Mission In France (Mylot Exclusive #1889)

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Lately, many people have been coming to me and saying, "Sir, I'm planning a trip to France and I'd like you to come with me. Can you go pack? I want to leave right now. Oh, and bring a shovel." I always say, "Aldo, why are you in such a big hurry to go to France? Don't forget, you're 126 now. Do you remember what happened the last time we went? Before even getting out of the airport, just going through Customs tired you out so much, you had to sleep for three whole days afterward." "You don't have to tell me how old I am, Sir. I know it quite well. And I don't want to nitpick, but I won't be 126 until November. I know it's gonna tire me out but I have to go again. Just one last time cause I have a new mission. Furthermore, I was only 45 in 1944 and that's what I remember most." "OK, Aldo, just what is your new mission? And what's the big hurry?" "Well, Sir, I suppose you see what's going on. Things like this, "Trump plan to eliminate 80,000 VA jobs is a betrayal of veterans | Opinion," ((Article Linked Below)). And this, "Trump's VA is ending a rescue program that's saved 17,000 military veterans' homes," ((Article Linked Below)). And many others. MAGA Ain't Got No Humanity! Down With Trump! Someone's gotta do something about it! And that someone is me! And, hopefully, you." "OK, Aldo, I see your point but can you put some finer brush strokes on your plan so I can understand it a little better?" "Well, Sir, I don't know if I've ever told you before, but I was never in the prisoner-takin' business. I was in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, business was a-boomin." "You have mentioned that before, Aldo, and, as usual, I have to point out that we aren't cousins. I'd be mighty proud if we were but we aren't. And what does you killing Nazis in 1944 have to do with MAGA and Trump? You do remember that after what happened in Cuba, the Chief said I couldn't be involved in any future assassination attempts, don't you? He was very clear and quite vocal about it. So if that's what you have in mind, I can't be a part of it." "Will you relax, Sir? I ain't planning on hurting no one that hasn't already been dead for over 70 years." "You're still painting in broad strokes, Aldo. Give me more details." "Sir, I'll make it so simple even a Republican could understand it. We are going to go to France and dig up a bunch of the Nazis I killed and then do the same in Belgium, The Netherlands and Germany, then bring them back here and decorate the White House and Plastered Pete Hegseth's house with them. I reckon if they have to live with dead soldiers for a while, the way we did from 1944 to 1945, they'll start respecting us again and stop all the Anti-Vet horse spit they've been shoving down our throats. I just hope there's more left of them dead Nazis than dust and bones. I want the White House to smell like the Trump Tower." He didn't exactly say "horse spit" but the phrasing he did use is simply not allowed here, so we changed it. I considered the implications for a minute and said, "Well, the Chief never said I can't be involved in grave robbing, illegal entry, trespassing, littering and vandalism, so I'm in!" He grinned and said, "I knew you'd say that, Sir. And don't worry about any possible negative repercussions. I've been chewed out before. And so have you. This is gonna be fun!" Then he called for Amanda Earhart, my favorite Upstairs Pilot and Chief Executive Vice President in Charge Of Mile High Club Affairs. "Mandy!!!! Get down here, NOW!!!!" Amanda waltzed into the room and said, "Hello, Aldo, I didn't know you were here. You rang for me? What can I do for you?" "I need you to get the Gulfstream G550 ready and file a flight plan for Paris. We are on a mission from God, and we got to get moving, so get that pretty little caboose of yours in gear!" She rolled her eyes and said, "And what if I keep my pretty little caboose in neutral, Lieutenant, until I'M ready to shift gears?" What are you going to do about it? Are you going to take me out to the woodshed again?" "No chance, young lady. The last time I did that, you enjoyed it way too much." She frowned and said, "I never get to have any fun but I can see that this, whatever this trip is, is important to you, so I can have us in Paris in about 11 hours. Give me forty-five minutes and then come out to the airport." "Can't you do it any faster than that?" He asked. She shook her head. "Sorry, but things like refueling and paperwork take time. So, if you don't want us to run out of gas somewhere over Greenland while being chased by angry F-15s from the US and CF-105s from Canada, you'll just be patient and let me take care of all the necessary details." Aldo admitted that he would rather not be shot down over Greenland, so Amanda rushed off to the airport to do her thing, and we waited. Soon enough, we were also at the airport and on the plane. Aldo did a quick inventory and reported, "It's 4,381 miles to Paris, we got a full tank of gas, six cartons of cigarettes, four cases of perfectly chilled Heineken, eight stewardesses, three cases of condoms, three shovels, we're wearing sunglasses and it'll be dark in four hours. Is this starting to sound familiar?" "Yeah. It's just like your bachelor's party. Except that time, we went to Tokyo. Our hotel mysteriously burned down, and Harry Truman accused us of trying to restart World War II." "Yep. That was a good time. But I think we can do better this time. I think this just might be my masterpiece." ************* Trump plan to eliminate 80,000 VA jobs is a betrayal of veterans | Opinion Rita MaxwellGuest Columnist --------------------------------- Investigations Trump's VA is ending a rescue program that's saved 17,000 military veterans' homes April 3, 202511:08 PM ET Heard on All Things Considered By Chris Arnold, Quil Lawrence https://www.npr.org/2025/04/03/nx-s1-5351768/trumps-va-is-ending-a-rescue-program-thats-saved-17-000-military-veterans-homes