How did your childhood hurt you? How did your childhood help you?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (220229)
Walnut Creek, California
March 6, 2024 12:49pm CST
I was in the Trump rabbit hole this morning. I read Mary Trump's first book about Trump during Covid. His father was an authoritarian sociopath, and his older brother, Fred Jr., wasn't interested in following in his father's footsteps. So Donald was the anointed one to take over the business.
Here's a brief summary, for those who are interested. I hope you can see why I have some sympathy for Donald.
How did your childhood make you a better person? How did it hurt you? OK, those are heavy questions for a casual writing site. But I hope some can answer with reasonable boundaries.
My parents were both English teachers, and they modeled loving parenting, a love of books and music, and an inquisitive spirit. They got me into piano lessons at 6-years-old, and helped nurture my love of music. They also believed that helping the "less fortunate" was more important than getting rich. My father was partially rebelling against his own parents, who were "money people," operating a successful dairy farm "Back East."
Unfortunately, they both died young, leaving me "on my own" pretty early. To this day, I still believe in education, the power of music, and in helping those less fortunate than myself. But I also fear the loss of those I love.
Interestingly, animals and small children always sought out my father for a scratch behind the ears or a good conversation. For whatever reason, it's the same with me.
Can you think of certain values that your parents imparted to you that you are thankful for? And can you think of things you wish would have been different?
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19 people like this
18 responses
@LindaOHio (181642)
• United States
7 Mar
My parents are responsible for my thrifty nature and, unfortunately, my perfectionist complex. I wish I hadn't lived such a sheltered life. Have a good day.
4 people like this
@kaylachan (71762)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
6 Mar
While well-intentioned, my parents basically made me a poster child for Ana rexia. They did the textbook equivlient of what typically happens to people who develop eating disorders. My mother passed when I was in high school, and my father joined her a year and a half later. While it wasn't good what they did about my weight, trying to make me their version of the "perfect woman", they did fight for me and gave me a second chance at life. So, I'm thankful to them. Without them I may not be sitting here writing this reply.
4 people like this
@kaylachan (71762)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
6 Mar
@TheHorse I've learned to be the same way as well. I've had to be. Otherwise, I'd never be able to take care of George. Last thing I want to do, is put him in a home.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (220229)
• Walnut Creek, California
6 Mar
Anorexia is tied in with the pursuit of perfection, an impossible goal. It is also tied in other things, but I am not in lecture mode. I felt the pressure of expected perfectionism as well. I am sorry your parents "left" early as well. I will say that that fact made me independent and self-reliant.
2 people like this
@wmaths (563)
• Italy
6 Mar
It's fascinating to delve into those reflections on childhood and the values our parents pass on, isn't it? Your parents sound amazing, instilling a love for learning, music, and compassion. The early piano lessons and the emphasis on helping others clearly left a lasting impact.
I'm sorry to hear about their early passing; that must have been incredibly tough. It's heartening, though, that you continue to carry their values forward, cherishing education, music, and a sense of social responsibility.
As for me, my parents taught me the importance of kindness, resilience, and the joy of simple pleasures. Yet, like any journey, there were moments I wished for more open communication. But hey, it's all part of the unique tapestry of upbringing, right?
Sending you positive vibes as you navigate life with the rich legacy your parents left behind!
3 people like this
@TheHorse (220229)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Mar
Simple pleasures is one of the things we discuss in my psychology classes. Being able to slow down and enjoy simple pleasures is a key to good "mental health," I think. Those joys can include anything from watching birds in the trees, listening to a stream in Spring, to hearing familiar sounds like the dishwasher or dryer.
@just4him (317242)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
7 Mar
My parents took me to church and gave me a parochial education. I took a few months of piano lessons. It's because of the foundation I had in religion that I found my way to Jesus Christ as my Savior. The few lessons I had led me to self-teach myself the piano. I'm not good at it, but at least I can play. It's because of them I started writing at eight years old. I needed to survive my childhood. They were not supportive. My childhood is not something I look back at fondly. It's a time of rejection and heartache.
3 people like this
@arunima25 (87854)
• Bangalore, India
7 Mar
I lost my father when I was two and my mom brought my brother and me as a single parent. I grew up in a joint family and it was a loving closely bonded family. My grandparents from both sides played very important roles in my formative years. My love for education, books, music, travel etc all come from the people who were there for me.
I just wished that I had some memories of my dad. I kept hearing of all the stories about him and he sounded real fun, a jovial kind hearted cardiologist. I wish I had some real memories of him.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (100609)
• India
8 Mar
@TheHorse I am sorta ok I didn't interact with my mom. I see some moms that I feel OMG ..are moms like that, I am glad mine is not around. I don't think my mom would allow me to get up late, eat ice creams and cakes, let me settle my cupboard when I felt like, not when she wanted me to, and force me to be nice to people who are not nice.......many such things that the "normal" mothers do... completely denying the freedom to kids.
