Im a singe mommy with a wonderfull 6 year old son, This is my story and i want..
By Lxandra79
@Lxandra79 (1535)
United States
December 2, 2006 4:39pm CST
feedback and what i can do. I got pregnant i didnt plan on it but when I did my baby daddy wanted me to get an abortion of course i didnt want that so i said no, So he left me and my son, he didnt want nothing to do with me. I put him on child support but only for $175 a month which sucks cuz thats tooo little. Anyways, he has been giving us child support money like twice or once a year since i put him on it since my baby was 1 year old, recent like last week he called and wants to be bak into my sons life again but im afraid that when my son gets to attached to him again he is gonna gone again like he did twice already. Let me tell u about that...the first time he begged me to see him again he promised and promised and cried, but after that day i never heard from him again for 2 years, after that he did the same thing and fled again!!...I dont know if to believe him this time, he says to believe him but I f*cking doubut it!! He said for this christmas he is goin to buy my son a Nintendo wii but i dont believe him because he didnt buy my son nothing for christmas last year.
Should I believe him or what??
Give him another chance to be with my son or not??
*I am defenitely not gonna be with him again I got my own life with my Boyfriend.*
17 people like this
91 responses
@mirage108 (3402)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I am a dad and I hate deadbeat dads, have you gone to court for support? if not i would. If you have I would report him for not paying the support. and requesting back child support.
4 people like this
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
3 Dec 06
This is VA and VA dont do shyt for child support, i mean the child support that they give out here is a measley $175.
3 people like this
@ljmc24 (413)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Your in Virginia? They are actually pretty strict on their child support. We pay over 500 so I know this for a fact. Depends on what county you are in, but I know they all have legal aid offices and you can print the forms online and fill them out to get a new case for show cause that he has not been paying. You will need to know the exact amount he owes and they will throw him in jail. Also you can ask them to set up a visitation schedule and if he doesn't show up he loses his rights to visitation.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
•
2 Dec 06
Don't believe him you know he's a liar and it would be better for your son not to know his father at all than to have him popping in and out of his life and disrupting the stability you are trying to give him.
4 people like this
@cajunmomma (624)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I say don't let him. If you really feel like letting him back in then go through the courts. I know you probably wouldnt want that. He is just going to do it all again. Make him prove to you that he is going to be there and not run.
3 people like this
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
3 Dec 06
But See I dont have money to go to court, Im pretty much poor.
2 people like this
@linns31 (213)
• United States
3 Dec 06
All you have to do is take him to court and give him supervized visits and if he can uphold those then go from there, as for court costs there are papers you can get from the court to waive court fees based on your income. Call your local friend of the court office and ask them or call your local Legal Aid office they are also based on your income. I don't know your situation but my 3 year old's dad hads a new girlfriend and suddenly he wanted back in my sons life after not hearing a peep out of him (or any child support) for 2 years. Come to find out he was going to kidnap my son and take off with the new girlfriend. Watch your back is all I have to say and make sure you have legal papers so if that happens they can charge him with parental kidnapping!!!
@cloud_kicker_32 (4635)
• United States
3 Dec 06
ohh this just fries my as$!! Me persoanlly my son is 4 and hes never ever seen or heard his father,hes been denied from conception ..which is fine by me but is killin my son..but in your situation with him coming and going..first off..raise the money that rediculous..thats maybe food for a month..but what about shelter,clothing.utilites..everything,,number 2..ya cant really keep him away from your child or your child wont underdstand u did it for theer benefit..and end up hating u..what i would do..is let him come over,,,and only a couple hours a time..dont tell the child hes the father untill you know for sure he is sticking around..but let them bond..tell the father that its for his childs own good cause u are afraid hell leave again..u dont want to break that childs heart..i know it would kill me,im not sure how many times hes sees his dad? or does he know him? or u can just ask your son what he wants..and WARN HIM..dont get too close he might leave again.,.soemthing..some kind of warning? good luck.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Yes, I definitely agree with allowing supervised visit for a few hours at your own house. Don't let him take him anywhere because you need to see how your son is reacting to this man. If your son does not know this is his father, don't tell him just yet. Let him get to know the guy and then tell him when he's a bit older or starts asking. Unless the guy really is making an effort then by all means let your son know the truth.
Good Luck!
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
3 Dec 06
He knows its his dad, he calls him 'dad' already he has known since the first time he came over 4 years ago. And he wont hate me cuz it not really my fault if he wants to runaway from his child everytime. My son understands, he's not dumb, even tho he is only 6, he tells me that its OK, that he's got me.
@sabrinam (1203)
• United States
3 Dec 06
A six year old doesn't need a nintendo yet. that baby needs to develop a love of the outdoors first. Then get a game system for him. don't buy the crap, tell him if he wants to show that he's interested in the well being of ya'lls child, he needs to pay the **court ordered** child support to show he cares and that will be a good start to prove his intentions.
1 person likes this
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
3 Dec 06
my son has been playing with video games since he was 2, but thats only in the weekends never in weekdays thats homework time, baby daddy wants to buy him that he asked me permission and i said yes, my son does really good in school so thats his reward. And right now its too cold to go outside and play. Plus I want the Wii 2, if i had money i woulda bought it myself.
@bubble353 (3)
• Ireland
3 Dec 06
Fair enough he has lied in the past and hasnt kept up payments but he is his biological dad so doesnt he deserve to be given another chance? people can change and it woud be nice to give him one last chance while your son is still young. if he lets u down this time then forget bout him and when your son is older he can decide if he wants to try to get to know his dad or not after you have explained everything to him. but seeing as your son is too young at the moment i think for his sake give him one last chance
1 person likes this
@loopie (123)
• United States
3 Dec 06
you think so? well younger children are the most impressionable and when daddy steps in and steps out just as quickly a younger child is more prone to develope mental health issues as a result of it that carries into their teener years and well into adulthood. I think you should rethink your comment there.
