My boyfriend has social anxiety ANY HELP with dealing with this????
By becca650
@becca650 (60)
Canada
December 1, 2006 10:24pm CST
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 4 years now and I seem to have come to a stand still with him because os his social anxiety I don't know what I can so anymore to help him through it ! his is on med's for it and going to she a doctor for it but I find that he makes up things not to go ???? does anyone know what or how I can help him get up the strength to go to work walk out the door go to my parents ???????when we have family fuctions he has to drink inorder to not feel uncomfortable ....even with his family he does this ! we have an 18 month old daughter I don't what this to become learn't !PLEASE HELP!!!!
3 responses
@betty29 (1)
•
15 Nov 09
My boyfriend also has social anxiety disorder and i am completely overwhelmed by it. I have researched the disorder and am trying to understand it but its just so difficult to live with. I am a very sociable person and love going out and meeting new people, but my boyfriend wont come out on dates (very rarely when its something he wants to do or thats how it seems) and despite being together for 2 years has still not met my parents. He will go out and socialise with his friends and go to functions with them, which has n turn made me paranoid about myself...is it me he does not want to be with??? this has caused me to become depressed. I just dont know what to do to help him get through this. My train of thought is positive mental attitude will get you through difficult situations and that we all do things we dont want to and feel uncomfortable with, but we do it. I know this is wrong and that is not how social disorder makes you feel but i cant help it. Its so frustrating to live with. I love my boyfriend very much but every symptom of this disorder is grinding our relationship down. He will lie in bed for days on end. Refuses to get a job. Is negative about everything. He says that he does not feel emotions like excitement anymore and everyday is just dull and the same which he says comes from the medication. We discuss our future and he will say things like i can never get married because i couldnt face the situation. I cant imagine having to deal with this on a daily basis and sympathise immensly, however i cant help thinking inside 'just do it'. I feel like my boyfriend is selfish as we never do anything i want to do and feel awful for this as i know he cannot help it. But it seems like my happiness and general state of mind is suffering also. I would never say half the things i have written here to him, as i have touched on it sometimes and the response is always greeted with aggression and frustration at my lack of understanding. But i am trying. If anyone has any advise or has lived with someone with this before please please please please respond. I am at a loss at what to do. He has attended cognitive therepy and said it was a waste of time and said that because he did not want to talk about it with the therepist he played down his feelings etc and in turn she basically said there is nothing wrong with him. If only she had asked me i would have had some one to vent to and inform of his difficulties. I have no one to share this with as my boyfriend is VERY embarrassed by this and would hate the though of me telling anyone. I need some advise please help
@cwegener1 (1)
• United States
7 Jun 10
My fiance has social anxiety as well and he is fine in groups of around four people or less. Once the group reaches five or more people he gets extremely nervous and can't focus on the conversations being had and completely checks out. It makes him very upset and he usually goes through an epidode of depression after encounters like this. I have suggested taking anxiety medication and seeing a therapist or social worker and he has continually bi-passed these alternatives. It is really upsetting to see the person I love so much get so down on himself for not being the "social butterfly" that he thinks he needs to be. I've tried including him in conversations more and even gone as far as talking for him (which does not work as it makes him feel more self conscious). My sister had this same problem growing up and well into her twenties and the only thing that helped her was counseling and self-help tapes (yes this sounds corny but it really helped her. It is very difficult as a spouse/partner to try and be supportive and helpful for people suffering with this disorder. I try and not let my emotions get into it and focus on trying to ease the problems or situations as they come up. That is really all you can do, or there's always the option of discontinuing to see that person if you can't handle it. I personally would never leave my fiance for his anxiety but I do go out with my friends by myself and not with him and family gatherings are rough on him. You just have to remember that you can't make the person do anything, it has to be their own will to seek treatment.
@kyekye (123)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
I really sympathise with both of you, as I honestly know how hard it is to deal with. I have had social anxiety/phobia since childhood, and its not a nice way to live. The best thing you can do for him is offer your unconditional love and support. A lot of people dont understand this condition, even though its one of the most common. Its MUCH more than just shyness. Your boyfriend needs to keep taking his medication, and seeing a therapist, to do a program would surely help him. There are also some good Yahoo support groups for this. I wish you the very best of luck.
@jerrica (12)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
i have social anxiety and depression, and many people who have this make up excuses. you just have to make him go to the doctor. going to a therpist may work as well.
