Death and condolences....

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I really have difficulty at such times. I find many people visit the people who have lost a loved one. There, after having spent a couple of minutes with the family members, they move on to other folks, talk about children, business, etc. I find it strange....they don't have time to think of the person who is no more. Personally, the person who is gone...needs to be remembered...what he or she did for us needs to be mentioned......it helps the grieving person cry....and realize the goodness about the person they didn't know....crying helps to lighten the heart and mind, and let the pain be washed away. It also helps the grieving person know they have a friend in me....the goodwill having been built and exposed. So when I went to console a family almost an year ago, I didn't expect the family members to be inquiring about my dad, or my health.....that brings in a level of indifference towards the dead and also towards us....formality of asking about my father... While there is justification for making the environment light............turning such a situation into an opportunity for discussing business etc............................. words fail me....but it happens out here. Maybe I have a different social standard. So my such visits last....15 minutes flat...less than that.... We offer money for funerals, clear dues if any...customary. We also take sweets......yeah sweets, because they are supposed to bring down the sadness with pleasure of eating........... That is the norm. And the family is not allowed to cook for a few days......others bring food or send food. Even the visitors who arrive at lunch time from other towns are asked to join the meals. I was taken aback when asked to eat. But the lady who was asking me to eat was dying of stomach cancer.........so I gave in..........she died after I finished my meal. I always wondered whether she would have survived had I not eaten that day. What is customary at your end, and how socially and emotionally correct do you think such customs are?