12/16/24 - Update On My Husband
By LindaOH
@LindaOHio (181177)
United States
December 16, 2024 1:09am CST
We visited my husband yesterday. He was sitting in his wheelchair when we got there. He said that his roommate is dangerous and he knows people. Most of the time while I was there, he sat with his head down. We hardly spoke to each other. After a while he wanted to get back into bed; and the aide came in to assist him. He had a great deal of difficulty getting from the wheelchair to the bed which made me feel a little better about putting him in long term care.
He mentioned that he wanted to see me more often. That broke my heart. The thought of him lying in bed all day in long-term care, not seeing anyone but an occasional aide, not getting any physical therapy and basically just staying there until he dies, makes me so sad. I've been thinking about the days when we dated...the times we went out and dressed up...we were quite a good looking couple. Now my sweetheart is skinny, frail and confused.
Thank you for your continued prayers, support and thoughts.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
26 people like this
22 responses
@MarieCoyle (38561)
•
16 Dec
He just couldn’t be home now without full time care. That is not your fault or his, either. Even if it didn’t cost twice what you are paying for long term care, finding and employing full time care is really difficult with the shortage of health care workers. You are doing the best you can for him right now.
I hope something can be worked out to figure a way for you to see him more often. I know that would mean a lot to both of you.
4 people like this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
Right now the only one who can take me is his 2nd cousin.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (38561)
•
16 Dec
@LindaOHio
Would she take you more than once a week? Maybe wants to earn some extra $? I wish there was someone who could!
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
21h
@MarieCoyle No. Once a week is her limit. She doesn't want any $ even though I do give her a check from time to time.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (71508)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Dec
I still wouldn't give up on him, and meeting his wishes. He's going to have good days and bad ones. As will you. You'll figure it out.
4 people like this
@kaylachan (71508)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Dec
@LindaOHio Just don't give up. Get in touch with social workers, doctors and your insurance company. Hell, even the VA has resorceses out there you can use. I complain about them sometimes,but it's not my fault that our outpatient clinic here was small until recently. They still try to defer people to the bigger one in Orlando. And, I can't physically force George to go to that one if he doesn't want to. But, they'd been amazing when it comes to the things he needed. So, I'd reach out to them, too (since you're sighning your husband up) and find out what options they have for in-home 24/7 care. And, really, if I had to choose between w where my savings were going, I'd use it to pay for home-health nursing.
We don't know how long he has left. So I'd be on the phone and internet doing as much research as humanly possible.
What kind of things CAN he do? That will actually determine what kind of help he actually needs, which will help you narrow your search. If he's NOT on I.V. medication, you don''t need a licienced nurse to manage and administer medications. You only need a nurse if they have to frequently draw blood, and administer I.V. medications. Anyone can become a cirtified care giver, and that's an avanue to explore for what he can't do.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
I still have to tell him about long term care.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160879)
• United States
16 Dec
A good care home will NOT leave him in bed all day. If he needs it he will likely be moved to a memory care wing. There will be activities and social events. Maybe even special events that you are invited to. I am so sorry it is hard for you to get there to see him more often. It is boring for him I am sure.
3 people like this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
He really needs to be out of bed every day.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72517)
• Philippines
16 Dec
I'm just glad you get to visit him yesterday but I can understand how sad it is at the same time. Seeing him in that situation is indeed heartbreaking.
2 people like this
@FourWalls (68888)
• United States
16 Dec
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The pain is unimaginable. We never “plan” for these things…”in sickness and in health” is a wedding vow, but we never think about it when we’re young. 
You are doing the right thing. As I said, you are in no physical condition to help him if something happens; and, by the same token, his instinctive inclination to help you if something were to happen is also an impossibility. I hate it, and I wish I could do something to help. I’m here if you need me. 
