I don't want to have children!
By sassyces
@sassyces (1602)
Philippines
December 2, 2006 8:40pm CST
A friend of mine (a girl) told me that she doesn't want to have children because she doesn't want to get pregnant and go through the painful process of childbirth. At first I was shocked by her reason ( I mean, can't she have reasons other than that?!), but at the end, I just didn't argue with her coz I know I'll be in at the losing end coz afterall, it is her body and she has the right to choose whatever things that she thinks is the most advantageous to her part.
6 people like this
83 responses
@Daffs06 (300)
• Indonesia
4 Dec 06
I think your friend will change her desicion in the future. She's now only not ready to have a child. As we now that getting pregnant is the nature of the women. She will forget about all the pain during pregnant and delivery after she have and see a cute little creature. so tell her don't be afraid to get pregnant and have a child.
@Desdemona (1301)
• Canada
3 Dec 06
So, not having children out of fear of pain..hmmmz...all I can say is Adoption!
Lots of kids need a home in this world.
@vickilee (136)
• United States
6 Dec 06
Her comments about adoption are interesting. It sounds like she simply does not want children, and is using the pain as a reason to justify it. Thing is, she doesn't need a reason, and she doesn't have to justify not wanting kids. It is a personal choice.
However, I do think 20 is pretty young to know for sure. She may change her mind later, and if she doesn't, that's okay.
I think sometimes women who do not want kids feel a need to justify it, as if they need a reason. Probably because so many other women seem to object to that, as though there must be something wrong with her if she doesn't want to be a mother.
Maybe she just needs to hear that it is okay to not want to be a mother.
@sassyces (1602)
• Philippines
3 Dec 06
I asked her regarding adoption but she has no interest in such. She even told me that even your own children will/can turn their backs on you when you need them, how much more with someone who's not even related with you. So obviously, she'll never adopt.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
3 Dec 06
How old is this friend of yours? Is she in a relationship? She may be too young to really know what she is saying at this point. I know many women who stated they would never have children for one reason or another. Most of them had children at some point in time. Life happens fast and what is right for the moment may change in the future.
@misskatonic (3723)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I've actually had the opposite experience! Every woman I've known who's said she doesn't want kids has never had any, and the women who said they would when they were younger changed their minds and didn't either!
@sassyces (1602)
• Philippines
3 Dec 06
She's 20. I know what you mean that maybe her decision of not wanting children is just for now but in the future she may change her mind, but she has actually told me about this last year but when we had a talk just recently, she then again told me that no matter what happens in the future, she'll never change her mind. I think this is also the very reason why she doesn't even dream of getting married because she knows very well that since guys would want to have even at least 1 kid, and she can't give it, then the relationship just wouldn't work?!
@Kaorin (756)
• Australia
5 Dec 06
Personally, it's really not your place to hope she will change her mind, or try and convincer her otherwise. Ultimately it is her body, her decision, and you should respect that. Women are not simply tools of reproduction. We don't have to have a baby to feel complete, or feel like we're contributing to life. Having a baby might be the greatest part of life to you, or someone else, but not to everyone.
I congratulate her on her choice, however it goes, and I think you should respect her greatly, whether or not you agree with her choice.
@misskatonic (3723)
• United States
10 Dec 06
This is a wonderful response. Especially after reading so many responses going on about how a woman isn't a woman unless she has a baby, and that women are meant to have children and not having kids is an offense to women everywhere and in order to be 'complete' all women must have children.
I'm sick of being told there's something wrong with me for not having children.
@udayhase (173)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Being male, I know I face a lot of criticism for any opinion I might give about this, but I still want to say that I think that life isn't quite complete until you have a legacy of your life on this planet, a child. Although it may be painful, and sometimes pregnancy and birth can take your life, I think that it's the greatest thing a human being can do, have children.
@maya_n_bennett (4687)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I think it her choice and she have a right not to have children if she dont want to. Also, I had lot of pain after the c-section when I had my daughter, I didnt regret having a child. Pain will go away soon. I cant wait to be a mom again in future. Giving birth is one of the most rewarding thing for me so it strange for me to hear women who dont want children, but that just me.
@chalmette69 (3007)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I would have to agree with you, I mean it may be painful, but look what you have after it is all over, I can't believe she is saying it just because of the pain.
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
3 Dec 06
How old is your friend? Because when i was a bit younger, most of my friends said they didn't want kids, for the fear of the labor pains. Now today, they are all mommies, to more than 1! I, the only one who never ever said i didnt want kids, am the only left not being a parent. She'll probably come around when the right time in her life comes.
@ssgucluck (107)
• India
4 Dec 06
well different people have different kinda priority, if she says she is scared of becoming mother, she has her own reason, but personally i feel , things will definetly change!! ones point of view never says same, the joy of becoming a mother is something unique!!
@lilmissy (481)
• United States
3 Dec 06
she could always adopt a child , plenty need good homes and she wouldnt have to have a pregnancy or labour, i know a couple where the wife didnt want to have biological children because she has allergies and is overweight and she adopted a child from asia , funny thing is with her cooking she turned her lil asian baby into a biggggggg big boy lol
@keminem001 (779)
• Saint Lucia
3 Dec 06
i would definately disagree with her. what if her parents felt that way before they made her? i mean since you were given a chance o be on this earth why not give another human being a chance? you should think about it but you choice is yours. i cannot make decisions for you or her.
@vivcruise (4)
• India
3 Dec 06
wht if her mother thought about her the same way i mean the reasons which shes giving is absolutely absurd there's no way we can reason with her only time will tell her what she w'ld loose
@marmalaide (470)
•
4 Dec 06
I think it's totally up to her whether or not to have children, though I have to say her reasons are not great. If she's that totally freaked out by childbirth I'm sure they would let her have an elective caesarian. OK that's not a great option because it's a major operation and leaves scars, but it's something to consider. I generally think being pregnant would be a real drag because of the weight gain and the nausea, but if I really wanted a baby I'd be willing to go through it. If she doesn't want a baby enough to disregard the inconvenience of pregnancy and childbirth then she shouldn't have a baby at all!
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
3 Dec 06
yep. right. it's her body and it's her decision. so just respect her opinion. just be supportive to your friend.
