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In this month,i really feel exhausted.Communist party goes crazy again,they encourage people to prey and massacre those stray dogs,big dogs,old dogs.Any dogs that may threaten human being will be slaughtered. They even give the KPI,no matter how the dogs act,people has to finish the KPI that massare the enough dogs to please the Communist leaders. Surely,a few brave people spoke for the dogs,but soon they were forbidden to speak and use any Chinese social media.That's how Evil CCP is. I really can't see any hope. Meanwhile,i stop writing poetry.Because i lose my confidence.No one reads,no one appreciates,no one encourages,it's only the dark and despair.I'm going on the edge of psychopath. I really want to escape from China,but i'm too poor to do it.Under the threat of CCP,i always fear that i'll die abnormally or even worse. Who can help me?I don't know.I ask the help from those Human-right or anti-communist organizations,but they don't care about me.Because i'm too poor and i'm a nobody. Maybe they only will notice me if i used a knife to kill a communist official.They'll call me martyr and use it as their stimulation to ask more attention and money from USA.As for me,they won't truly care.I'm just a tool that they can use to stigmatize CCP as Peng Zaizhou(who asked President Hsi relinquish the power in 2022), Dong Yaoqiong(Who sprayed the ink on the portrait of President Hsi), Ruan Xiaohuan(who enlightened people about democracy), Niu Tengyu(who exposed the infos of the Daughter of President Hsi). These people that i list on here are all living in the hell now,no one truly rescues them from China.They did their best to fight against the evil,but finally this world,this psychotic justice,this hypocritical freedom league push them into deeper hell.Their families,friends are all involved in the political persecution.Just like those Jews who were penned in Concentration Camp in 1933 in Nazi Empire,that's what the Chinese brave dissidents get. Comparing with these hereos,i'm a coward,a sick parasite,a lunatic nerd.I don't dare to fight against or disobey the Communist tyranny in Public.Because that will definetely put my parents and me in danger.I have no way to ask for help,on the other side,no one can help me if Communist Party truly want me to die. What can i do?my mind is really lost.Pray or keep the faith,do the right thing or stay strong,none of them works.I'm in an endless abysm.All i can do is seeing myself down into the worst tragedy little by little.There's nothing i can do How's your October?Are you feeling good now?If you're in my situation,what will you do?