Today's Challenge! (MyLot Exclusive #1652)

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Normally, I avoid writing challenges that limit the number of words. You know the type. They usually pop up at holiday time and typically look something like this, "Write a story about a confused elf in 500 words or less." I generally need more than 500 words, so, as I said, I pass on them. Thus, no one was more surprised than me when I said, "Yes," to one this morning. Some brain-dead America-hating libtards are saying that I only agreed to it because of the way it was delivered but after I tell you how it happened, you will clearly see that it isn't true. It all started when a girl walked in here, without knocking, and threw a sealed envelope on my desk. I looked up and saw a statuesque 5-10 blonde, holding a gold whistle and wearing a striped shirt and matching shorts and cap. "Who are you?" I asked. "And why do you look like a referee?" "I am Rose Prose, She said, "And I look like a referee because I am one. It's my job to make sure you don't break or even bend any of the rules." "What rules, Rose?" I demanded. "This is ridiculous. As if I would ever break or even bend any rules. Even if any of them applied to me. Which they don't." She blew her whistle and said, "That's what you think. As for the specific rules I've been charged with enforcing, it's all in the envelope and you should open it." "Are you telling me what to do?" "No. I'm ordering you." When I stopped laughing, she said, "You should watch the insubordination cause you're already in enough trouble. You know, so far, I could cite you for Delay Of Game if I wanted to. And I'm getting the urge to want to." There was a brief semi-awkward pause, which she politely broke with another blast of her whistle and, "JUST OPEN THE G-D ENVELOPE ALREADY!!!!!" "That whistle is giving me a headache. Stop blowing it or I'll..." I then graphically explained what I would do. "You wouldn't dare!" She said. "Wouldn't I?" I asked. "Yeah, well," She said, "If you do, the whistle isn't the only thing I won't be blowing. For a very long time." "Don't threaten me, young lady." "Keep it up and you'll learn the difference between threats and promises. The hard way. But right now, can you, before I die of old age, just please OPEN THE DUCKING ENVELOPE!" I considered her polite request for a moment and then graciously decided to grant it. I picked up the envelope, tore it open, extracted the contents, unfolded it and read it. " Good morning, Sir. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves accurately and completely describing Convicted Felon Trump in six words or less," it said. "Just six words. Or less. You have eight hours to get Miss Rose Prose...She's the girl with the gold whistle, wearing the referee uniform...to answer any questions you may have and then meet me in Seville to receive your next assignment. As always, should any member of your team be caught or unalived, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions. And Sir, the next time you go on holiday, please be good enough to let us know where you're going. This message will self-destruct in five seconds." As promised, in five seconds, the sheet of paper vanished in a puff of smoke. "Well," I said, "I guess I'm going to Spain today." Rose smiled and said, "I knew you'd do it!" "Yeah," I'll do it. Even though I never take this type of assignment." Then I got to work and when I finished, I handed her this, "Too old, too weak, and too stupid." She glanced at it and blew her whistle again. Really loud and then shouted, "Foul!" "What's wrong with it?" I asked. "You've over-egged the Omelette Pudding!" She said. "What part of 'Six words or less' don't you understand?" "I understand it perfectly!" "Then why did you give me seven words???" I didn't think you were going to count them." "Well, I did." I picked up my pen, reached over her shoulder and crossed out the "And." Then I plucked the gold whistle from between her lips and locked it the top drawer of my filing cabinet. Now, everyone was happy. ((What you have just read is the completely true censor-friendly version of today's events. For the much better unexpurgated version, go to my MyLot AfterDark Channel)).