I wanted to die today

You are taking the right first step by going to counseling. Someone will help you start to sort through your feelings. Your family does need you still, and by taking care of yourself, you are helping them. I can't possibly understand your pain, but you are not alone, and things can get better. You just need to stick around to see that can be true.

I will pray for you and your family. I do not know what to say to help you feel better. I hope the counseling will help you feel better. Your niece was born at the same time my great grand daughter was born. I hope her and her mother will be ok and your niece will realize her boyfriend is a loser and leave him.

Sometimes life is just hard and I'm glad you are seeking help. Depression is a lot and with everything you have been through you are bound to feel the way you do. I'm sorry things have been so hard for you. The hard part about kids that aren't your own is you don't really get a say in how they are raised. Their parents are the ones who have the final say in everything. When my niece was a baby I practically helped raise her while my sister was working two jobs to support her and it doesn't matter how much I did for her at the end of the day her mom was her parent, not me and she could do whatever she wanted and we had to just sit back and watch it happen whether it was good or bad. It's a lot different with my son. I've rarely ever had anyone else watch him. I've been the one who has pretty much raised him. My husband works a lot so it has always been up to me to take care of everything for him. It's a very different experience raising your own vs. helping raise someone else's child. We don't have to agree with everything someone does with their child but unfortunately, we still have to accept it and just pray everything turns out ok no matter how hard it is. If the guy is as horrible as you say he is hopefully she'll wise up and she will come back soon enough. Sometimes people need to learn things the hard way and hopefully, she realizes it before the guy has the chance to do anything to either of them. With age comes wisdom and hopefully as she grows up she'll get her act together and put her son first before just jumping into relationships with losers. Some women just trust men too easily before even really knowing them because they think they are in love but sometimes they outgrow that with age and experience and hopefully that's the case with her.

I am so sorry, and please follow up with that counseling. You have so many stressors going on, it is hard to cope with them all I understand.. Feel free to post here if it helps.

You say you don't have someone who cares? What about all of us? I'm glad you're going for therapy. You need someone else to vent to. You don't ever have to be sorry for venting here. We are here to listen. We couldn't possibly know how hard it is for you; but know that we all care. God bless you and I wish you luck.

I am glad you are going to talk with someone to help you work through this. I don't think anyone is supposed to go through as much as you have been. You need some time to learn to be just you, and to realize that while it's so wonderful to be loved and needed, you also need to love yourself and take care of you. You seem to be a very nice person, you deserve to be happy. Don't give up!