ADVICE
@abe2547 (100)
August 14, 2024 2:11am CST
Hi, I would like some advice.
I am living with my mother and my wife in one house, My mother dont have job now she is 52 years old, She is staying us for 4 months, Am I obliged to give her money? Im the one paying for our food and shelter. Sometimes we got quarrels cause my mother interferes with our plans of my wife, and sometimes she keeps nagging me that affects my wife cause my wife is not used to it.
6 people like this
6 responses
@abhi_bangal (5516)
• Ahmednagar, India
14 Aug
I can understand what situation you are going through. It is not easy to live, especially when two women are living together (am I sounding a bit harsh here?) and one of them is the mother-in-law and the other is the daughter-in-law. In my opinion I am not expecting your mother to do a job now because she is 50+. And if she had a government job that was another thing. But from what you say it doesn't look like she has one.
But sorry I don't at all agree with your question if you are obliged to give her money or not. I mean I don't understand what sort of question this is. In Indian culture the parents - the mother and father are regarded none less then God, godly figures to their children.
Even if she is living with you, we would still say that we live with our mothers. They don't live with their children. Are you getting the difference? Forget about you being obliged to give her money. In fact it's your duty to look after your mother.
As far as the quarrel between the two ladies and you is concerned, I think you should just ignore your mother's bad feelings towards you, respect her, look after her, what she needs and what she doesn't. This is what the Indian culture teaches and we follow these things throughout our life. Now if your asking any advise, I think you have got what you were asking for. Now it's up to you how you have to approach the situation and take decisions accordingly.
1 person likes this
@abe2547 (100)
•
14 Aug
I appreciate your answer , regardless of culture its a law of nature that we need to love and respect our mother, But in my case i don't consider whatever cultures I have cause my mother have relationship with Indian, and the Indian guy have family on their country, wife and kids. So I want to set aside whatever culture we have, I want to clear my question if giving her money much better or providing her needs much better ? like shelter and food.
1 person likes this
@abhi_bangal (5516)
• Ahmednagar, India
14 Aug
@abe2547 I really appreciate you and your views that it's the law of nature that we should love and respect our mother. Totally agree. I think the relationship that you are talking about is spread outside your house. I mean there is someone who is from India and they have a family here. I could understand only that much. Sorry to say I couldn't enterprise what you wanted to say.
If your mother is living with you and there aren't any plans of her leaving your house or if she is going to stay with you forever, then I think giving her shelter and food would be the better option. You can consider it this way that if I were in your place I would have done this that I am telling you.
But at the same time you can also consider giving her a few bucks, Iike pocket money you can consider this, the same way we give our kids. But this is totally optional. And it depends how much you want to give or even you don't want to give at all.
I have answered this question from totally my point of you. And at some places I think I haven't given you vague answers. I have given you straightforward answers. So consider the other situations too that you haven't mentioned in this question, so that it will be easier for you to take your decision.
1 person likes this
@abe2547 (100)
•
14 Aug
@abhi_bangal No you answer well, this one I need, cause I need to see from different POV. Thanks anyway.
1 person likes this
@youless (112616)
• Guangzhou, China
14 Aug
Understood. Sometimes it is not easy to live well together, it needs the time to adjust to it. I think it will be nice if you can give your mom some money so that she can use it. When people are happy, it will make the family happy. I know it means that your budget will be bigger, but if it can give some peace to your family, it will be worthy.
1 person likes this
@RevivedWarrior (2622)
• India
14 Aug
In case, you are going to pay for her expenses which includes food, shelter and medicines and other miscellanous whenever needed, then there is no need to give your mother any money. There is no obligation culturewise or otherwise. When you are taking care of these things, it is as good as giving money to mother. Unless there is an expenses which she is doing on her own and she is struggling, in which case you need to use your due diligence and understand if its neccessity or indulgence. Coming to the second part , be on the side which is justified and right whether it is wife or mother . This would set a precence that you support the person who is right. As for nagging , mention to your mother politely that you are not interested .
