It's Your Choice...
By LindaOH
@LindaOHio (183936)
United States
March 3, 2025 1:46am CST
I've agonized for days and day as to whether I should make this post or not. It's said that you should not speak ill of the dead UNLESS the decedent hurt someone. Well, my husband hurt me deeply and I felt the need to contradict the glowing words I have said about him over the past year.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, STOP READING NOW!!!
I've told you how much I loved him and what a good guy he was. This was in spite of the fact that in the first half of our marriage I was 99.9% sure he had an affair or several affairs over a year-and-a-half period. Turns out I was right. There was just too much evidence. My mistake, and I don't know why I didn't do this, was not sitting him down, telling him that I knew he was cheating and make him confess. When I would ask him about various things I found, he vehemently denied cheating and would always have an excuse for whatever it was. I should have not let this rest; and I should have aggressively asked for answers.
I have carried the knowledge of this for more than 30 years. I've thought about it every day. I kicked myself for not forcing him to 'fess up. He has a friend who really likes me a lot. I called him and asked him about my husband; and he confirmed that he had cheated (he had names) once and that my husband told him he had at least 2 or 3 more affairs. He also told me about some really strange and kinky things that he asked him to participate in...some included me. If only I would have asked him before my husband died. I wonder if he would have told me then or if he would be afraid because my husband would definitely know where the information came from??? It's frustrating because I can't confront my husband and tell him that I know everything.
I hope I don't lose any of my dear friends here over this. I felt that since you had my husband up on a pedestal, it wasn't fair for me to let you continue thinking he was a great guy. I am still crying over this. I may never get over it.
I still love him, I miss him; and I probably would have forgiven him; BUT I never would have forgotten. He's a cheater. The fact that we got really close the older we got and we had some really good times doesn't change the fact that I didn't deserve to be treated this way. I would love to know why he did it. His friend said that my husband didn't like overweight women...and I was overweight. Could be the reason..
Well, that's the story. I've left out the details because some are really shocking. I hope I don't lose your friendship over this and you will support me in trying to get over my devastation. My world was shattered.
I love you all. 
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Photo Credit: Pixabay19 people like this
16 responses
@DaddyEvil (142425)
• United States
9h
Nobody deserves to be cheated on and you haven't lost my friendship. I will always support you in whatever you need. 
4 people like this
@andriaperry (118377)
• Anniston, Alabama
5h
I will always be your friend! Your marriage has nothing to do with our friendship, however, I am feeling your devastation and I know how I would feel also.
Yes, what your husband did was wrong, and you know what? The man that told you is also wrong! Why? You said the friend liked you a lot? Then why did he not tell you about all that a long time ago? Your husband is gone and cannot confess nor deny what he told you. I would NOT trust that man.
What matters is that YOU were a good woman to your husband and stayed faithful.
The past is the past, you have to let it go because you can't change it, don't allow anyone to steal your joy for life and as I see it, that friend is doing just that, taking your happiness and turning it into bitterness.
You have another chapter of life before you, you go and you live a wonderful new life! I know it's hard but remember that God has your back and wants you to thrive!
So brush the past off your shoulders, pull up those big girl panties and go and do whatever makes you happy.
I love you back Linda
2 people like this
@LooeyVille (29)
• United States
5h
Try to focus on the good years, all the good times. You loved your husband very much. He doesn't have to be perfect or on a pedestal for you to still love him and forgive him.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (71750)
• United States
54m
I’ve seen way too much of that in my family. I would tell you not to beat yourself up over it, and make sure you forgive yourself first for how angry you feel at yourself (not him). Remember, you’re the victim, not the guilty party.
Love ya.
@Juliaacv (52306)
• Canada
6h
You have not lost my friendship.
It is you, not him, that I had put up on a pedestal if you will.
And I still marvel at what great lengths you went to during that final year of his life.
I am very sorry that this has come to true light during your time of grief, my heart goes out to you for that.
Now you grieve for the truth learned as well as for his passing.
As much as this must pain you terribly and hurt, please try not to dwell on it, life is hard enough.
Now you grieve for the truth learned as well as for his passing.
As much as this must pain you terribly and hurt, please try not to dwell on it, life is hard enough.1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (112259)
• Marion, Ohio
2h
Still friends here. No one should be cheated on. I understand you are hurt to now know for sure. But you had many good years with him and I hope you can remember those more over time.
@Marilynda1225 (83868)
• United States
54m
I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with knowing this and how much it must hurt. There's nothing you could tell me about your husband that would make me feel different toward you. Getting this off your chest is helpful for you to heal and move on. We love you Linda and hope you feel this is a safe place to share. No judgements from me.
@arunima25 (89166)
• Bangalore, India
7h
It's not easy to get over such things. I can feel what a turmoil you would have faced and are still facing. Your being overweight doesn't justify his cheating. I am sure that there were things that you didn't like about him and you still stayed loyal in the relationship. So, don't ever let that idea seep in that if you were slim and more gorgeous, he would have not cheated
You are wonderful the way you are
And you have not lost my friendship. I am feeling good that you could at least talk your heart our to us. Friends don't judge, they just give listening ears. Take care
And you have not lost my friendship. I am feeling good that you could at least talk your heart our to us. Friends don't judge, they just give listening ears. Take care1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (41321)
•
1h
I know it took a lot for you to write about this here. No one who is your friend is ever going to judge you or throw away a friendship for something like this. Not ever.
In life there are times when people make foolish choices. Why, we will never know. What hurts is when someone who loves them finds out. But it happened. You can't change what's already happened, all you can do is move forward. No matter what, we never really know why people do the things they do sometimes.
We watched you daily try to help him, advocate for him, and do your very best to supply all of his wants and his medical needs. You wanted him to be better with your entire heart and soul. It was not to be, and that is certainly not your fault.
What he did was wrong, of course. And then not being honest with you when you asked, was not right either. He had a chance to tell you about it and work it all out, and he didn't do that. We've all heard, ''I can forgive, but I can't forget'' which is oh, so true. We can eventually forgive a lot of things, because we need peace in our hearts. But the memory doesn't leave us, ever. It's the best we can do. You said the latter part of your lives together, you were in sync and enjoyed your time with each other. Try to remember those times...push them to the front.
I know your presence here and the friends you have made here are a big part of your life. You can't change what happened, not ever. The past is the past, we don't get a do-over on things, All we can do is accept them. I know it hurts, but you can't fix it. The only thing you can do is to try to make peace with it all in your head, which will take a bit of time. It's OK to feel all the feelings you are going through.
@Beestring (14962)
• Hong Kong
2h
I am so sorry to hear this. Hope you remember the good times and let go of the bad.
@snowy22315 (185876)
• United States
3h
I am sorry it happened, but ruminating about it at this point in time is only going to be hurtful. I really hope you can let it go, and let the past be the past. We all made good and bad choices in our lives, but what's done is done. He stayed with you so obviously he loved you, and didn't want to leave. That's something.
.
@Dreamerby (6907)
• Calcutta, India
3h
We are always here. Just remember, cheating is a choice. He made that choice. There are no excuses to cheating. You being overweight has nothing to do with it. Just like some people are addicted to smoking or drinking, some are addicted to cheating as well.
