Elections Have Consequences, Ya Beatniks! (Mylot Exclusive #1828)

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It is 5F ((-15C)) here in the Neon Fun Jungle but I am not as cold and uncomfortable as my friend, George W. Bush. Dubya had a really bad, highly unlucky day yesterday. Because of the unfortunate events on Hard Monday, for the next four years, everyone will return to calling him the dumbest living ex-President. Even if you include all the dead exes but continue to exclude the ex who somehow became the current, he's still the dumbest by way more than a country mile and will remain so until the current becomes an ex again. The one thing he has going for him is that no one will ever again call him, "The most stupid President we've ever had." But he's had that since 2016. He needs some fresh good news. But, amid all the predictable Un-American lunacy that occurred yesterday, there was one big surprise. Diminutive Donny What's His Name proved that he's a lot braver than I thought he was. He did this by getting down on his hands and knees and begging his boss, President Leon Musk, for permission to pardon the J6 criminals. Leon shrugged, ruffled his sub's hair, and said, "It's your funeral, so, if that will make you happy, knock yourself out, meine kleiner Schatz." He finished with "Seig Heil!" Gave the Nazi salute and waltzed out of the room. Diminutive Donny then got to work and released the angry violent criminals who must know that he is the only reason they were in jail in the first place. They must know it because President Biden just highlighted the phenomenon by pardoning many people who will never even be arrested. They must be asking themselves, "Why does Sleepy Joe care more about his supporters than Tiny Donny cares about us? We even ignored the fact that he's Gay!" The one thing that Little Donny has going for him is that the useless idiots he just turned loose are just as winning and effective as their Glorious Loser. They were ready and willing to kill Mike Pence and many others. But they were unable ((To be fair, they did manage to kill that retarded suicidal girl, Ashley What's Her Name. But she didn't count because her suicide was not part of the plan)). They are hopelessly incompetent. Just like their cult leader. They failed and made What's His Name look bad and that's why he made them sit in jail for four years. Will they continue to fail? Maybe. But if I were Dinky DonOld's insurance agent, I would play it safe by canceling his life insurance policies. You know, just in case his cult decides to get revenge by canceling him. As they've already tried at least twice. And they can't fail forever. Can they? ************* Business Insider Trump issues sweeping pardons for roughly 1,500 January 6 participants Story by tspirlet@insider.com (Thibault Spirlet,Brent D. Griffiths) • 34m • 2 min read