Tell your child who the dad is? What about if you were raped?

No, I would never tell the child. There would be no reason to because the child would never meet that person. The only father the child would know would be the husband. So why subject the child to the pain of knowing he/she was created by an act of violence?

I have actually had a friend in this situation before. One day the little boy approached them and stated that he felt like he didn't belong in the family, like he was different from his brother and sister. He also brought up how he didn't look like them. One thing we must remember is that children are much smarter, and observant then we give them credit for. This is why we must be honest with them. If we lie to them in this situation and they continue to feel this way, one day when they are older, they will decide to look into it and trust me, the truth always finds a way to come out. When that child finds they were lied to this whole time, they will be very angry and hold it against the ones who lied. How do we expect our children to respect us and trust us if we are lying to them? My friend realized the sensitivity of the situation, and approached it carefully. She simply explained to the child that her husband was not his real daddy, but another man that was not very nice to his mommy was. She explained how there were not very nice people in the world, and that it wasn't her sons fault. She also told him that she loved him very much. She decided to take him to counseling for a while after that to make sure that he knew he wasn't at fault and his family loved him no matter what the situation was. He is much older now and they are very close, I believe it is because she chose to be honest. I'm not saying it would be easy, but remember that the truth will find it's way out eventually and that child would much rather hear it from the parent. Remember though, it is a child, spare him the details. This is definately a tough situation but life has a way of working things out. Best of wishes!

It's very difficult. I have no experience with this, so my opinion isn't an expert one, but I think ultimately they should be told. Things have a way of coming out and finding out accidentally would be worse, I think. I don't think they should be told until they can understand the concept. I think the important thing would be to tell the child that they're loved, that the father they know is their father in every way that matters, and even though their conception was an act of violence, who they are, their importance and value, is not tied to that. It would be upsetting, which is why a lot of love is needed to counter the effects. Lile I said, I've never had to deal with a choice like that, so I don't know, and maybe it's different for each person. But, I think I would rather know than not know. Or know from someone who took the time to explain it to me and reassure me, than find out by accident.

I don't really know what the answer is, or what to say about it. I think that each time it happens, to different people, that they all will react differently. One really never knows how they will react until it happens to them. So many "ifs". Since different people react to the same things so different, it would have to be decided at the time of thinking about what to do.

father-a male parent - to assume or admit responsibility for. out of dictionary no where did it say has dna so i admire both people taking this on and i don't think the child should know who dna parent is till the child is old enough to fully understand say 16. sorry this has happened to the mother and can understand her and the husbands convictions and choices. there are people out there that have no choice either and say have to adopt, that doesn't mean that they love their children any less then the both of them will love their child. bless them both for taking this position and if i were in the same position would like too think i was as strong and had as much love for my family to carry on. just hope the real father isn't someone who is known to the couple and knows what he's really done and comes back to interfear with their decisions, or mess'es with the child...

"If you were them would you tell the child that the man who raises them is the real father?" - no..but I WOULD tell them that he is the ONLY father but no I wouldnt lie (especially considering the fact that racially speaking that might not even be possible) "What would you say about the biological father if you said anything at all?" - in time when I feel the child is old enough I would tell them the truth...One thing I've learned over the yrs is that when you lie to your kids you are getting into a very possible bad situation..either they find out anyway then resent you for lying or you feel guilty for lying to them...

No, I would never want to tell my child they were conceived in rape. My husband would be the legal father, I would never disrupt or destroy any relationship my husband would evolve with my child. The only way I would mention anything, would be if the child were under medical care and genetics were important to diagnosis and treatment. And then, I would not tell the child, only the medical professionals. Why hurt a child by saying their conception was in violence? The child may sence differences anyway.

this a Hard one for me this a good question to ask here sorry i cant think here :(

Well if the husband is willing to love the child as much as he loves his other kids and well his name is on the certificate then no I wouldn't tell the child. There would have to be some explaining it the child was a different color....but I wouldn't tell other wise if the love is there

that's a very difficult situation. i, personally, would not want to know that im the child of a rape. it would probably psychologically damage me knowing that my mother had to go through so much pain and torture...and that i was the unwanted and unexpected result of that. but i guess it depends on the child, so im not really sure what to answer you. i would suggest waiting until the child is old enough to understand and accept all of this if they decide to tell him/her the truth.

There's a really hard question... I think the child has the right to know, when s/he gets old enough to understand what it all means. That's a really horrible scenario, though.

I would say that no I wouldn't tell that child until he was either in a medical situation or he was an adult. No good could come of him finding out now.

If for some reason the child was old enough to wonder and ask questions, they deserve an honest answer. I wouldn't offer up the information if they are not old enough to understand, obviously. And if nobody else knows, then what is the point? As long as they have no idea, and the husband and child have a bond that is like they are biologically related- they love each other- then I don't see why saying anything does any good.

There is just no point tellin the child who the real father is....if the child is blended with the family,who cares who was his/her biological father???rite from day 1 of his existence in da world,he has seen "this man" as his father...and i dont see a point tellin him da truth

i dont think u must tell the child

It will sure affect the child, even after the child is mature it should not be said. If it is said It would become a thorn throughout the life. If it is said after he/ she reaches the age of 30 then it causes less but, he will think bad for few days sure.

no i'm very against it , untill the child know it from somewhere ,which he will know , or wait atleast for his/her 12th birthday there is no need for making his life bad . when he come to know about it , then tell him that you were doing it for his / her good , at first ,he will not agree , but after that everything will improve slowly, i'm very right about that.

I definitely would not tell. I am trying to put myself in the child's place and I think it would ruin my life if my parents were to tell me something like this.

It's the old nature vs nuture. If you provide a stable environment for the child as they are growing you can breach the topic when they are older. Obviously for medical purposes the child would need to know their biology. Perhaps not the circumstances that brought them into the world. That is a personal choice.

i think it's very hard to say :/