3.14% of All Sailors are Pi-Rates

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It is almost Apple Pi Day ((3-14)) here in the Neon Fun Jungle, Radio Rangers. Naturally, I was planning to devote today to an in-depth examination of Johann Lambert (who proved Pi is irrational) and Srinivasa Ramanujan (who worked on fascinating Pi approximations). My plans changed for the usual reason, Drusilla, my Agent. I was forty pages into my assessment of Johann Lambert when she barged in here and shouted, "Put that Pi nonsense that no one cares about on hold! The Gene Hackman mystery has been solved!" That's why Johann and Srinivasa have been shoved aside in favor of Gene Hackman. And Alzheimer's and Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome. Sorry, number theorists and physicists. Because word on the street is that Gene died of a heart attack, with Alzheimer's as a major contributing factor ((Article Linked Below)). The Alzheimer's is also strongly suspected to be the reason he didn't know his wife, Betsy Arakawa, was dead for several days, because she died a few days before he did. She died from hantavirus pulmonary syndrome. I don't know exactly what hantavirus pulmonary syndrome is but near as I can tell, it's just another brand new Trump Disease that's going to kill millions after he bungles the response. We still don't know how their dog died. Dehydration, maybe? Gene and Betsy were dead for around 15 days before they were found, so if the dog ran out of water, it could easily be the answer. ************* CBS News Gene Hackman, wife's cause of death announced by New Mexico officials Story by Alex Sundby • 17h • 4 min read