A Disappointing Dinner Last Night
By Raine38
@Raine38 (12389)
United States
September 4, 2023 6:59pm CST
I mentioned that my mother-in-law (MIL) and brother-in-law (BIL) are coming up here yesterday to visit and to gamble. They were able to get here around 1pm, with my husband since he went back to our former home state for some house matters, and they just met there. They just followed him in their own car on the way to our new house.
Prior to this, my husband called me to just give me a head's up that they're on their way. I asked if I need to cook more pasta for his mom and brother. I heard him ask his brother, and I heard his brother say no, and that they will just grab some McDonald's or something to eat during the drive. So I made aglio e olio pasta with baked salmon that's good for 3 people, all from scratch, like I actually made the pasta and I did not use any store sauces or oils. Of course, salmon is from the grocery. 
My husband said he'll just eat here.
So around 1pm, they all arrived. I waited for my husband so we can have lunch together. I helped him put away some of the stuff he collected from our old house, went to our bedroom to change, and next thing I know all 3 of them are eating my pasta. I looked into the pot, and it's all gone. I pulled my husband aside and asked him what happened to his mom and brother's McDonald's meal?? And he said that they got some, but when he's getting some food, his brother asked for some so he can't say no. I'm already irritated by this.
When we got to the casino, I saw a bakery and I bought a chocolate croissant. I told my husband that it's already 4pm and I haven't eaten anything yet, not even breakfast. I saw the look that he's sorry, but nothing we can do about it now.
Anyway, after we had enough of the gambling, we went to eat at one of the restaurants in the area. We told the server to split the check, but she did not. Since they are packed and she's very busy, my husband told his brother that he will just get it and he can pay him once we're out of there. His brother agreed. But he does not have enough cash and he does not want to use his debit card. So my husband told him that he can just leave the tip for our server and they'll just call it even. I kid you not, he left $5.00! That is not even 5% of our meal (side note: BIL is not in debt, has a good job, owns his own house, no wife, no kids). My husband and I exchanged a look, and I said, I'll fix it. So I added $20 on the table. As we were heading out, I noticed that his brother is not beside us. I looked back and saw him pocketing the $20 that I left! I nudged to show my husband what he's doing and told him that if he's not going to do something about it, I will, and he will not like it. He said he'll take care of it.
Their mom and I waited for them outside for a couple of minutes then they got out, with my BIL's face so red. I looked at the husband and he gave me a thumb's up. Mission accomplished.
There are more things that my BIL and MIL did at home that pissed me off. But at least they have left this morning.
My husband said he'll just eat here.
So around 1pm, they all arrived. I waited for my husband so we can have lunch together. I helped him put away some of the stuff he collected from our old house, went to our bedroom to change, and next thing I know all 3 of them are eating my pasta. I looked into the pot, and it's all gone. I pulled my husband aside and asked him what happened to his mom and brother's McDonald's meal?? And he said that they got some, but when he's getting some food, his brother asked for some so he can't say no. I'm already irritated by this.
When we got to the casino, I saw a bakery and I bought a chocolate croissant. I told my husband that it's already 4pm and I haven't eaten anything yet, not even breakfast. I saw the look that he's sorry, but nothing we can do about it now.
Anyway, after we had enough of the gambling, we went to eat at one of the restaurants in the area. We told the server to split the check, but she did not. Since they are packed and she's very busy, my husband told his brother that he will just get it and he can pay him once we're out of there. His brother agreed. But he does not have enough cash and he does not want to use his debit card. So my husband told him that he can just leave the tip for our server and they'll just call it even. I kid you not, he left $5.00! That is not even 5% of our meal (side note: BIL is not in debt, has a good job, owns his own house, no wife, no kids). My husband and I exchanged a look, and I said, I'll fix it. So I added $20 on the table. As we were heading out, I noticed that his brother is not beside us. I looked back and saw him pocketing the $20 that I left! I nudged to show my husband what he's doing and told him that if he's not going to do something about it, I will, and he will not like it. He said he'll take care of it.
Their mom and I waited for them outside for a couple of minutes then they got out, with my BIL's face so red. I looked at the husband and he gave me a thumb's up. Mission accomplished.
There are more things that my BIL and MIL did at home that pissed me off. But at least they have left this morning.13 people like this
14 responses
@Tampa_girl7 (50524)
• United States
5 Sep 23
Oh my goodness. I know that you are relieved that they are gone. What rude behavior.
3 people like this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
I am so glad indeed not to put up with them for another night. They are supposed to get a hotel room because we don't have a place here to accommodate them for the night. For crying out loud, we just moved here, and we still have unopened boxes. We are definitely not in a good place to host anyone just yet. But oh no! $75.00 a night is too much for him, and if we can't find a $38.00 room for the night then they will stay in our house, which is what ended up happening. Like that is our fault they did not plan ahead. Grrr! 
