Do you ever think about the one that got away???
By jediwa72
@jediwa72 (204)
United States
December 3, 2006 3:45am CST
Let me begin by saying, I love my husband...but he cheated on me this past year...I decided to stay with him but I can't help but wondering about the opportunities I had before we got married to date other guys. One guy in particular...I worked with him while I was dating my now husband...I really liked the guy and he liked me too....but I just never did anything about it. I'm not exactly happy right now...we have moved 2000 miles away in the past year and I miss my family and my friends. Also, we are down to one vehicle right now so I am stuck at home all the time. Does anyone else ever ponder on what could have been? What should I do? I can't believe I'm even thinking this way. My husband is really nice to me and spoils me pretty good...so he isn't bad...he screwed up! but he isn't bad. We have kids together for goodness sakes! My family doesn't know...I told no one when he cheated...his family knows but that is it. How do I get past this and move on!?
2 people like this
7 responses
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Sweetie I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you. If you really want it to work because you love him - not because of the kids. Then you'll have to work past it a little at a time. It'll be hard for a while but as long as he's not doing it again and you're sure of it and you can handle it then stick to it. But please don't stay for the kids if you're unhappy. Children should not grow up thinking that it's ever okay to be unhappy or to be treated with anything but respect. As a product of a broken home - I was thankful when my parents finally split. They were both miserable and made me and my sister miserable too. If you do deciede to split make sure you but the kids in therphy. My sister had a harder time with my parents divorce because she was younger than me. You need to be happy becuase your babies will not it if your not. No matter how hard you try to hide it. Sending you my love.
@jediwa72 (204)
• United States
3 Dec 06
My dad cheated on my mom when I was little and this is why they divorced too. I was eleven. It was really hard to deal with but I knew the reasoning. My mom gave my dad the opportunity to work it out but he wouldn't confess to cheating....about a month later the other woman announced she was pregnant! Luckily, my situation wasn't quite as crazy...he told me he wasn't in love with me at one point while he was cheating...I later just flat out aked him if he was and actually named the girl.....I just knew. He admitted to kissing her and then about a week later the rest. He seemed really remorseful and I don't think for a minute that he would ever cheat again....we were going through a rough time then...not that this excuses anything. He promised that in moving out here that he was going to make me happy...that I would have a vehicle and we'd have more time together....but I don't have a vehicle and he is never home...but yet he never gets all his work done either. He doesn't know anyone other than his family out here so he spends a lot of time with them. He knows I'm not happy...I've told him...we'll see.
@jediwa72 (204)
• United States
3 Dec 06
My dad cheated on my mom when I was little and this is why they divorced too. I was eleven. It was really hard to deal with but I knew the reasoning. My mom gave my dad the opportunity to work it out but he wouldn't confess to cheating....about a month later the other woman announced she was pregnant! Luckily, my situation wasn't quite as crazy...he told me he wasn't in love with me at one point while he was cheating...I later just flat out aked him if he was and actually named the girl.....I just knew. He admitted to kissing her and then about a week later the rest. He seemed really remorseful and I don't think for a minute that he would ever cheat again....we were going through a rough time then...not that this excuses anything. He promised that in moving out here that he was going to make me happy...that I would have a vehicle and we'd have more time together....but I don't have a vehicle and he is never home...but yet he never gets all his work done either. He doesn't know anyone other than his family out here so he spends a lot of time with them. He knows I'm not happy...I've told him...we'll see.
@SoulEraser (496)
• Singapore
3 Dec 06
sigh, regrets. you shouldn't pay him back with another mistake. liking another guy when you have another partner might be common but it's the ability to resist the temptation that counts.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Sorry but thats just stupid. My parents tried that and it didn't work. It never does. Treat others as you would want to be treated! Goodness! She'll just end up hating herself for hurting the person she loves!!!!
@jediwa72 (204)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Well, thanks for the advice but I wouldn't cheat on my husband and I don't like anyone else....I don't even know anyone else. My husband didn't resist the temptation....and I have no temtation. The discussion is just more pondering on if I could have prevented it by taking a different path. I do love my husband. I am struggling more with day to day issues now. I miss my family, I miss leaving the house more than one time a week, I miss taking my kids to McDonalds. I'm stuck....2000 miles away from any friends or family....in a house that has blow up mattresses! I can't enjoy living here...I can't even attempt enjoying it....not unless I can get all my kicks from cleaning house and cooking.
@Meljep (1666)
• United States
4 Dec 06
You can't change what has happened. Time does heal some of the hurt, but it may never completely go away. It's normal to wonder if someone else might not have hurt you this way, but you have to move on, not go backwards. I hope everything works out alright for you.
@rubypatson (1840)
• India
4 Dec 06
Cheating is not good, but since you know it and have accepted its okay but he must understand that he cannot continue, you must threaten to leave him if he does, anything can be forgiven but not cheating it happend once thats okay too but make sure it will stop at that
@tanujarneja (2829)
• India
4 Dec 06
I am really sorry to hear this from you........Try to contact the guy you worked with long time back now....and find out if he still likes you and helps you thru this situation
@straight_n_fried (153)
• Canada
4 Dec 06
yess i do so very much and sometimes i just feel like goin over to his house and tell him how i still feel abouts him!!! but in the long run we both know that we r juss better off as freinds!!
@kawillow74 (1416)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I love my husband very much to, but ya I wounder allot what would have been. If we didn't have a baby at the age of 17 would we be together. I been with him since the age of 15. I can tell you I think everyone thinks about it aleast one time. One thing I can't or would not forgive is the cheating my dad did it and it destroyed our family I give you credit for sticking it out. Good luck