Anyone can make babies, Not everyone can make a parant.
And this goes for this boys father. If he can't live up to his role in the beginning he's never going to live up to it. All he is going to do is cause a series of psychological problems that would end up costing her more money in therapy for the child. I say if you have a new boyfriend, and if he loves your child as much as he loves you. If you ever marry discuss him adopting your son as his own.
2 people like this
@vipul20044 (5793)
• India
3 Dec 06
Leave the laws and court aside, as they will do no good.
Just remember one thing
How can you trust someone so unfaithful, SOmeone so unpredictable, who never kept his promise before so how do you expect him to do that again
And siriously if you have a bf, who is well compatible with you and your son its better for you to be togather leaving that guy
You are right if your son gets attached to him, its gonna be a real hard time for you.
So its better to let him stay away from your child
1 person likes this
@prashanth_vv (848)
• India
3 Dec 06
don't even believe him.had i been in yourplace i would kicked him out the first time and i wouldn't have taken a dime.i would have worked and earned for my kids.that's what my mom does.
1 person likes this
@homealotmom (235)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Forget that, take his dimes,pennys,dollars. It is not about you taking the money, it is about your son getting the money. My hubby tried the same thing, and the state got him, and still gets him for 670$ per month, although I have two boys. But you should let him see his kid , just be around.
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
3 Dec 06
I do not think you should take this easy and i can see that u are not. all kids deserves a mom and a dad but sometimes it is just not possible.
Maybe u can tell him (the dad) that before he can get involved in your sons life again he has to prove himself and prove that he is serious.. maybe start with x-mas.
It could be that the guy actually matured and realised that he has been an idiot, but it can also be a trick from his side.
You know him better than anyone and only you can feel what is right for u.
have a lovely x-mas with your son :-)
@SONALIKA (573)
• India
3 Dec 06
i don't understand why r u giving so much importance to him when he is not worth it.u have a son,a job,a b/frnd then why does he matter u so much.let him meet ur son b'coz he is biological father,but as ur son is young,treat that man as family frnd whenever he visits.let him meet ur son only in ur presence so that he can't corrupt the child's mind agaist u.lead ur normal life n don't expect anything frm him.don't waste ur precious time by worrying about him,cocentrate on ur son n future life with ur b/frnd. hope thus would help!!!!!!!
1 person likes this
@Lxandra79 (1535)
• United States
3 Dec 06
i dont understand what ur trying to say here, cuz first ur saying that u dont understand why im giving so much importance and he is not worth it, but then your saying, to let him meet my son?? let him meet my son?? then u say 'dont waste my precious time by worrying about him to concentrate on my son....OK which one is it...make up your mind!
First think what ur gonna say then write it ok.
@shirgie (230)
• United States
3 Dec 06
If he wanted you to have an abortion, didn't want anything to do with either of you, doesn't pay the extremely low child support, and has already come and gone from the babies life twice, why would you think this time would be any different? If he really has changed, there will be signs. Your child support will be there for one. You wouldn't necessarily have to say no for ever. If things change in the future, you could allow him visitation. I wish you the best for you and your child in the future. I am so glad that you want to do the very best thing for your child. There aren't any easy answers. All you can do is weigh the evidence and then do what you think is best.
@marriedman111399 (1207)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I dont think that you should give him a chance. He has let both you and your son down before and I believe he will do it again. I know that where I live there are place he can go and there can be supervised visits. You might look into that and see how your son reacts and how your sons dad does.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
3 Dec 06
Personally I would not I think you have given plenty of chances there and he has not taken them he has just hurt you and your Son all the time
But you have to decide that
If you are happy with your Boyfriend then he is Number 1 and so is your Son
Have you asked your Son if he wants contact with his Dad as he has a say to he might only be 6 but they are not stupid
I would ask your Son and see what he says
If he does do not deny it to him but keep a very close eye on things and make it plain to the Dad that he will only have contact with the Son you want nothing to do with him anymore
Good Luck to you and I hope this helps a bit
@loopie (123)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I'd check to see if in your area is a government CHILD AND YOUTH SERVICES. You can set up supervised child visitations thru them for free, their pyschologists will supervise and if they feel that your ex is causing a problem with your child's wellbeing they will set you up with a free attorney (one that works non-profit) to help you get full custody and Attorney General will enforce the child support.
1 person likes this
@cachitodemialma (1313)
• United States
3 Dec 06
say you dont let him near your son and your son later grows up to ask you why you never allowed his father to come around? what will you say then? What if he resents you for it? I think you should let him come around to see his son and do your best to explain to your son who he is and give your son the chance to say yes I want to see him or not. You dont want you child to blame you ever. Even if it is in his best interest. Sometimes it can backfire on you. You want todo whats best for him I know I have 4 of my own. I also know what its like to grow up without a father in your life. Its not easy.
1 person likes this
@BrazilianLinda (220)
• Brazil
3 Dec 06
I think you should test him! First you should sit down with him , without your son, and talk to him. Write down everything you want to say first so you know what to say and don't get lost.
He has to listen! tell him that first of all he has to start paying what he should. What he gives you now isn't enough.
If he says, yes i'll pay.. blabalbla... you have another condition first Tell him he has to pay for 3 months or more and then you will see how everything's going.
It's important also to talk to your son, what does he know about his father. he's 6now so he understand a lot. it's important you talk to him about whats happening and ask him what he thinks.
Good Luck and have a nice x-mas!
