I've been told it may be my fault. What do you think?

EXCUSE ME?? so does that mean that because I was trying to get home one night I deserved to be snatched up beaten and raped by three guys? does that mean that because i was innocent I deserved to be repeatedly molested by my legal father as a child?? C'mon!! of coures its NOT your fault thats the biggest load of crap and I would tell your friend "how dare you say tht to me! how I behaved DO NOT give him the right to abuse me!" I'm sorry but that kind of attitude ticks me right off! Put her in her place! That is not only rude and totally out of line but thats NOT how friends treat each other..she is supposed to be supportive of your healing not hindering it by putting doubts in your mind or adding to your stress by hurting your feeligns with ridiculous statements like that...

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE BY A SPOUSE!!Abuse by your husband is NOT your fault.It took me 5 years of physical abuse and another 20 years to learn that it wasn't my fault or something I did or didn't do. You should never think its your fault! Men who abuse their spouse have a very real problem, sometimes its a mental thing and sometimes its just the way they were taught it should be...PLEASE never, ever blame yourself for what someone else did to you!

I would ignore her completely on the issue. And tell her you don't wish to talk about it anymore. She doesn't understand the way you feel and it is not your fault at all. And good for you for getting away from him.

It sounds to me that she knows you look up to her and sees it as an opportunity to abuse you in her own way. Abuse is NOT your fault and you should not listen to this person. The way you say you admire someone who tells you it's your fault makes me thing that you don't have much confidence which is no surprise. I would ask he in depth why she thinks this is your fault and if she actually understands what it's like to go through this. I think the friend of yours must be a confident slightly pushy person and is taking advantage of you. I may be totally wrong but it's just the way I see it.

Abuse is NEVER your fault! Do not let someone,even if it is someone you trust and value their friendship with, tell you any different. Women do not ask to be abused, I know that for a fact as I too came from an abusive relationship and thought for the longest time it was my own fault. Chin up sweetie, you did the right thing and you are not to blame.

While you may normally look up to this woman, it is the simple fact that this time she is WRONG! Abusers abuse, plain and simple. Nothing you can do will and nothing you can't do to avoid the abuse. There would always be a 'reason' or justification for the abuse. Abuse begins long before it is noticed. It starts in small subtle ways. 'Suggestions' that you don't want to spend time with your family or friends. Strongly worded 'hints' that the abuser is your soul support both financial and emotional. Abusers do everything they can to make the abused dependent upon them. It is a conditioning that takes time. A conditioning that allows one to accept the abuse, until it can't be accepted any longer. I think to deal with what this woman is saying you can do one of two things. You can either ignore it or you can simply tell her that you believe the therapist is more qualified than she and you are agreeing with the therapist and end the discussion there. I think too you might want to start evaluating the things she tells you. Start using your own common sense more than depending on her. Today is the day you get to step up and start doing for you without anyone telling you what to do or think.

Tell your friend that no matter what you say or how you behaved it never gave your husband the right to physically abuse you. It is NOT your fault, he obviously had anger issues and no self control. If she continues to blame you, keep your distance from her, she isn't good for you.

Do not listen to your friend. She never walked a mile in your shoes and possibly has never obtained the right information about abuse. Continue down the road of your new life free of abuse. If your friend brings up the subject again give her lots of stuff to read about abuse.

interesting Topic :)

on this issue i will say.. don't ever listen to any one.. if you feel you could be a better judge of yourself, one then listen to others.. this is vital, because most of the time we judge ourself based on others opinion, this might not be true, as they are not exposed to same environment and same mentality..

You need to have a talk with this woman and tell her how that is not true. Abuse is never the victim's fault.If this friend of yours is truly a friend she would have never said that. I think its time for you to rethink who your real friends are.

dont know how you are in real life so i cant comment on if your the type to attract a abusive man, but the fact that you divorced him and went to therapy shows that you werent willing to be a victim very long so no i dont think yoour friend had the right point of view.

No, it was not your fault he abused you. You cannot be blamed for the issues he had.However, you do not say how long you were with this abuser.I,myself, was in an abusive relationship for a number of years when I was much younger.Like you,I was later taught that the abuse was not my fault,except for staying in the relationship as long as I did I set myself up to be a victim and emotionally co-dependant.Abusers recognize and play on this to keep you with them.After 9 yes 9 yrs. Iwas finally strong enough to put a stop to it,I am now in a healthy,happy marriage, and have learned never to be someone else's victim again.Good Luck to you in the future and beware of controlling men,as most of them ARE abusers,physically,mentally, or emotionally.

It's funny that no matter how long you know someone, you never truly know them. What in this person's right mind made them think they could even come close to making you think or feel this abuse was your fault? I don't care what you did, your ex had no right whatsoever to abuse you. I don't care if you were abusing them, at that point they should have just walked away. Your ex has a mind, makes decisions. This was totally your ex's fault...no question about it. Keep telling yourself that and don't let anyone tell you different! As for your friend, just sit him or her down and explain how the response made you feel. Maybe they didn't mean it the way it came out. My family annoys me all the time, but I'm not going around abusing them, you know? That is not an excuse in anyway.

I am sorry but your friend is wrong. It is NOT your fault. A man should never abuse a woman. If you will message me your first name I will add you to my daily prayer list and pray that God will help you through this time. Hang in there

Perhaps your friend needs therapy. The mindset that a victem is responsible for her abuser's treatment of her is common among women who, themselves have been abused.

Ignore her as she is totally wrong No one deserves to be beaten up ever and as for being an anoyance he could have just left and not beaten you up so that is a load of rubbish Whoever this Friend is ................ She is not a Friend at all

it isnt ur fault man thats not cool in any circumstance at alllll dont worrydude ur fine its not ur fault its theirs for being abusive

someone who says that obviously haven't been abused before. it is never your fault because you never asked for it. no one asks to be beaten up, and i would yell at her for saying something like that. maybe she has some issues herself. but whatever anyone says no one ever asks to be abused so it will NEVER be their fault. no one should abuse anyone.

Do you notice that while you were in an abused relationship, you were a different person. I know I was. Now, I would not stand for my spouse to even yell at me much less raise a hand at me. It is not your fault, that you were abused. It was your choice to stay in the relationship as long as you did after the abuse started. I am sorry you had to go through the abuse, I don't understand why we stay, we can't change the person who is abusing us, so that means we have to get the courage to leave the animal. I am glad you are out of that situation, in your next relationship, make sure you are treated like the queen that you are.