Christmas during my childhood and Christmas now

Tweet

As I celebrated Christmas with my family I was reminded of memories of Christmas past. I miss the magic I used to feel around Christmas. When I was a kid we had the best Christmases maybe because I wasn't the adult who was responsible for making the magic happen and I got to just show up and everything was done. There was just something about Christmas during my childhood that seemed extra special. I remember decorating the tree with my brother and I remember how the mall was lit up in lights and seemed magical. I remember driving around with my parents and looking at Christmas lights. I remember writing a Christmas list for my mom every year. I remember the way my brother and I would be too excited to sleep on Christmas Eve and it was the one time of year we didn't argue and we'd stay up talking until we both finally fell asleep and then waking up bright and early to see the tree lit up with presents underneath it. The way the tree twinkled in the dark with the lights that played music always made it extra special. I remember how my brother and I had to wait impatiently for our parents to get up in order to open presents and the way my dad always took extra long to get up out of bed despite the fact that he wasn't the one who was up late wrapping gifts, that was my mother. He couldn't come down and watch us open presents and then do what he had to do he had to do everything else first and then come down. He was never all that excited to watch us open gifts but my mom was adamant that he be there even though he didn't even know what we got despite his name being on them, my mom is the one who paid for them all because my dad didn't think we needed any gifts, he just wasn't into Christmas. I remember the way my brother would make me go up and annoy our parents to get up to open gifts and the way I never wanted to wake them up but he threatened to punch me if I didn't. I would walk into the room and be like "D wants to know when we can open presents" and my brother would be so annoyed that I'd say that but I was always more patient he was and didn't want to get yelled at. After our Christmas morning, we'd have people come over in the afternoon for our big family Christmas celebration with all of my older siblings (my older siblings are between 10 to 21 years older than me) and nieces and nephews. My brother and I loved playing with our nieces and nephews who were more like cousins since we were all so close in age and we'd get so excited to be together. My dad would make a big Christmas meal and if there was snow all of us kids would go sledding. When we all finally came inside we'd play games. In my family as soon as you were old enough to read you were old enough to play Boggle and the adults didn't take mercy on you. In my family, you win on your own merit and not because anyone let you win. We are a very competitive bunch. I think back to that time and the way it all seemed so special and I'm sad my son doesn't really get that. We stopped having big family Christmas gatherings for several years. We now get together after Christmas to celebrate so we can all spend time individually with our own families on Christmas. It's not the same as it used to be. This year my husband and I spent our first Christmas with just the three of us without my mom and it was a little different. My mother used to spend Christmas with us since we lived together but she got her own apartment and it has been different. We would have invited her today but my brother is living with her and my husband hates my brother for valid reasons and my mom wouldn't have wanted to leave him so it was easier to not invite her and avoid the awkwardness of telling her he wasn't allowed here (we don't trust him). We decided to go and get Chinese for lunch since it was the only place open and we didn't buy anything for lunch while at the store earlier due to wanting out and the store being crowded and since we eat dinner later we got Chinese food and my husband said this may be a new tradition. We then ate our Christmas dinner (we do meatloaf for Christmas) and played a game together as a family and just really enjoyed time together. My son opened presents earlier in the morning. It was a kind of mellow Christmas but we really enjoyed it. My son and I watched a movie while my husband took a nap after lunch. My Christmases haven't been the same since I was a kid and now that my son is getting older he isn't as excited over it either but we still enjoyed it. I miss the magic of it but it was still nice to spend time with my son and husband. We sat at the table and ate dinner and talked and then played a game and enjoyed each other's presence. We had so much fun and that was always my favorite part of Christmas anyway, togetherness. I hope my son looks back years later and remembers Christmas the same way that I do when I remember Christmas during my childhood. I hope he feels the magic. I've worked hard over the years to make it as magical as possible. I hope he thinks back and remembers how loved he was and is.