Genealogy - finding family

@jerzgirl (9291)
United States
March 1, 2024 3:02pm CST
I have been working on my family tree since 1974. I've got well over 20,000 names, although not a few are actually in-law lines I got carried away with. I've been deleting them periodically. Yes, they are related in some way to people on my tree, but because they are usually several steps away from the tree trunk, they often cause more confusion than necessary. I had done a DNA test through FamilyTreeDNA years ago, but my DNA matches were usually too distant for me to figure out. But, I saw that Ancestry was having a sale on their kit in December, so I finally gave in and bought it. WOWSERS!! I've connected to so many!! Some I knew or knew of. Others I know they're related, but am waiting on their response to my inquiry to find out through whom. But, one is the daughter of my mother's first cousin. I hadn't even met the first cousin until I was an adult, so I know I haven't met her. I will be meeting her next Saturday when we meet for brunch at a local diner near her. I have no siblings and my parents each only had one sister who each only had two kids, so I don't have much family. All that's left here in New Jersey are me and my daughter (not counting 2nd+ cousins I've never met). I don't affiliate with my youngest male cousin since he talked my mother into changing her will giving him 35% of her estate in addition to the 10% he got for being her administrator (also changed at his request removing me). One of those I connected with is his daughter from his first marriage who he allowed to be adopted by the man his ex married. She reconnected with him years later after he married a third time, she was married and her mother long deceased. I really liked her mother, but he mistreated her terribly. I'm hoping that she will see that we have connected and that I did some of the line on her grandfather's side (my cousin's father). I got along with his brother who moved away when I was just 5 and never returned, but when he died, they never even told me. Anyway, I have this cousin, a 2nd cousin, I'll be meeting for the first time next Saturday. I'm a little nervous about it because I'm pretty awkward socially. But, I'm still looking forward to it. I have traced that line into England, so I'm sure she'll be happy for the info, if she hasn't already found my tree on Ancestry and seen the info. I just wonder what info she has that I don't - other than her siblings and their names. Time will tell, I guess. I've also been in communication with a cousin who found me through DNA. She is 93 and our connection is the "sperm donor" who impregnated my great great-grandmother and then departed to marry someone else. She doesn't care - she only cares that we are related and that's my position as well. What mistakes or sins ancestors committed that caused me to exist I will not hold against any other descendant. That was the mistake of those individuals and no one else. She was born in Idaho Falls, but ended up moving to Washington State as a child because of the severity of her allergies in Idaho. I'm thrilled she found me.
3 people like this
2 responses
@dgobucks226 (35608)
8 Mar
It's really exciting connecting. I did the genealogy kit to find out my nationality makeup and find connections. Enjoy your visit!
2 people like this
@jerzgirl (9291)
• United States
9 Mar
@capirani I did mine hoping to find family I didn't know about. Also confirming what I knew.
2 people like this
@capirani (2840)
• United States
8 Mar
I find a lot of people did the DNA for the ethnicity, but the best help comes from making a family tree. The ethnicity is just a guess, an estimate. The tree is real as long as you do it correctly and not just copy everything that looks right. Do the research. It's worth it. And those who don't make trees make it more difficult for those of us who match up with them but can't get any ancestorial information to see how they match.
2 people like this
@dgobucks226 (35608)
9 Mar
@capirani Thanks for the tip! I will..
1 person likes this
@capirani (2840)
• United States
7 Mar
I love genealogy. My tree is on Ancestry and also more recently on MyHeritage. That was a mistake I won't go into here. I also did the DNA test for both companies hoping to find my 3rd great grandparents who were in NJ. I have not had much luck. I will probably try another company in the next few months, probably 23&Me. I have most of my family lines back at least 5 generations but this one line (or two if you think of it as the 3rd great grandfather AND 3rd great grandmother) stops there. I love the interesting stories I have come across over the years and don't really care about the crazy things. In fact, those are what makes it most interesting. One story I found out about is that a 4th great grandfather had children with his wife and his wife's sister. I am descended from him and his wife's sister. Another story is that the legal husband of my paternal great grandmother had gone off and illegally married another woman a year after he married my great grandmother. He had his children with this illegal wife where they lived across the state line from his legal wife. In the meantime, there was another man who shared the same surname but no apparent relation, lived with her as her husband and pretended to be her legal husband whenever necessary. She is called a Grass Widow because her legal husband abandoned her without divorcing her. It took a lot, plus the help of a 3rd cousin on my great grandmother's side to help figure out all the confusion. Together we got the documentation that proves this bigamy even though others with the same lineage do not want to deal with it. I have also found out that one of my best friends from high school until now and I are actually 5th cousins once removed. Other interesting things keep this search fun. I have talked to several long distance cousins of various degree. Glad to meet someone on here that also does genealogy.
1 person likes this
@jerzgirl (9291)
• United States
7 Mar
Hey, hi! Glad to see another tree climber. I also learned my best friend from diapers and I are related. We are 6th cousins. I graduated with her and two third cousins..She's on my dad's side and the others are on my mom's. I have run into those "widows" in my searches, although none in my direct ancestor lines. There was a LOT of that back then. No, wait. One of my direct line grandfathers was abandoned by his wife after arriving from Sweden. He was a Swedish Lutheran pastor whose church was where the Philadelphia airport is today. His wife openly left him for another man. They were too far from home to get a divorce, so he just simply divorced her without the law. He married Beata Lom who was said to be the first European child born in the Delaware Valley in New Sweden. Her husband was Lars Carlsson Lock (surname taken his home in Lockerud, Sweden). Stories of both can be found online, one in a WordPress story and the other on Wikipedia. They are my 7th great grandparents. Lars was a feisty one who didn't let his misfortunes stop him from living. Who are the grandparents you are unable to find? Their names and the children you come through? You can DM the info if you prefer. I'll play around and see what I can find. Thank you for responding. I was beginning to think no one would.
@jerzgirl (9291)
• United States
7 Mar
@capirani For what it's worth, I don't like My Heritage, either. My first DNA test was through Family Tree DNA (FTDNA).
1 person likes this
@capirani (2840)
• United States
7 Mar
@jerzgirl MyHeritage tried to tell me that my ethnicity is totally different from what it actually is. I did not need a DNA test to know what my ethnicity is. I already had my tree to the point where it was obvious what my ethnicity is. Plus they put me on an annual subscription when I had told them before that I could only do monthly. It almost caused trouble with my bank account. They would not refund the money either. So I will get whatever I can from the subscription and close it after the year ends. They seem very dishonest.
1 person likes this