3 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (50524)
• United States
5 Sep 23
@Raine38 I didn’t even know that they still had $38.00 a night rooms anymore.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
@Tampa_girl7 oh yeah, those seedy, shady ones. And he wants to stay in one, with their elderly mother? And he expects to pay only $38.00 on Labor Day weekend?
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (90474)
• Arvada, Colorado
5 Sep 23
Oh my gosh Raine..that is terrible he pocketed the money
3 people like this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
He is sooooo tight with money! We know he has lots of money, and yet he will do anything, and I mean anything, just to get out of paying even though it's for himself. My husband told me this is the reason why his brother is not getting invited often, even among close relatives much less with other friends and family.
3 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (90474)
• Arvada, Colorado
5 Sep 23
@Raine38 He does not sound a very pleasant man. I am sorry this happens.
3 people like this
@cacay1 (83577)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
5 Sep 23
@RebeccasFarm , senseless person.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
Thank goodness, because I will not stand for it.
Two things I look for in a person - those who treat animals good and treat hospitality/service staff well. I have been in the service industry, so I can empathize what's it like if people insult me that way. She was very attentive and so nice especially to their mother, who is already getting on with age. She's 95, I think so she's a little hard to deal with now. And the thanks she gets is $5.00? After serving 4 people, one of which is a semi-senile lady who gives her a hard time? No sir, no ma'am!
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (472060)
• Switzerland
5 Sep 23
Oh my goodness, what you are writing here sounds horrible. Your BIL is a gross man with very bad manners. First he eats your food and you are left without food, then he tries to grab the money you leave on the table for the waiter.
I hope he will not visit often.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
I truly hope so too. Good thing we have a 4-hour drive between us, so that should help. However, I know that he will make the drive if he thinks he can get a better deal by coming over here. I just hope that we don't spend the holidays with them.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
@LadyDuck Oh he knows, and he is also aware of his brother's behavior. He is not happy with him either, but he tries to be nice and understanding because he's family. That's all, just the blood relations. To think that my husband is the youngest, and this brother is the eldest. he should have been a role model for my husband, but no. Well, a model of what not to be like.
2 people like this
@Dena91 (16686)
• United States
5 Sep 23
How rude of them to say not to cook then come and eat all the food.
This is one reason Mike and I don't allow people to our home, including family. We had some situations early in our marriage and we decided right then and there we would set boundaries. Some were upset but it is our home, not theirs.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
I am also married to a Mike! It's always his side of the family because mine still live in the Philippines, and my nearest relative is all the way in the east coast. I try to bite my tongue for the most part with the agreement that I get to vent to him once our company is gone.
It's always his side of the family because mine still live in the Philippines, and my nearest relative is all the way in the east coast. I try to bite my tongue for the most part with the agreement that I get to vent to him once our company is gone.2 people like this
@aureategloom (10988)
• Bosnia And Herzegovina
6 Dec
it's good that your husband helped you. imagine if you had to take care of the situation.
and for the food part - i'm not sure i can relate. it is rude because they said they don't want any. but i grew up always making extra food and everything just in case people want some. some guests would say "hey, we're coming over for coffee, no need to make anything" but my mom would make a lunch for all of us.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
6 Dec
Yes, I am glad he took my side on this. My husband worked in the food service industry during his high school-college days, so he can definitely empathize with the server in this scenario.
As for making food - there are times that I can get it right. When I cooked extra, nobody eats it and nobody wants to eat leftovers. When I made just enough, I ended up not having any!
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
6 Dec
@aureategloom That is very interesting. I think in Japan, tipping culture is also not a thing. Unfortunately here in the US, most of the servers have to rely on tips to make a decent wage.
1 person likes this
@aureategloom (10988)
• Bosnia And Herzegovina
6 Dec
@Raine38 leaving tip isn't really a thing in Bosnia, people here rarely leave it and it's mostly because everyone wants to save some money. and also, everything is cheap, so 5% of anything isn't too much, you can't leave 0.0something
i say it's better to make extra. i'll eat leftovers if nobody wants them
i say it's better to make extra. i'll eat leftovers if nobody wants them 1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
Yeah, that's what really made me lose respect for him. He's not in debt, he's not starving, he's actually on vacation from a stable, good paying job. So he should understand where a hardworking server was coming from and have some sympathy. But oh no, if it's going to benefit him, he wouldn't care.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56053)
• Los Angeles, California
5 Sep 23
Good that they are now gone . . . that is just too much to have put up with (especially since you said there was more that happened at home!). Unbelievable. It's sad that BIL would be like this at all - in front of his own family - I'm glad your husband set him straight.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56053)
• Los Angeles, California
8 Sep 23
@Raine38 I don't blame you They would be lucky to even get invited at all anymore.
