Enjoy your littles

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Sometimes I get jealous seeing the pictures my friends post of their littles enjoying Christmas. It's not that I'm not happy for them or even necessarily sad for myself. I love my son exactly as he is but that doesn't mean I don't miss when Christmas was still magical to him. Your kids grow up in the blink of an eye. One minute you're looking into those wide little eyes filled with magic and the next you're staring at the eyes of a teenager who gets annoyed because you asked them to take out the trash. It's not that my son isn't amazing because he is but there are definitely days I miss his littleness. I enjoy every age and stage but I really miss the years of his innocence and littleness where everything was exciting and magical. It's not that the teen years are bad they're just different. Things aren't as exciting to him as they once were. I always tell people that I know littles can be difficult at times because they're so dependent on you but at the same time that's also one of the best parts of it because they need you in a way they won't need you later. I miss my son coming in to cuddle with me and tell me all about whatever thing he was obsessed with. Those are the things we often take for granted. I was the center of his universe and I did no wrong in his eyes. It wasn't realistic and as he got older he realized I'm human and make mistakes which isn't a bad thing but you find yourself missing those moments. My son is absolutely amazing but I sometimes wish I could go back and enjoy that littleness for just a little bit longer. It's so easy to get frustrated in the moment because you want just five minutes to yourself or you are so tired of listening to your child ramble on and on about something you don't care anything about but those moments are so precious. They love and trust you more than anyone else on the planet and one day some of that goes away. They'll always love you and you may continue to be one of their favorite person but you'll no longer be the center of their universe and you'll find yourself being more wrong than right. It's just the way it often goes. It's part of growing up and there is nothing wrong with it but what I wouldn't give to have a few more magical Christmas moments with my son. I wish I could go back and give him more magic in a way I couldn't afford to then. When he was little we were struggling more financially and couldn't afford to give him as much and he never once acted like any of that mattered to him. He was just so happy for every little thing he did have. He's always been like that. Everyone loved giving him gifts because he'd always act like each gift was the best thing he ever received. My best piece of advice to give parents who are frustrated this time of year is to stop stressing so much about making everything perfect because I promise you everything is already magical to them and all they really want is you. Enjoy the moment because it's so fleeting. Be present and listen to them ramble because you are their person. You are their universe and they love you and you being there with them is enough. My son wanted my time more than he wanted anything else. He wanted me to listen to his stories and give him cuddles and laugh and play with him. I did my best to give him that but sometimes I failed. Sometimes I was tired and I wasn't as present as I should have been and I understand that's ok too because we are all human. He was ok with just cuddling up with me and watching TV. The dynamic of things has changed a lot since he has gotten older. He doesn't need me as much but he still loves to come and talk to me which makes me feel blessed that he still feels he can talk to me. We watch movies and TV shows together and we talk about a ton of things. He will tell me about what he wants to do when he gets older. He told me he wanted to go to the same vocational high school I went to and take something that has to do with computers. He just enjoys talking to me and that's some of our most cherished time now. When he was really little I would read to him and that was one of my favorite things to do with him. He loved when I read to him. He would bring me stacks of books and I'd read them all. He had almost all of his books memorized. I miss those moments but even now sometimes we'll still find a book and I'll read it out loud for both of us and he still enjoys it. I know people think that once a kid can read to themselves there's no need to read to them anymore but sometimes your teens still enjoy it. Yes, he can read it himself but sometimes there's something about reading and sharing a book together that brings about discussions and togetherness even when your kids are older. My son loves that he can ask questions as things come up that he wouldn't have been able to ask if he read it himself even if we both read it because he'd have forgotten the question. I do miss my son being little and occasionally get jealous of seeing my friends with their littles but I also find I love spending time with this amazing human I've created that not only can do things for himself but will take the time to help me out when I need him in a way he couldn't help when he was little. I'll always miss the little years but I will also always love him for exactly who he is now. That little boy he was is still in there and will come out from time to time and I get to enjoy moments with him now that I didn't get to enjoy then. Enjoy every moment you can with your child big or little. Parenting is difficult and we don't always have all the answers but your kids love you for who you are flaws and all. You may be less perfect in their eyes as they get older but they still love you and need you it's just different now. Never stop being there for them and never stop trying to make things magical for them if you get the chance because even as adults we could all use a little magic.