Life is Getting Me Down
By patgalca
@patgalca (18390)
Orangeville, Ontario
September 19, 2024 10:00pm CST
Recently I had to renew my driver's license and my health card. Last time we were allowed to renew online using the same picture from the previous cards. I received my new driver's license today. Oh my God! I hate myself. We're not allowed to wear glasses, not allowed to smile. My picture is horrid. I look like I want to kill someone. I know everyone's picture looks bad but I look downright angry in this photo. I look like a corpse. I aged 30 years looking at this picture and just wanted to die. Why do these "photographers" accept these pictures? Strict rules, no smiling, no glasses so everything is good to go. I hate it! I doubt I will show my driver's license to anyone but my health card will have the same picture and will be showing it all the time.
Add to that lately I have been racking my brain about how to make some extra money. My RRSP has about a year's worth of money left in it. I will probably live another 20-30 years. My CPP is minimal (under $400/month). I see so many people doing so many side hustles and all I can think of is that I have no talent. I have nothing to offer.
Though I used to do live streaming on Live Me (probably never heard of it), I just can't see myself doing YouTube videos. YouTube videos about what? Just feeling so down about myself now. We're spending a lot of money lately (new driveway, new mattress/box spring and probably bedding for the guest room, curtains). Are we going to renovate the bathroom? Drain my bank account? What about the chimney that looks like it's going to collapse?
Add to that the $160 or so I spend on groceries every week with very little show for it. Health issues don't make me feel much better. Doctor wants to make sure I'm doing 10,000 steps or more a day. So I've been pushing myself and am in a whole lot of pain. I just don't know what to do anymore. Aging sucks.
There is one good thing of note. I decided to wean myself off my anti-depressant that I have been on for some 20 years. I am on the lower dosage now and have immediately found that my tremors have almost completely disappeared. I had the feeling the medicine might be causing them because my mother had really bad tremors when she was on too many anti-depressants. Big question here is: How did I figure this out and not the doctors?
Please, just take me away to some tropical country and let me sit on the beach and read, swim and toodle around the island.
12 people like this
13 responses
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
Thanks. I started thinking going off the anti-depressant might be why I'm feeling a bit down. I might stay on the lower dosage instead of going off it altogether but, you know, life changes and so do our moods. And another birthday just around the corner.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
Yes, mugshot is a good word for it. I look like serial k!ll3r.
When I first developed fibromyalgia 28 years ago I tried 8 different anti-depressants before I found one that didn't give me any side effects. I also had little children back then. I know that medication can damage some organs. Codeine can damage the liver and the acid reflux medication may be the cause of my slightly damaged kidneys. I would rather not be on medications. As I get older I'm guessing there will be more medications in my future so I really would rather limit medications if I can. My stomach is so sensitive. I really think that I would be better off with counselling (if I could get a decent counsellor not one that yells at me, or tells me I need a medical doctor and lawyer). Life changes. It never stays the same and some things affect our mindset and mood.
3 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
@AmbiePam Aw, thank you. 
I have to go through my husband's insurance which leads me to one "institution". After I rejected the first counsellor they passed my file around. It took a couple of weeks until they had any takers and she rejected me after speaking with me for maybe 20 minutes. The Mental Health Care System ain't great.
I have to go through my husband's insurance which leads me to one "institution". After I rejected the first counsellor they passed my file around. It took a couple of weeks until they had any takers and she rejected me after speaking with me for maybe 20 minutes. The Mental Health Care System ain't great.2 people like this
@kaylachan (71518)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Sep
Just breathe and take it one day at a time. I do belive live.me still exists as does twitch, and other video services like it. Youtube is an option, and you can do videos about anything that pops into your head. You can join some online sites that pay in cash, and research apps that do the same. Look for ways to cut costs. Just take control of thease problems, don't let them control you.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
Live.me didn't make me any money, just made me feel like I had a lot of friends. It's just hard seeing how so many people have found a way to make a business but they have creativity that I don't have. I tried a business that I failed miserably at. Oh the dream of opening a bookstore... if I had the money to do so. But at my age...
2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
21 Sep
@kaylachan My point is that I am at the age of retirement, not of opening a business.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (71518)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
21 Sep
@patgalca I'm going to call BS on that, sorry. If you want to do something bad enough, blaming your age is just the cowards way out.
@luisadannointed (6328)
• Philippines
20 Sep
It will all come to pass, I think all of us have the same struggles when it comes to our financial dilemma but the bils keep piling up.
I you are into videos I think you can shoot anything under the sun that you love to do.
I hope and pray that everything will be fine there soon. Just always find the positivity in it.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
Most of the videos on my youtube channel are from our vacations. Something we haven't done in awhile. I'm not sure we'll be able to go at the beginning of next year like we usually do due to my daughter requiring knee surgery which could take her 2 months to become mobile enough to leave her alone. We may make a last minute trip when she is mobile. Making last minute reservations could be cheaper too.
I have done some short videos on Instagram but I'm not very good at it and it's frustrating sometimes. I have absolutely no idea how to edit.
As I always say, everything changes. Nothing stays the same. Unfortunately the changes I foresee are not what I want. I have a chronic illness and have been having a rough go of it lately. Lots of chronic pain.