Yah, it's hard when it's your own family that does these things . . . you get irked but you want/need to keep the peace. I know my family would do the same as yours - do whatever they can to not be a burden to the host and be considerate as possible - to show gratitude and all that. It would be bad in the eyes of family to take advantage of a host (is that a Phil/Asian thing . . . my family is Japanese).
I saw you had another post about BIL . . . so I'll go check that out 
.
.1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
8 Sep 23
@much2say I'd like to think it's a cultural thing, but then again I found some other folks from different countries who are a darling to have around. So I think this has something to do with their upbringing and their choices when they're grown up.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
Yes, there were lots more at home. I swear if I'll have my way, we will never put up with them for an overnight stay again. They can come visit when invited, but that's it.
I feel sorry for Mike since he is getting caught in the middle. He cannot say the same for my side of the family. My parents and siblings live in the Philippines. And my cousin who lives in the East Coast, when that one time she stayed with us, bought groceries to replace those that she, her husband, and their kid consumed. They also treated us to a nice dinner on their last night of stay with us, and her husband even tried to hand over some money to my husband for gas when we drove them to the airport (which my husband refused). They also helped with the chores, and even my then 6-year-old nephew helped with the dishes. It's not about the money, really. It's just consideration and respect for the host.
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (37845)
• Philippines
5 Sep 23
I have experience with some annoying relatives too
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
6 Sep 23
@averygirl72 Very much so. My husband went away from them as soon as he finished high school. Their dad is the only sensible one, but sadly he's passed.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
The saying is true, that you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your relatives or family. You are blessed if you get along with them just fine. In my case, I am not as fortunate. At least we have a 4-hour drive between us, so that should help somewhat.
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
Right? Especially since she did a very good job despite being busy. She was also attentive to their elderly mother. The only thing she messed up is splitting the receipt but that's not a big deal. I swear. he's one of those who you can't take somewhere nice.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
7 Sep 23
@cacay1 Yeah, I should have known better. I really thought they will eat at McDonald's and my husband did say that they stopped at the drive-thru. Only then did I find out that he ordered the 2 for $1 kind that is one sandwich and 4 pieces chicken nuggets between him and their mom. That is definitely not enough and not healthy.
1 person likes this
@JESSY3236 (20040)
• United States
5 Sep 23
That's really rude of what he did. Glad they left.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
5 Sep 23
@Raine38
Was the mother any better than the brother?
The brother sounds like a nightmare. I am glad they left. He was very rude and taking what you put for the added tip was not right and also eating your food so you had to starve is not right either. I can imagine what else was done. I hope they will not visit you in the near future if at all unless they are less selfish. Did they thank you at all?
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
The mom is around 95, so she is semi-senile. And stubborn. She can barely walk, refuses to use a wheelchair or walker, and keeps complaining about how tired she is. And yet, she always wants to come even if it's just a quick trip at the grocery store. When I was doing the dishes, she yelled at me on how I was using too much water. 
I just hope they don't come here during the holidays. I'll see if we can spend the holidays somewhere, we are due for a vacation anyway. I'll be darned if I let them treat me like that again.
But how can I really cut ties with them? I'll end up breaking my husband's heart, and I don't want to make him choose between us.
I just hope they don't come here during the holidays. I'll see if we can spend the holidays somewhere, we are due for a vacation anyway. I'll be darned if I let them treat me like that again.
But how can I really cut ties with them? I'll end up breaking my husband's heart, and I don't want to make him choose between us.1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
6 Sep 23
@Hannihar I know, but I told my husband about that incident, and thankfully he believed me. Apparently, she's been like that to him sometimes. She's really not 100% okay anymore. But for some reason their older brother who lives with her wouldn't let her go to a home. That is another story.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
6 Sep 23
@Raine38
You have a real problem there. Too bad you cannot record how she treats you and she sounds like she got worse as she aged. There are seniors that get worse as they age. I hope you can find a place to go to for your holidays that they will not intrude.
1 person likes this
@mildredtabitha (16147)
• Nairobi, Kenya
5 Sep 23
It's truly a disappointing dinner and I think is because your new guests crossed boundaries this time.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12389)
• United States
5 Sep 23
@mildredtabitha Will do! I'll find a good time, I know he's also enjoying the peace and quiet.
the peace and quiet.1 person likes this
@mildredtabitha (16147)
• Nairobi, Kenya
5 Sep 23
@Raine38 just discuss it with your husband so you don't become anxious or worried. Sorry.
1 person likes this
