Cutting Off...
By pumpkinjam
@pumpkinjam (8679)
United Kingdom
October 7, 2023 7:11am CST
This is a little more serious than my usual posts. I was wondering about people who have cut off members of their family.
I haven't done it myself, although I've had times I've been tempted. While I have stopped making efforts with some people (friends and family), I have never deliberately decided to cut anyone off completely as in never contact them and not let them contact me.
Have any of you cut off a family member? What was the reason? Was it a single reason or several? Sudden or gradual?
If you have never done it, is there a point that you feel you would?
Whether you have done it or not, would there be any difference between family members? For example, I think I would give my children more chances than I would give anyone else (not that I could think of a reason to cut off my children - they're awesome).
I am curious as to other perspectives on this.
9 people like this
7 responses
@AmbiePam (89335)
• United States
7 Oct
I have never cut anyone off, but in my opinion, my family probably should have cut off my late uncle (mom’s brother). He might have been forced to straighten up. Our family gives so many chances.
You know, I guess I did cut off my best friend when I was 16, and didn’t speak to her or see her until I was 25. She told a lie about my sister, that if believed, would have damaged her job reputation.
2 people like this
@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
7 Oct
I guess it can be quite difficult in some circumstances. There are people I've known who really needed support but were instead abandoned by those who could have helped. On the other hand, there are selfish people who will keep on being selfish until they're no longer given the opportunity.
As for liars, I very much hate lies. I get telling a white lie (like telling my husband he only has a couple of grey hairs instead of telling him he looks like a wizard 
) but proper lies, lies that cause damage, those designed to deliberately hurt someone just to be vindictive, that's not on.
) but proper lies, lies that cause damage, those designed to deliberately hurt someone just to be vindictive, that's not on.1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (89335)
• United States
7 Oct
@pumpkinjam Yes, very good points. My late uncle had so many chances. He lied, stole, and his daughters cut him off. The rest of us had to take care of his sociopath self. Someone should have said enough. Don’t get me wrong, he knew how we felt, but my grandma was an enabler.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
8 Oct
I'd agree that's a good reason to cut him off. If my children didn't get along with a partner, it'd be my partner that went.
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@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
8 Oct
@LadyDuck It seems like things worked out for her. Good thing you were there to take her in, and I am glad for you that you did.
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@LadyDuck (467835)
• Switzerland
8 Oct
@pumpkinjam And it was the way he did, he put all her belongings inside the car sh has bought for her 18th anniversary and parked in his garage telling her to move it where she wanted. My husband and I took care of her until she finished the university and found a job.
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@much2say (54912)
• Los Angeles, California
7 Oct
I have had to let go of certain good friends in my life . . . it had to be done because I realized they were toxic. I didn't need that in my life. No regrets. Of course it hurt to lose what was good of the friendships, but overall it felt great to be rid of the negativity.
Both of my parents cut off all their many siblings - it's part of my childhood and adult history.
My younger sister and I are civil, but it has come to light in the past year how toxic her resentments have become. It was my dad's wishes before he passed last year that we all get along and not be like his family nor my mom's. My sister missed him saying that, though she was told about it. I abide by his wishes and refuse to have my mom be in the middle (she and I are at least on the same page about things). And so, like I said, I keep it civil and decided it would not be best to completely sever the ties on this one.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
8 Oct
While I've not cut off friends as such, there were a couple of realised were using me. Once I stopped doing things for them, they more or less removed themselves from my life!
I'll always try to be civil with people. There have been situations like yours. It's nice if people can all get along, but it's not always possible, especially when only one is willing or there is a good reason you don't want to make the effort.
I am like you in that I will continue to be civil, but I won't pretend that a toxic person isn't toxic.
1 person likes this
@much2say (54912)
• Los Angeles, California
8 Oct
@pumpkinjam I wish these friends would have removed themselves from my life on their own - it would have been much easier (on me!).
I try to be civil and diplomatic as well. No need to cause arguments and extra stress if you can avoid it. In my case, I will keep things at bay with my sister - I don't agree with her on many levels but she is "family" . . . and I refuse to cause more family hurt in front of my mother. For now. Meanwhile, my sister will probably continue to do what she does - and I will bite my lip.
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@LindaOHio (171927)
• United States
8 Oct
I moved out of my parents' house when I was 21; and my father disowned me. Haven't seen any of my family since. Have a good day.
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@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
8 Oct
Why did your father disown you (if you don't mind my asking?
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@LindaOHio (171927)
• United States
9 Oct
@pumpkinjam They wanted me to live at home until I got married.
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@amitkokiladitya (171928)
• Agra, India
7 Oct
It is natural for the heart to favor those who are closer to it.
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@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
8 Oct
I guess that is generally true, but not necessary always. I do, however, think it's easier to remove people/remove yourself from people outside of those closer to you. I mean, it's probably easy to cut off a distant friend. But with family or closer circles, you might have to consider how the wider group is affected and whether you'd lose any of them as well.
1 person likes this
@amitkokiladitya (171928)
• Agra, India
9 Oct
@pumpkinjam i agree but as humans if we try to please eveyone around us, we will be the fool
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@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
8 Oct
I've known families to split for similar reasons. A family member of my husband's contacted us a couple of years ago. She'd been cut off from my husband's part of the family as a child. There are long and complicated stories there, suffice to say there was no good reason. The child (now an adult) got in touch with us and has since cut off the people who caused the rift.
I can understand that it might sometimes be necessary to cut off an entire family, but it's still not nice for the innocents. That's honestly one reason why I'd be reluctant to cut off a toxic person - I wouldn't want to lose the youngsters who have done nothing wrong. I think it'd be different if they were older and independent.
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@Gilljane (2902)
• Sutton, England
8 Oct
@pumpkinjam My daughter's partner has nothing to do with his parents, The father is a bully but the kids s missing out on their other set of grandparents
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@pumpkinjam (8679)
• United Kingdom
7 Oct
Thank you for your response. I know some people like that. I might not cut them off just for being bossy and self-centred, but I guess it depends how far they take it.
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