What can we do for caregivers? (A topic a lot of you are not interested in…right now)
By Amber
@AmbiePam (100001)
United States
September 20, 2024 9:23am CST
If you are not interested in the topic of caregiving, chances are you will be someday as you will most likely find yourself in that role. This is a topic near and dear to my heart as I was one for my late mother, and more so was my dad (my mom was 46 when diagnosed with dementia, and died at 55). I don’t know how many times my dad thought he was having a heart attack from stress. She had no control over her body, mind, actions…It was like taking care of a one year old in an adult’s body.
When I couldn’t watch her as much, he found a program designed by a man who couldn’t find help for his own wife when he was her caregiver. A free Monday through Friday daycare, from 7am to 3pm. What a godsend. It still wasn’t enough. He almost bankrupted himself trying to keep her at home (unless you’re rich, you aren’t likely to find a nursing home you don’t have to worry about).
Should the government give more tax credits? Grants to help organizations expand programs that aid caregivers? Free counseling? Is it up to our community? I remember my dad’s church did a meal train that kept him from having to worry about making dinner for a month. And, although, they all weren’t capable of watching my mom, they would come over and keep my dad company when he couldn’t leave the house, and I was too sick to come help.
But what if the caregiver has no friends or community? Can we make them feel like they can borrow “ours”?
What would you suggest? And current caregivers, what would have helped you?
11 people like this
9 responses
@LadyDuck (477520)
• Italy
20 Sep
My husband has not dementia, but he is losing short term memory. He remembers the past, but he can remember nothing of what he just did, read or heard. It's not easy, he asks the same questions over and over again and I am helping him all the time trying to find things that he misplaced. Well, I am glad to take care of him, we are together from 54 years and I would be lost without him. A therapist comes to see him twice a week, he spent two hours with my husband to "train his memory", this is paid by our National Healthcare and it helps.
5 people like this
@snowy22315 (191947)
• United States
20 Sep
I think making caregivers aware of all the services that are out there are good. Alot of times people in that position don't know that there is help availabl ie respite care etc. Unfortunately, it isn't often enough for someone. These days there are many decent senior facilities will care for you loved one with Alzheimers. However, as with most things it comes with a cost. Maybe churches could make themselves available via doctors or neurologists or just putting cards out to those that have these issues in the community, so they know they can depend on them as a resource.
5 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (118419)
• Marion, Ohio
20 Sep
A 24 hour or more break can be very beneficial. But unless family can and will do that for the caregiver it can be impossible to get without a lot of money. Visiting helps from friends and family. The meal idea is wonderful. Also helping with chores is a big help that gets overlooked often. Something as simple as dishes or mowing often doesn't get done. The best I have seen is a friend of mine. There is 5 kids that take turns staying with their mom. That means everyone gets plenty of rest and still can enjoy the rest of their family. But many families even with that many kids don't work together like that. It will fall on just one person.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (118419)
• Marion, Ohio
21 Sep
@AmbiePam If my brother and sister had just stayed with dad on the weekends we could have kept him home. But I finally couldn't keep going. Thankfully they had enough in the bank to cover a couple of months in the home. That was just less money we divided and they didn't like that
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (100001)
• United States
21 Sep
@wolfgirl569 So you were the one who did right by your dad, and you just couldn’t get any support where you should have.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (86447)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Sep
I have no idea about any of this, For me I rely on the power of prayer and thank the Lord each day that I can do and think for myself,
2 people like this
@JudyEv (357094)
• Rockingham, Australia
21 Sep
I think Snowy's reply is good. I'm sure many aren't aware of the services available. I would never judge anyone for putting a person with Alzheimer's into care, especially if the person tends to be aggressive or say, a fragile wife trying to care for a large husband. But of course there is always the cost to consider.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (100001)
• United States
21 Sep
I was so worried about losing both my parents that I wanted my dad to put my mom into a nursing home. It was cheaper, and that would have taken care of my dad’s financial concerns for the most part. But we were both worried about mistreatment. One “good” thing about this happening earlier in life was that he was “young” enough to physically care for her. And I hate even typing “good”.
And thank you for mentioning how you wouldn’t judge. Several non Americans I’ve noticed think Americans (I can think of 3 Mylotters right now) dump our older family members in nursing homes because we don’t care. But memory issues can bring aggression like you said, and my grandmother needed back surgery trying to care for her son (he refused to go to a home). She couldn’t physically do it anymore. And like I said, the cost of keeping them at home, especially when you have a job already, is just tough. If my dad’s friends had not thrown a fundraiser that raised $40,000 my dad couldn’t have kept her with him.
Sorry, I went on and on. I just appreciate your compassion.
3 people like this
@JudyEv (357094)
• Rockingham, Australia
21 Sep
@AmbiePam Thanks for the kind words. Many of the caring/nursing staff in our aged homes and assisted living places are from Asian countries and often seem much more respectful of the elderly. Mistreatment isn't all that uncommon here either but full-time care becomes too much for an elderly partner/spouse who are at the age where they are experiencing their own problems. It's really nice and must be very comforting to know that your mother had the best of care up until her demise.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (192917)
• United States
21 Sep
I think insurance needs to cover more $ for caregiver services. People cannot afford to pay someone to come 24/7; but if you could get someone 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, that would be helpful. We may be in this situation when my husband comes out of rehab. Meals on Wheels helps tremendously as we get a hot meal Monday through Friday for lunch. National Health Care would make it easier to get more home-bound services. Have a good weekend.
2 people like this
@allknowing (148493)
• India
21 Sep
I have had care givers when I had that ghastly accident and while some were caring there were others who were unwilling workers.
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (43778)
• United States
25 Sep
I know that was such a hard several years for you all when your mom was sick.
I'm so thankful Dale has been well and able to be a wonderful caregiver to me these past two years while I had cancer. I truly don't know how I could have managed.
When you wrote about "borrowing ours" I remembered that the most help we received was from a church we didn't even attend (we do now!) who fed us a meal every day for a week.
Most people have no idea what all being a caregiver really means. I wish communities or churches could put more effort into helping. Or at least I can ask God to put it more into my own heart.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (85127)
• United States
25 Sep
I can certainly relate to your dad feeling like he was going to have a heart attack from stress while caring for your mom. I felt the same way taking care of my mom and it's just exhausting and stressful. I am very thankful for both my daughters as they often stepped up to help out. I loved my mom dearly but being a caregiver required the patience of a saint.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (85127)
• United States
25 Sep
@AmbiePam It certainly would be great if there was a way. Caregivers need a break and help. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have my daughters.
1 person likes this