You are doing the right thing. As I said, you are in no physical condition to help him if something happens; and, by the same token, his instinctive inclination to help you if something were to happen is also an impossibility. I hate it, and I wish I could do something to help. I’m here if you need me. 2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
Thank you so much. You are a good friend.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (51452)
• Canada
16 Dec
I am glad that you have those sweet memories, he may not.
I have found that often people with dementia, who spend a great deal of their days sitting or lying idle, are just letting themselves have a rest, both physically as well as mentally. I cannot imagine that he is lying there bored.
You've done the very finest that you can for him. It is not your nor his fault for his sudden and swift health decline, but it is sweet to realize that at the root of it he still loves you. My mother had long forgotten my Dad, whom she was married to just months shy of 50 years years before she passed from her Alzheimers.
4 people like this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. My hubby knows who I am for now.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47611)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
16 Dec
Is his roommate truly dangerous? And when he says he "knows people" I assume he's not talking about boyscouts. Maybe mention it to whoever's in charge and voice your concern for hubby's safety.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
No. It's a scenario that he made up in his brain. He's very confused.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (181948)
• United States
16 Dec
Those memories will help sustain you come what may.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (181948)
• United States
16 Dec
@LindaOHio Take them with you when you go to visit. It will help him remember.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
Yes, I want to drag out the old photo albums and look at the pictures of the two of us together.
1 person likes this
I'm so sorry for both of you, I wish something could be done about your situation but I believe you made the right decision. At least he is looked after and gets what he needs for now. I just pray that you get what you need as well.
@Tampa_girl7 (50580)
• United States
16 Dec
Hopefully you can have him somewhere that you can still visit him and they will take good care of him and get him out of his bed everyday.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (50580)
• United States
15h
@LindaOHio Did you ever get in touch with the VA. They have a lot of services that he may qualify for.
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
21h
He can get physical therapy at home; but it's only for a short time.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (80635)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Dec
At least he knew you were there with him, Suggestion how about a picture of the two of you in your younger days that could be kept by his bed in the new facility, Will you be able to arrange to visit more often? Blessings to you both,
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
21h
Yes, I have a picture I could take. No, I don't have anyone else to take me.
1 person likes this
@just4him (317250)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
8h
@LindaOHio I'm sorry she's the only one who can take you to see him.
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
Yes it is. His 2nd cousin is the only one who can take me.
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (84182)
• Rupert, Idaho
16 Dec
I can't imagine how hard that would be to go through for both of you....
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
21h
@MommyOfEli2013 Thank you. I just have to adjust my thinking and my life.
@wolfgirl569 (107859)
• Marion, Ohio
16 Dec
Hope you can find a way to visit more. Thinking that about his roommate says he has more confusion than just sundowners. You have made the best decision you could.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
Yes, as hard as it was, I did what I had to do.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
Unfortunately he's not a "joiner". Thank you for the hugs.
1 person likes this
@porwest (92404)
• United States
16 Dec
Such a sad circumstance, and I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. AND for him, of course. End of life is never an easy thing for anyone, but of course we all have to face it eventually. I was thinking the other day about my mom's special friend, Roy, who recently passed at 92. As sad as it is to ever say goodbye, when you see someone no longer living, in an odd way, it makes the goodbye a little bit easier.
Life is only ever worth living if what you are doing during your time here is...living.
I hope you can find a way to see him more often. He needs you in his life now more than ever. What is endearing when you think about it is that, right now, and probably has always been, you ARE the most important thing in his life.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181177)
• United States
16 Dec
Yes, he was upset when I had to leave; and he wants to see me more often.
@jnrdutton (3181)
• United States
16 Dec
Your ordeal with your husband is heartbreaking, I am sorry you two are going through this. It's never easy watching a Loved one who was once so vibrant deteriorate. Just know we care about you,
1 person likes this
@Beestring (14665)
• Hong Kong
16 Dec
I feel so sorry when I read this post. But I think under such circumstances, putting him in long term care is the right decision.
1 person likes this
