I'm Getting Nervous Now
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (173708)
Boise, Idaho
April 27, 2025 4:48pm CST
So the end of April is coming fast. I hope we all enjoyed some nice weather. I still haven't had any good storms here yet. I'm a bit disappointed and even weirded out. Usually by this time, we've had several. Weird.
So, anyway. Moving into May, I have an appointment on May 2nd for an in-home visit from a nurse practitioner to do an exam. It has to do with my insurance.. That should be fun. I so love having people come here. NOT! The place is so run down that it really needs a facelift. But, so be it. 
Then on May 7 & 8, and then again on May 14 and 15, the floor gang will be here to put down vinyl flooring upstairs. I am a bit nervous because the moving of our stuff from three bedrooms, which will mostly be done by my grandson with the help of my daughter. We have some heavy furniture and I just worry that they might hurt themselves. Some have to go downstairs, and some will be stuffed into the smaller bedroom while the two big bedrooms are done. Ugh! I am of no help. I can't carry anything or stand for very long. I don't walk well either. So they are making me a place in the living room downstairs for a couple of days until my room is done. Oh Joy!
Then we will be paying on this for 18 months. Until December of 2027, I guess. I hope we come into some extra money and can get it paid off sooner. I hate having bills looming. But I think it was nice of Housing to offer us this option. We had been wondering what they would decide to do about the hole in the rug in the doorway of my daughter's bedroom, caused by the cats. ( Or two in particular that is.)
They had put in new carpeting just two years ago, which is what is damaged now. So, putting in the vinyl flooring( I wish they had thought of doing it before) is the option they came up with. But, they would expect us to pay for it since the carpet was only in for two years and has been damaged beyond repair. I think it is nice of them since they know we are here to stay anyway. We have no relatives or savings to get us into any other housing.
I hate having stuff looming on the calendar. Always have anxiety about people coming in and how they will perceive us. We are a motley crew to be sure. So, that is what I have going on. Then I hope for some relaxation, but we will, at some point, have the inspections. Three of those every summer. I am always trauma ridden with those. I always worry that the kids won't do a good enough job in some area, and we will not pass. 
What in the world would I do if I didn't have something to worry about? I'd just worry I suppose. 
Then on May 7 & 8, and then again on May 14 and 15, the floor gang will be here to put down vinyl flooring upstairs. I am a bit nervous because the moving of our stuff from three bedrooms, which will mostly be done by my grandson with the help of my daughter. We have some heavy furniture and I just worry that they might hurt themselves. Some have to go downstairs, and some will be stuffed into the smaller bedroom while the two big bedrooms are done. Ugh! I am of no help. I can't carry anything or stand for very long. I don't walk well either. So they are making me a place in the living room downstairs for a couple of days until my room is done. Oh Joy!
Then we will be paying on this for 18 months. Until December of 2027, I guess. I hope we come into some extra money and can get it paid off sooner. I hate having bills looming. But I think it was nice of Housing to offer us this option. We had been wondering what they would decide to do about the hole in the rug in the doorway of my daughter's bedroom, caused by the cats. ( Or two in particular that is.) They had put in new carpeting just two years ago, which is what is damaged now. So, putting in the vinyl flooring( I wish they had thought of doing it before) is the option they came up with. But, they would expect us to pay for it since the carpet was only in for two years and has been damaged beyond repair. I think it is nice of them since they know we are here to stay anyway. We have no relatives or savings to get us into any other housing.
I hate having stuff looming on the calendar. Always have anxiety about people coming in and how they will perceive us. We are a motley crew to be sure. So, that is what I have going on. Then I hope for some relaxation, but we will, at some point, have the inspections. Three of those every summer. I am always trauma ridden with those. I always worry that the kids won't do a good enough job in some area, and we will not pass.
What in the world would I do if I didn't have something to worry about? I'd just worry I suppose. 7 people like this
7 responses
@kaylachan (77269)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
27 Apr
What's worse? Having to leave the house, or having someone come in? Telehealth has made medicine a lot easier, but some things still need to be done face-to-face. So instead of having anxiety over someone coming to the house, ask yourself, what's worse? Having someone come over, or heaven forbid you get in a ride share and go out in public? Because, that's an option, too.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (173708)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Apr
They are both about the same. It's easy for those who don't have anxiety or depression to tell those who do how this or that is a good idea, or an option. It is hard to see it from the suffer's perspective, I think.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (77269)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
28 Apr
@celticeagle It can be. But, sometimes you still have to pick the lesser of two evils. I deal with depression and anxiety. I understand how it feels to push past your anxiety to get done. One of my biggest triggers is the phone. But, when I have to, I can use my phone as a phone. I still try text message, e-mail, or some other form of communication, before I actually call someone on the phone. But, I will use my phone if I have to. I'm always weighing my options when faced with a trigger. And, truth be told, anyone facing a disorder has to do it, too. We're all always being pushed out of our comfort zone, but reality is rarely that kind. Sometimes you just need to flip the script and think of things in a different way.
Yes, you'll be judged by those who come view you in your element. Yes, as part of the medical part of the visit, you will be asked questions you won'twant to answer because it makes you uncomfortable and doesn't paint you in the best light. If you go into it, knowing it, then you can accept it. You have to become comfortable with how you live. When you control the naritive, to the best of your ability, the less scarry it becomes. Anxiety, in and of itself is often an irrational fear of something that's not really a threat. So, instead of saying 'I'm afraid of being judged. Just ask yourself, can you accept it? Can you be okay with it?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (173708)
• Boise, Idaho
7h
@kaylachan .......Yes, dear. You speak the truth. I have to calm myself when I feel the anxiety come up. Then I can think more rationally. It's a process. I'm doing better, but after a bad bout of PTSD after finally getting away from my ex, it's been a long road to being able to strengthen myself and find ways to combat the anxiety. I'm very sensitive to it.
I have that judgment thing too, due to teeth and weight. It's such fun. NOT!
Thanks for your input. I always like to read your responses.
1 person likes this
@Ineeddentures (605)
•
27 Apr
You sure do have a lot going on and a lot coming up.
It's a shame you haven't had any good storms
We had quite a dry winter with no floods and that was weird.
People visiting isn't a thing we relish either.
I'm sure your grandson and your daughter will be fine moving furniture.
All be worth it with a nice new floor.
Paying for it for 18 months isnt ideal as I know what you mean about not liking bills looming. I hope you do get some extra money
Good luck with it all., don't worry.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (173708)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Apr
Yeah, darn it on the storms. I enjoy them so. Thanks for your good wishes and input.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (94260)
• Arvada, Colorado
28 Apr
I feel for you..this would drive me batty..like you, I am not well enough to handle all that. Not at all. I am not sure how we are going to get out of this place..I am nauseated every day from my nerves.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (173708)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Apr
I know how that is. You might check with nearby churches. I got two guys to help us move through Craigslist.(Iknow but I was desperate.) And they wouldn't take much money for what they did.
@RasmaSandra (84357)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
27 Apr
Best of luck to you with all that. Shall I say it? Don't worry be happy. As far as I am concerned you are ahead of the game. You have a daughter and grandson and pets, I have nothing but me myself and I at the moment,
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (173708)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Apr
I'm sorry that it's your situation. I enjoy time to myself, but I would not care for time without anyone. I am used to having my daughter and grandson here with me and feel very fortunate to have them both.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (84357)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
28 Apr
@celticeagle so let's see how I am doing some years down the road now
@celticeagle (173708)
• Boise, Idaho
7h
Yes. I feel bad for my grandson. He's tall but not really strong.