I will cite an example. My neighbor's daughter. She was about 3 o 4. She found a scissors somewhere. She cut her hair...it did the job swiftly, so she cut some more and some more.
Evening her mom arrived from the office, what does she do? Take the child into bedroom and beat her.
The child comes out and does her best to hold back her tears. Does it not cause stress to her heart muscles is what I feel.
I swear I could have killed that woman if I had a weapon that day. I really don't like such mothers.
This was just a learning process. All she had to do was laugh and explain look you do that you will look very ugly and all your friends are going to tease you...they wont play with you. And so on...light stuff. At least, that is the way I would have done.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160952)
• United States
7 Mar
Both my parents were intelligent and were readers. That is the good. My dad was incredibly kind. We played family games together, that is also good.The bad, I often felt overlooked. I also felt confused about the real world, but did not feel that it was okay to ask questions. I could go on and on. They were both good and bad and they made me uniquely me. They both loved me. They also had high standards.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Mar
My mom was very intelligent. She taught me to be a book lover, a pretty good cook, and, to be able to do a lot of math in my head and keep the budget. I think she also taught me not to take men and husbands really seriously and to be independent.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
7 Mar
@TheHorse ......Yeah, right. That's what women may let men think.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100609)
• India
6 Mar
My father first left with me with his friends family, and then in hostels. So I did not have much time with my mother, even when she was alive. The few moments I remember her being very loving and protective towards me.
I am one of those money people, because my father lost most of his money...signed away GPAs, including properties of mother, and his earnings. He was dependent on me and still is.
So I have not had much choice but to be money person as one side drain is enough. LOL
I think I started becoming bad once I realized how my father was duped. So not early childhood.
I loved my life in hostels. Nuns were great.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (44417)
• Wapello, Iowa
7 Mar
One thing I can say for my parents, they at least had the good sense to make sure I was born in New York City. Unless you believe my lie-filled Deep State issued Birth Certificate.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (44417)
• Wapello, Iowa
7 Mar
@TheHorse I have ten birth certificates, depending on what story I am trying to tell.
-----------I have ten passports but only one birth certificate. I should hire your Agent.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (108144)
• Marion, Ohio
6 Mar
My father could have been more open with his love. I knew he loved me he just didn't show it. My mother was a wonderful woman. Just had the old belief that husband knows best. 
. But they both allowed us to be ourselves
. But they both allowed us to be ourselves2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (38699)
•
8 Mar
Our childhood definitely shapes our future. For some, it was wonderful (at least to hear them tell it) and for some it was terrible(again...we don't really know) but I do know it seems that if a child has a childhood full of trauma, he or she seem to go one of two ways--either blaming everything on how they were raised or not raised and pointing fingers, or realizing at a young age that they COULD overcome.
I do know if mine would have been different, I wouldn't be the strong woman I have been all of my life since then. So, there's that.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100609)
• India
11 Mar
As I just mentioned, those who have fond memories of their childhood have a different attitude. In general, we forget our pain and remember our gain. Well not exactly. We do not want to relive through that pain so we become indifferent towards it even when we recall it. Some people are more forgiving so they will have rosy tales.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (38699)
•
9 Mar
@TheHorse
We all make mistakes. It's part of being human, dear. All we can do is move forward and try to do better.
2 people like this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
7 Mar
My parents were loving and well-intentioned but honestly had no idea what they were doing and I had to figure out a lot of things on my own. Fortunately, most of my friends' parents and the majority of my teachers were able to fill in the gaps my parents didn't even realize they were leaving open.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (472097)
• Switzerland
7 Mar
My parents also insisted that we had to help the less fortunate and never brag, because we did nothing to be born "more lucky" than others. My father was a wise and good man, Mom was more temperamental and it is more than evident that she liked more my brother "HER" baby boy.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (41744)
• United States
6 Mar
You were so blessed to have the parents you had and I'm really sorry you were young when they passed.
My parents weren't bad and never mistreated me. But I was neglected and didn't realize it at the time.
My father was out to sea a lot with the Coast Guard, so my mother raised (or rather didn't raise my brother, sister, and I.)
Fortunately for her, I wasn't a wild child. I did well in school and could have done well in college, but I was never encouraged or expected to go. They could afford it, but when I wanted to get married at 18 (I wasn't pregnant), they said, "Okay."
But enough. So many kids are treated far worse, so I count my blessings.
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
7 Mar
My mother was gentle and ever-loving while my father had a tough exterior but helpful when in need.
They never neglected us and cared about our well-being.
They were happy to see us stand on our legs, take steady jobs, and make an honest living.
In short, good role models
