herself. On Friday 19th of May, we took her to the vet. He explained to me the right thing to do. We had to let her go. I stayed with her. I can't even tell you in detail....there's no need to put it here but I will never forget it. I cried and wailed uncontrollably. The Vet stayed with me for awhile. Then gave me time alone with her. I patted her and told her how much I loved her and begged her to please stay with me forever. My Dad just couldn't be there. He was crying in the waiting room. When I hugged her and gave the last goodbye, I walked out. Dad and I went into the car and I realised, I actually didn't comprehend anything the Vet told me regarding her cremation etc. I walked back in and soon as the receptionist saw me I lost it and she was kind enough to hug me for a bit and explained some things. She promised she'd clip some of Leilah's fur for me. We got a call today from a place called Lawnswood. I want to actually go there to talk about urns etc etc. So.... As far as MyLot, I just need time. I'm an absolute mess. I already screenshot all previous notifications so nothing is lost. For now, I just can't right now. But I will be back. Just wanted to update you as a lot of you have been with me throughout this. ****photos: (left) - For the first time ever, she randomly got comfortable on my leg and fell asleep. Not comfortable for my leg but I was happy her being there. She was there over an hour. (right) - Not long after she ate, she came back and laid on my lap. I love how she's looking at me****