Jokes! Tell one!

hi,you..are you recognise me...we are close friends in school...hey..still you couldnot remember me..think once again...get remember me...NOW you can recognise me as a mylot member,saying this as joke..

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for. "In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?" "Wow! Are you kidding?" "Yeah, but you started it."

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off. "Yes it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch." "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy. "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.

Its a forward by someone How People Pursue Their Career In Pak JEE - Jehadic Entrance Examination IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban IAS - Iraq after Saddam M Tech - Masters in Terror Technology GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner? So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says: "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said: "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family". "Very good" said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Dracula astonished says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies " Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children". "Impressive" said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on earth did you do that????" he asked. And the bat replies. "Do you see this tower?" Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says "Well, I didn't".

Where do cows go on dates? The Moo-Vies!

Prized Goat While working on a message the pastor heard a knock at his office door. "Come in," he invited. A contrite-looking man in threadbare clothes came in, pulling a goat on a rope, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" asked the man with his hat in his hand. Wordlessly, the pastor indicated the chair and the man sat down in it gingerly. The goat proceeded to sniff around the office. With one eye on the animal and one on the man, the pastor folded his hands on his desk and leaned forward, curious to hear the fellow's story, "What can I do for you?" "My family is hungry," started the man. "So I stole this goat. But I feel that I have sinned. Would you please take it?" "Certainly not," said the minister. "Then what should I do with it?" asked the man. "Give it back to the man you stole it from, of course!" the pastor explained. "I offered it to him, but he refused to take it. Now what should I do?" "In that case," the minister said, "It would be all right for you to keep it and feed your family." That seemed to settle things as far as the man was concerned. "Thank you for your help, sir." With a lighter step, he walked out of the office, leading the goat on the rope behind him. Later that afternoon when the minister returned home, he said to his wife as he walked in, "I have got a story to tell you." "I have something to tell you first," she exclaimed. "Someone has stolen your goat!"

http://www.webwombat.com.au/entertainment/humour/index_psv.htm

a stupid person was listening to a lecture about internet in the middle of the lecture he raised his hand and it was obvious it's an important question and said" now what is better internet or hard disk" one says to his friend "do you know my father once stopped an airplane in the air till he fixed it" the other said "that's impossible because of the law of gravity" the first" my father did it before The issuance of that law"

Best Irish joke A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”. “Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.” “That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

Well,Jokes are important but i prefer jokes that are in a video form.It is alot more entertaining then just read it.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

wo guys are sitting at a bar. After a bunch of drinks over several hours, one guy hiccups, drops his head down to his chest, pushes himself away from the bar, and proceeds to hurl all over himself. Wiping his mouth off on his shirtsleeve, he says, "Man, I gotta go home. I'm already two hours late, and now I've thrown up all over myself. My wife is gonna kill me. The second guy turns to the first and says, "Naw she won't. Listen, you got twenty bucks?" The first says, "Yeah, why?" The second drunk says, "Take the twenty and put it in your front pocket. When you get home and your wife asks what happened, you tell her some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you twenty bucks for the dry cleaning. I do it all the time." The first guy says, "Great idea! Let's have another round", and the two continued to drink for the next couple of hours. Eventually they head home. Sure enough, the first guy’s wife is waiting up for him. As he walks through the door, she takes a look at him and says, "Look at you! You're pathetic!! You're five hours late, drunk as a skunk, and you've got dried puke all over the front of you! What have you got to say for yourself ?!?" He says, "Wait honey, listen for a second. This drunken guy threw up on me and gave me twenty bucks to get my shirt dry cleaned, I swear. Check my front pocket." She reaches in and pulls out the money. She says, "Wait there's 40 bucks in here!" He says, "Oh yeah, he crapped in my pants too!!"

On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, "Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun! I will give you a life span of 50 years.." The cow objected, "What? This kind of tough life you want me to live for 50 years? Let me have 20 years, and the 30 years I'll give back to you." So God agreed. On the second day, God created the dog. God said to the dog, "What you are supposed to do is to sit all day by the door of your house. Any people that come in, you will have to bark at them! I'll give a life span of 20 years." The dog objected, "What? All day long to sit by the door? No way! I give you back my other 10 years of life!" So God agreed. On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to the monkey, "Monkeys have to entertain people. You've got to make them laugh and do monkey tricks. I'll give you 20 years life span." The monkey objected. "What? Make them laugh? Do monkey faces and tricks? Ten years will do, and the other 10 years I'll give you back." So God agreed. On the fourth day, God created man and said to him, "Your job is to sleep, eat, and play. You will enjoy very much in your life. All you need to do is to enjoy and do nothing. This kind of life, I'll give you a 20 year life span." The man objected. "What? Such a good life! Eat, play, sleep, do nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live only for 20 years? No way, man!....Why don't we make a deal? Since the cow gave you back 30 years, and the dog gave you back 10 years and the monkey gave you back 10 years, I will take them from you! That makes my life span 70 years, right?" So God agreed. AND THAT'S WHY.... In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do nothing much. For the next 30 years, we work all day long, suffer and get to support the family. For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey faces and monkey tricks. And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit by the front door and bark at people!

Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams & Elton John were walking over a bridge. Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings. With a couple of sideways glances Robbie pulls down her knickers and shags her senseless. He stands back. "Your turn", he tells Elton. But Elton starts crying. "What's up?" asks Robbie. Elton sobs, "My head won't fit between the railings!"

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob". "And what is your question, Bob?" "I have 3 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden? Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve" "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?! And fifth, Where is "Bob"?!!

Three Envelopes A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open one of these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his witís end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes." Another joke ;p

a man goes to shop and ask theshop keeper give me one pack of nuddles. the shop keeper stsrted packing. the man ask him what is the proce of the bread? he replies 8$. man says then give it instead of nudles. the shop keeper stsrted packing bread, the man asks again what is the rate of the honey? he says 8$. thenpack it instead of bread.the shop keeper stsrted packing honey. the man took the honey pack & start going out. the shopkeeper ask for the money. the man says i took it instead of bread! then give the amt of bread. but i blught it insted of nudles! then pay for it damned. the shop keeper screamed. but i din't have it... the man calmly replied and went away

k!..heres a joke!....bah bah black sheep have u any wool......No f*$% off!:D..i noe its stupid..but wen u say out loud it sounds pretty funny:P

On their anniversary night, Santa and his wife, Jeeto, sat down in the den with her favourite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself. "How romantic!" Jeeto thought. Two-and-a-half hours later, Jeeto was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess. Santa, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long, I had to refill the pepper shaker." "Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?" "More than an hour, I reckon. Wasn`t easy stuffin` it through those dumb little holes."