Heavy Mind

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I disappeared again.. mainly because I didn't know what to write about.. yet again... I've typed multiple things up and just erase then try again the next day. I guess you could say I have writers block. But I think I have finally found something to type up. And it's something that's been heavy on my mind this past week. I'm a person who has extreme anxiety, social anxiety. Which I have stated in my last post. Well, I have no friends but when I do I fall hard for them and I mean hard. It's tough for me to make friends because I get nervous that it's either a trap , or they'll leave me. Or just fake in general. I'm an honest, loyal friend who loves deeply and cares like no other. It may be hard for me to let my walls down but when I do it means I trust you.. but once I put them back up I never let them back down... I can catch vibes from people ... Well lately I made a few friends or so I thought. What I really want to know is why? Why do people lie? Why do people put your hopes up? This past week alone I made two friends, they both told me things that would happen. Me being me, I believed in them. I put my all into them, I trusted them. I got my hopes up just for lies. How hard is it to tell the truth? How hard is no? This world is full of beautiful lies and it's sad. The world has gotten cruel. And no this isn't because of my so called friends. Because of them I started seeing more and more of how this place we call home is. And honestly, it's sad. Maybe it's just me but I wish the world could become peaceful even tho I know it's an empty dream but it's nice to have those dreams. Dreams that one day everyone is true to one another, love is actually love; not this manipulative love. Or where friends actually laugh together not at each other. Life seemed so much easier as kids although we all wished we could grow up, now here we are all grown up wishing we could go back...