Do you think favours create invisible obligation, making it tough to say “no”?

India
February 24, 2025 11:09am CST
One of my friends is having a tough time with her boss. She got hired in an organization thanks to a friend, who in turn was her boss’s friend. Now her boss feels she owes him. All the office work, some not related to her role and then additional responsibilities are all added to her. She also has to travel every three months and there are financial losses due to these travels. She feels she is obliged to him as she never got a job, after hunting in the market for almost 6 months and it her current boss who hired due to his friend recommending her. There seems to be unspoken expectation and there is a certain level of indebtedness, even if people do not directly acknowledge them. Again, social dynamics makes it difficult to refuse. Have you experience situations where favours created an invisible obligation, making it tough to say “no”?
5 people like this
6 responses
@lilacskies (6206)
• United States
24 Feb
The thing about favors is that they tie you to a person. Favors are like debts. You keep paying and paying until the other person is satisfied. Unless you absolutely have to, don't give or take favors. Life is much more simple the less you get involved with people.
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@vandana7 (101327)
• India
24 Feb
So true. But some people have no hesitation in taking favors...and don't understand when others stop doing favors to them.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Feb
@vandana7 That is true. These same people have no shame and are best to be avoided. There is nothing but further hassle if you are inclined to deal with them in the future. I avoid such people as much as possible.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (223670)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Feb
Those who exploit me do bother me. But at least I know I am consistent with my principles. I wish Maluse was around to bash me. I think she called me a Puritan or a Protestant or something.
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@vandana7 (101327)
• India
24 Feb
It sure is confusing, and you never know how to tackle it until its too late. A sane friend told me, you owe food for food, money for money, help for help, in equal quantities. So your friend does not owe her boss, but her friend who helped her get the job. That too, she owes her help in getting a job. Nothing more, nothing less. So this friend may consider shifting to another job, perhaps. Nothing ties her down to this job, does it?
2 people like this
@vandana7 (101327)
• India
26 Feb
@sjvg1976 I don't think that lady knows, and it will be awkward for her to intervene too. At times, it is difficult even for employees to decide when to object. What seems like an innocent question turns out to be testing waters to see up to what limits I can go, how much you need the job, how much you will bend... I remember one girl, who worked for my former tenant. She was employed as a manager. She was a good looking Muslim girl. Her boss, my tenant, asked her where are good dentists........I looked up from what I was reading almost with a jerk. This girl didn't realize he was trying to treat her as a personal assistant (he is a widower). She innocently explained. I was torn...whether to object to such exploitation or to let her decide for herself. A month later, she decided for herself, and left the job. Finding out dentists? Does the guy not have MALE friends or family and business associates and acquaintances? And he knows how to use Internet!!! Lucky the tenant left my house shortly after that. Other lady worker working with him, joined the new tenant, and has interesting stories to narrate.
@sjvg1976 (41810)
• Delhi, India
25 Feb
Boss's friend should intervene in it if it's possible. I think she should discuss it before it's getting too late.
2 people like this
@allknowing (141346)
• India
24 Feb
It is a give and take policy when sometimes the 'give' is far larger than 'take' and there lies the trouble.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (141346)
• India
25 Feb
@TheHorse I enjoy giving and expect noting in return
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@TheHorse (223670)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Feb
I am working on not being "exploited." But I don't mind "giving." There is often no cost to me.
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@sjvg1976 (41810)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb
This happens, but at times we must say "No" without worrying about the consequences. Your friend have to understand that she gets compensated for the tasks mentioned in her job description and is not bought by her employer. She ought to get another job before circumstances worsen if she is afraid of losing her current occupation.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (223670)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Feb
I try not to be "indebted" to anyone. But there was one person I helped in many ways. When I asked her for some advice she refused. She is the reason this song was written. It is the first song @Vandana7 and I posted together.
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1 person likes this
@vandana7 (101327)
• India
24 Feb
There was so much depth in that song...it still sounds so freshly sung. Though sad songs are not favored by me, I could say this is your best.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (101327)
• India
24 Feb
I avoid taking obligations. One of the complaints my neighbors have.
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@TheHorse (223670)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Feb
@vandana7 It came from the heart. I know you have heard my recent favorite. I do it with Hair of the Dawg. But I do not sing lead.
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@JudyEv (347065)
• Rockingham, Australia
24 Feb
This is a hard one. Maybe she should look around for a new job.
2 people like this