what was the latest joke that you heard?

1) A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around." 2)One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!" 3)A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell. So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one said, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? " First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed? David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

A guy is travelling in a train. On the way, he feels the urge to go to the toilet. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, and sees another inside; quickly apologizes, and comes back to his seat, not realising that he had only looked into the mirror in the bathroom. Repeated attempts prove futile as every time he opens the door, he finds the same guy in the exact same position. Not being able to take it anymore, he hunts down the conductor and relates his sorry tale. The conductor promises to take a look, goes to the bathroom to oust the offender, and returns with a sheepish look on his face. "What's wrong?", asks the guy. To which the conductor replies, "I'm sorry, brother I can't do anything, this man is a railway staff member".

Two men started in a bar and then had a couple of drinks together. "Look", said one,"I want to treat you now, but I`ve no more money with me. I`ll just go back to my flat and gets some from my wife. Why don`t you amoe along. "Sure",said the other. The mans flat was just a few steps away, and they went up to the first floor. Inside it in full view, doors wide open` the man`s wife was in bed with another man. The acquaintance from the bar was shocked and embarrased, but the husband kept his cool. "Got some money?" he asked his wife. "Sure. Look in my purse. It`s over there on dresser." The husband did, found some, and motioning to his new friend led the way out back to the pub. "Two more of the same." He asked to the barkeeper. The second man was too amazed by what he`d seen to say a word. Finally he asked, "But what about the man in the bed?" "Oh, he can buy his own drink." said the husband