I think my student is depressed. I want to help her, but don't know how.
By The Horse
@TheHorse (225647)
Walnut Creek, California
April 24, 2025 11:08am CST
In a previous post, I mentioned a student with whom I have been having "jazz jams." I can tell she really enjoys them.
She already has Fur Elise, Bach's Minuet in G, and Carol of the Bells down. I decided to teach her how to do seventh chords with her left hand and "improvise" over those chords with her right hand. I can tell that's her favorite thing to do right now.
She is a Latina girl with buck teeth and glasses. She walks pigeon-toed. I think she is about eleven. Were I a mean 5th Grader, I would say she is a bit "nerdy." But she "gets" music in a way many people do not.
Over her last few lessons, she has hunched over the piano with her hair covering her face. When I ask her "What do you want to work on today?" she shrugs her shoulders and remains in her slouch.
When I say, "Let's do Bach's Minuet in G, she plays it fine," but a bit too fast, as if she is impatient with it. After a few scales, and perhaps Beethoven's Fur Elise, I'll say "Let's do our jazz improvisation with seventh chords." That's when she lights up.
We do it together, trading off the chords and the "leads." We are basically "having a conversation" through music.
Finally, yesterday (before our ritual jazz jam), I asked her, "How come you look so sad?" She shrugged her shoulders. Then she said, "I just don't know what I want to play."
Is she being picked on at school? Yelled at by her dad? I have no clue. It's not my place to do anything beyond teach her music.
But I want her to be happy and take pride in her accomplishments.
What would yo do if you were in my shoes? .
13 people like this
13 responses
@moffittjc (123813)
• Gainesville, Florida
15h
Maybe you can throw out a few innocent open-ended questions and see if she'll respond or open up a little bit. Sometimes, you have to take baby steps to get people to open up. And many times, a level of trust has to be established before people will open up more. I guess I would suggest not to pry too much, but maybe ask a few questions here or there, without pushing too hard.
4 people like this
@MarieCoyle (42995)
•
15h
You are a caring teacher who wants her to be happy, but yes, you are limited as to what you can do, or ask. Can you have her tell you all of her favorite things to play? Maybe ask her, what songs make you really happy? Do you play your music at home? If you could pick a favorite, what would it be? This would be difficult, trying to help a child who is withdrawn for any reason just isn't easy.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (225647)
• Walnut Creek, California
11h
@MarieCoyle I hope they keep playing music when I am gone.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (42995)
•
12h
@TheHorse
I think you will no doubt figure it out and do everything you can do in a subtle way. Your students are very fortunate to have such a caring teacher.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (77106)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
14h
I would see if you could get her to talk to you. Start with her favorite thing for the start of the lesson as a way to break the ice. I don't know if you're a manditory reporter, but never the less if you suspect something you can speak out where she can't. She maybe your student, but you owe it to her to find out what's wrong. It could save her life.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (77106)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
13h
@TheHorse I thought as much. Still. I stand by what I said. It might help if you can get her to talk to you.
@TheHorse (225647)
• Walnut Creek, California
11h
@kaylachan I will allow that vacuum to occur. Less talk. More listening. That's kind of my mantra.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (146194)
• United States
13h
Does she close down again when you guys get done playing and having fun? Have you tried playing and having fun first and then move into the lessons you want to cover that day?
Do you talk with her like you do the other people you teach? Sometimes a kid just wants somebody to talk with about nothing...
I hope everything at home and school are going well for her...
I know it's not your "job" to talk with her but... she can't stay sad, pony. Kids just aren't normally sad all the time.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (146194)
• United States
13h
@TheHorse Quiet as in withdrawn or quiet as in thinking about the lesson she just had?
1 person likes this
@rakski (135584)
• Philippines
6h
You’re doing far more than just teaching her music, you’re giving her a space to be, to express, to connect in a language that clearly speaks to her soul when words won’t come.
She may not be ready or able to talk about it. But the joy of discovery, of freedom within structure, of being heard without pressure through music is a healing in its own way.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (173446)
• Boise, Idaho
9h
Maybe she is at a crossroads and is unsure what type of music she wants to play. If she is depressed, coming from someone who has suffered from it most of my life, I find that humor helps a lot.
@FourWalls (73881)
• United States
12h
You say she prefers the jazz? Use that. Ask her why she prefers it (and, subtly, if she feels pressured to do things she doesn’t like, like Bach or Beethoven).
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (84188)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
12h
That is an interesting question what might be the matter, Well, perhaps you could somehow ask her why she seems so sad or some round about way. She just might need to get a load off.
1 person likes this
@LooeyVille (37)
• United States
11h
You're the psychologist. What do you think you should do?
1 person likes this
@Ineeddentures (156)
•
15h
I have no idea.
But I would most likely go and put my big foot in it and make matters worse.
Sorry I can't be more help.
1 person likes this