1 person likes this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
22 Sep
@luisadannointed I suppose if I had taken better care of myself in my 20's... but I can't turn back the clock and who really knew that a healthy active lifestyle in your 20's would affect your physical health in your 60's. I didn't have my shoulder looked at when it got beaned by a softball in my 20's. I sure am paying for it now.
Prayers to you.
1 person likes this
@luisadannointed (6328)
• Philippines
22 Sep
@patgalca wow that's cool, just keep on going... I hope your daughter will have a quick and complete recovery soon.
Yeah I understand everything is changing, but don't worry too much about the change you can always finds ways to learning it in youtube.
Heheheh I think all of us who are not getting any younger feels the same and have the same dilemma, right now I am in medication due to my goiter, and as I grow older I feel backpains and different pains that I don't have before. Let's just do what we can do to eat and drink healthy and pray. God bless.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
We go to Cuba (or Mexico or one year St. Lucia) once a year. This January my still living at home daughter will be undergoing knee surgery which will require me to be at home with her until she is mobile. It could be 2 months. I have suggested to my husband that when she is doing better we will make last minute plans that will probably be cheaper anyway.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia 28 years ago, I tried 8 different anti-depressants until I found one with no side effects. Now I am getting side effects from coming off of it. I'm wondering if this increased body pain is due to weaning off of it. I'll be seeing the doctor again soon and will discuss it with her.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47611)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
20 Sep
I don't know how not smiling and taking off one's glasses is supposed to result in a recogizable image of a person who wears glasses from the moment they get up until they go to bed, especially if they're habitual smilers.
1 person likes this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
I like my glasses because they hide my bushy eyebrows (inherited from my father) and bags under my eyes (also inherited by my father... and mother). I literally look like a criminal in my picture. Being a black and white makes it so much worse. I look like I'm totally gray when I don't have a lick of gray hair on my head.
2 people like this
@Juliaacv (51452)
• Canada
20 Sep
Most Canadians, living on a fixed income or not, are struggling to make ends meet.
So many are stressing over it, some have taken on second jobs.
I have not, my husband is retired, yet I continue to work full time and will until age of 65.
That being said, I am stashing what I can, which is not what it was even 2 years ago, due to the inflation.
You do only what you can do.
Can you find a cash paying small job? Can you offer respite care for the elderly for a couple of hours in their home while their primary care giver goes out, or could you offer after school daycare for area children?
That would allow you the majority of your day to yourself and your house chores and then still bring in a little bit of money.
I hope that you can plan something.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
20 Sep
I have a chronic illness and lately the pain has been pretty bad. I do volunteer at church but think I'm doing as much as I can.
I have inheritance money which I have invested and am watching it grow. I will need it for my retirement years and hopefully travel. Actually, I'm already in my retirement years technically. But I may have another 30 years ahead of me.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (80635)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Sep
Just don't think there would be absolutely no problems on the tropical island, You will have to have enough money to survive on but otherwise it sounds good, The way I deal with my anxiety lately is if I feel things are on the downswing like nothing seems all right anymore I find what will make me happy or satisfied again then I attempt to keep myself there at that point, So far I have to say things have been all right, I hope you find some relief for yourself,
2 people like this
@innertalks (22071)
• Australia
20 Sep
Yes, a lot of problems come to us in old age, poor health, lack of money, and more effort needed to do anything.
I just take it that as long as I am still alive, I, my as well, keep going, as the journey should never end, with my ending it.
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
21 Sep
@innertalks Many complaints here by all areas of society about the lack of mental health assistance.
1 person likes this
@innertalks (22071)
• Australia
21 Sep
@patgalca With chronic pain, it is also hard to sleep, and then lack of sleep causes more anxiety too.
I find talking with someone helps, and we have a free telephone counselling service, that I use here.
Maybe, you have one over there too???
@cabuyogty (3053)
• Philippines
22 Sep
Hello! I hope something good will happen for you today! Have a nice day! 
1 person likes this
@grenery8 (11050)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
21 Sep
you're going through to a lot of struggle. the only comfort is you are not the only one; single people are having it worse, some humour
as for antidperessants, i agree, i stopped taking mine after 10ish years too. i hope you will handle all the bad things step by step.
as for antidperessants, i agree, i stopped taking mine after 10ish years too. i hope you will handle all the bad things step by step.2 people like this
@patgalca (18390)
• Orangeville, Ontario
21 Sep
One thing that is going well is communication with my husband. Instead of getting down about things he does or doesn't do, I have been able to talk to him and he has been receptive. It's only taken 30 years. 
I was surprised yesterday when he texted he was golfing and I responded with how bad I was struggling, he asked if he could pick something up for me. I was a little stunned. When I talked to him after he got home it became a joke because I think he was just being nice and really didn't want to pick anything up for me. He would have though. More laughter between us has felt good.
I was surprised yesterday when he texted he was golfing and I responded with how bad I was struggling, he asked if he could pick something up for me. I was a little stunned. When I talked to him after he got home it became a joke because I think he was just being nice and really didn't want to pick anything up for me. He would have though. More laughter between us has felt good.1 person likes this
