I Need your ADVISE plleeeeeaaaaaassseeee!!!

My ex thought he could waltz back into my life after we split up too. Do they think that we will forget the bad times and why we left them in the first place. Our final separation came after I had left him many times and took him back. Each time he promised to change, but the change was only for a brief time and he quickly reverted to his old self. I commend you by asking him to prove himself first. A big hug to you. It takes courage to stand up for yourself my dear. Make sure he truly has changed before you give him another chance. Life is too short to be in a relationship where you are not happy. He is being the self-ish one by wanting to you to take him back without him changing himself. He needs to change not only for you and your sons, but for himself too. Change can happen. Tell him that he will be a better man for it and self-pride is important too. Good luck to you!

A man is suppose to take care of his family financially and if hes not doing that then theres no reason for him to be there. Flirting is also unacceptable. If those r your only complaints and he can fix those you should probably give it another try.

Well I think that he needs to prove to you that he has changed and is making an effort..he needs to step up and have a good job and stop flirting! When you see that he is changing and making an effort then maybe you can give him another chance..but you need to think of yourself and your children first...

I would assume there is more to the separation than you have presented here... Fixing himself is a good idea, so is fixing yourself, since you admit to not being perfect. Why doesn't he have a job? Is he looking for work, attending classes to better his prospects? What do you mean by flirty? Did he ignore you and give all his attention to other women? Did he flirt and increase someone's self esteem by doing so? How other than not having a job is he irresponsible?

see all u need to do is spend some time with him..try takin to him and ask him whether he is intrested in u or not???and y??? and 1 thing u can alwaz do is to pray...believe me it really works...but u need to believe...

Well I would say that everything is in your hand.You can make him a good man and can lead a happy life. I think you can give him a chance to prove himself as a good husband and father for your children. Because it is not like he is the only person in this world who is irresponsible,jobless,etc. I would say most the men get responsibilities only when they come across some bad and critical situations. Why don't you think like he has crossed from those bad ones because some mis-understanding is required for good understanding...

if he still has nothing to add to the table,than why does he deserve another chance,if its his parents supporting you.maybe he is jealous,of the money you receive for his children,even though its not him its coming from,if he can not prove to you that he can support you all,so NO you are not being selfish,or unfair,its you and your children who need to come first.x

I have the exact same problem, my irresponsible ex wants to come back and I have the same decision to make. Try to separate what is best for you and what is best for your sons. Life as a single mom is tough I know, and it's easier when there's 2 of you sharing the parenting, is he going to be a help to you? Has he changed? Ultimately what do you really want, will you regret it if you don't give him another chance? Or are you and your sons happy without him? So many questions I don't really have the answers either. In my situation I'm giving my ex another chance for my children's sakes. But I'm not looking at it forever (and I still haven't forgiven him). We'll just take it day by day.

Well sweet i've raised all my kids by myself there dad was a jerk. and i was in the same postion and i know it's hard but you got to remeber what makes you happy and you got to remember your kids are your kids for 18 years and they start living for there selfs. you have to know you have worth and your kids do to. I know it hard being a mom alone but in reality you got out of your relationship becuase you didn'tlike so what is going to make it better you'vebeen there has it changed since you've been gone has he remembered your worth and your kids worth and his worth..this is what i did i said to my ex if i see you have all the things we need in 6 months then i will come back if i see you get a plant and it's alive when i come over from time to time and it's still alive then we can work something out well it never did he couldn't do it..so he is and ex becuase it was worth it. yes i'm happy i'm older now but it was worth knowing what i can do with out him and getting someone greater it was worth it. love is storng and you still feel it but things can happen in other ways and you have to depend on god he knows more about us then anyone. you have to be strong for yourself and your kids and your worth and what is going to make you happy...if you want your ex back well that is fine but if i were you i'd make him prove himself to you and your kids. do what makes you happy and remeber your worth ....i know you still love him and you got out for good reasons but don't get back to a place that isn't going to make you and your kids happy. remeber what you left for and if that hasn't changed don't put yourself back there it will only be harder for you to leave or out. so stay where your at and just give him your altamadum ok good luck i hope the best and god bless and happy hollidays....whitefeahter

NO that is not selfish. IF NOTHING CHANGES, NOTHING CHANGES. It definitely has to change. Plus, it is very dangerous to rekindle a relationship in the midst of an emotionally charged time like losing one's parents. Both of you need to work on your stuff and maybe down the road it can work out, but not now. I think that what you told him (to fix himself) is a good thing and you could probably use some counseling too. Good luck! - Susan (http://GettingPastYourPast.wordpress.com)

I think that you are correct.Your ex-husband should prove himself then only you think of patching up.I think this is the right time to show him his responsibilities.You are not unfare.Also you will have to behave some betterly for good long term relation.

you've got the right to deny him if you want too and also leave him. the husband has the soul responsibility to take care of their family. i hate to say this but i think most filipino men are lazy in nature. that is why there are a lot of women in here who are working their butts off instead of the guys. serve him right for leaving him... you have to control yourself for a moment and don't give in yet... he has to learn to change first and if he really loves you, then he will change. be selfish for a while or you will loose in the end. we can only have our lives once so it is better for you not to waste your time with people who doesn't wanna change. help yourself too... you can do it...

From ur story I'm sure that u were very hard to take this decision but.. in this case u should take the best decision for u, and your kids. I think if he is willing to change his life then the 1st step you should take is forgive him for what he is in the past. Then see what he do for a couple month or more or until u were sure that he can suppor his family (u and ur kids) after all this is ur decision to make for a better life an support dor u and ur kids.

you're not selfish nor unfair and bitter as well. giving him another chance is a good thing but you just want to be sure that he is capable and man enough to raise his family. you just want a better future for your kids and you want your husband to see that. just give him another chance, a good talk and a better understanding and trust is the key :)

well you are not wrong.. is anybody there who can take the responsibilty of your ex-husbund. my suggestion is that first you observe him very carefully and then take the decision because it is question of you and your children. you are not selfish and unfair don't think that best of luck!!

Make him prove to you that he WANTS you back, give him a timeline to get a job and make enough money to support you and your chldren, if he does not comply, walk away with the satisfaction that you gave him an opportunity without hurting yourself and your children by having him come and go from your lives

In life there are a lot of ups and downs comes, you must take care of each and everything. In this case I think u must give him a chance to fix himself. warn him before moving to his house that if she treats me as his wife then only i will stay with him otherwise I am pretty happy alone. No, You are not selfish dear. You are even fair. I don't think you are wrong. Thanks

In life there are a lot of ups and downs comes, you must take care of each and everything. In this case I think u must give him a chance to fix himself. warn him before moving to his house that if she treats me as his wife then only i will stay with him otherwise I am pretty happy alone. No, You are not selfish dear. You are even fair. I don't think you are wrong. Thanks

Youre just doing it beacuse you want you're sons to have a good future and also to teach him to be responsible for his family..Do you still love him?

your not..what you've done is just right..if that is the case he wants to go back to you..think of your children first..you think he can support them now?..whatever decision you are going to make just be sure all of you will be benefited