I can't have 2 boyfriends!
@princess_lula (27)
United States
December 11, 2006 6:15pm CST
I have a problem...
I really really like someone. He is a customer where I work, and I see him every week. Finally one day he asked me out, and I couldn't resist it, I said yes. We have had 2 dates for now, and yesterday he told me really liked me and that he wanted me to be his girlfriend...
the problem is....
I already got a boyfriend!!
I don't know what to do, I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year now. I'm happy with him, I do love him and when I'm with him I feel realyl great. The problem is that he is not very loving, he doesn't show me much affection. He says he's just not that kind of person, he is a cold guy, and that he is trying his best. I've been lacking a big deal of passion in this relationship the last few months.
I don't know if this guy I went out with is someone I'm looking for to fill out the gaps my boyfriend leaves in this relationship. But I truly do like him, he's beautiful in every way.
I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend, I don't want to break anybody's heart. I don't want to leave him.
WHAT DO I DO????
WHAT WOULD YOU DO???
1 person likes this
147 responses
@deejlux (524)
• Italy
12 Dec 06
Ok ok,i get the problem.You have a boyfriend,and another boy wants to be your one. And X gives you what Y don't give,and vice versa.
The solution is simple.
Why don't you try a third? I'm free.
:D
@jayveedee (94)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
you dont want to hurt him but you're cheating on him,if he discovers, he'll get hurt worse. it's the same thing
@forfein (2507)
•
12 Dec 06
WOW!
OK
You have been with the guy twice
You seem to like him
what you have to do now is to see the two of them, obviously not at the same time, and then, make a decision which one you want to be with!
But.......
If you then decide it is the first guy, be careful he does not find out about your "secret"
Hope it works out!
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
12 Dec 06
you might think you're happy in your current relationship, but its obvious that you're not because you're seeking what your boyfriend is lacking in other guys. if you're "lacking a great deal in this relationship", then it's probably time you get out of it. i think the only thing you can do now is choose between the two before anything gets out of hand and leads to cheating. either way, you're going to hurt one of the guys, but that's just something you'll have to deal with. if you really love your boyfriend and want to be with him, then maybe you should work on the relationship so that you're not lacking anything and so that you're happy in every way possible. if you would rather be with this other guy, then you need to break up with your boyfriend right away.
@MikeBorg (85)
• Indonesia
12 Dec 06
I'm agree with pagli84,
LIFE is FULL of a CHOICE...!!For example, you have to choice:
- Use your Right Hand or Left Hand at one time
- Be a Good Girl or a Bad Girl...
- Continue your School or get a Job to make money for living...
Of course, You can pick and do Two, Three, or more (do you ever think to have three boyfriends or more?? he..he..) choice at one time, but the RESULT is NOT OPTIMUM..!!JUST MAKE YOUR BEST(?) CHOICE and TRY TO LIFE WITH IT.
Don't think to much about your first or new boyfriend hurt feeling...
Maybe it's BETTER with any of them that you make your choice right away (even if it's hurts), compare to the EMPTY HOPES that you give for them NOW...!!After all.. YOU CAN'T MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY..!!My suggestion: Take a time for a while to have a deep thinking, what is a BEST CHOICE for you and THE REST OF YOU LIFE...
GOOD LUCK...!!
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
But that's the thing, yes, I AM lacking a great deal of passion in this relationship, but my dilemma is... Is passion really the only thing that matters? Because he makes me happy and shows me love in a lot of other ways. I understand passion is important, but is it everything? Is a reason to leave him?
@soldenski (2503)
• United States
12 Dec 06
This is great, you'll get two gift's for Christmas!!! If you really loved your boyfriend, you would not have gone out with the other guy. Just my opinion
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I do love him, you can't judge it, because I just went out with this guy, and had a coffee and chatted. We didn't kiss, or touched in any way. I'm just getting to know him and I happen to like him. That doesn't mean I'm already cheating.
@JC1969 (1224)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Well first off, you should never have allowed yourself to cheat on your boyfriend. Secondly, you answered you own question. See, when a person says:
"I already got a boyfriend!!I don't know what to do, I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year now. I'm happy with him, I do love him and when I'm with him I feel realyl great."
Like you said, and then follows up with "the problem is he is not very loving...", then you have already solved your dilema. A boyfriend can't be great as you say, and you can't really love him if he has a flaw that makes you unhappy, especially one that is so important to a relationship as affection and being able to show and express it. So, you can't say you are happy and love him and he is really great, and then in the next breath say he is unaffectionate, and cold--because then you are not happy, which helped you gravitate toward searching out and straying to another relationship.
No one should settle on happiness just for the sake of not wanting to hurt the other party, he will be more hurt if he finds out you cheated and dated someone else. I suggest you separate from your boyfriend, and pursue the happiness you need in your life. You can't make a person who is cold by nature change.
@JC1969 (1224)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Hey, things happen. I don't condone cheating, but I think that we do those things because we truly aren't happy in the relationships we have. Because if you were truly happy, it would have been your motivation to say "no, I have a wonderful boyfriend already," to the other guy. However, you couldn't, so, that is kind of showing you what you already know you need to do. Doesn't mean you have to tell your boyfriend you have strayed, just that maybe you need to re-evaluate that relationship for what it is--and stop fooling yourself into thinking it is a happy relationship, and take a break from it. You don't want to keep fooling yourself, and then contenting yourself by leading a dual life with two relationships, because in the end you may wind up hurting both these guys and find yourself alone.
@Rebecky (166)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Once upon a time, I was in a similar situation. I was with a guy for 3 years. I thought I was in love with him. He was my first boyfriend. I din't have any self confidence, and I thought we were happy. There was not any passion, I didn't get butterflies in my tummy when I saw him. Actually, he was an emotional black hole, he was sucking the life out of me and I never even saw it.
Then I met another guy. He was amazing! Butterflies, excitement, passion. I was flabbergasted at how much I enjoyed his company. I knew I had to finally make the break with my boyfriend. I'm so glad I did!
Guy number two...we've been together 12 years now, married for 9 of them. I still get butterflies and he's my best friend.
Moral of the story, your man has to meet all of your needs, not just some of them. You sound young, you have a lifetime ahead of you. Don't settle and wait for that passion to return. Most likely, it won't. Maybe you just need to separate for a while, maybe you'll get back together. Most important: You need to find you!
@independent1 (309)
• India
12 Dec 06
BELIEVE ME PRINCESS... I DON'T HAVE GOOD WORDS FOR YOU... YOU ARE A BIG CHEAT... AND YOU PRETEND THAT YOU ARE STILL FAITHFUL.. YOU COULD NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR FIRST BF. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO HIM AND TOLD HIM WHAT HE NEEDS AND WHAT YOU NEED AND WHAT YOU ARE NOT GETTING FROM HIM.
I JUST HATE YOU, SO MUCH I CANNOT DEFINE, YOU ARE HIPPOCRATE AND VERY BAD AT MAKING DECISIONS.
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
YOU HATE ME? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, GRANDPA? AND HOW CAN YOU JUDGE ME? YOU DON'T KNOW ME, OK? YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. YES, I HAVE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT WHAT I NEEDED, AND HIS ANSWER WAS "THIS IS HOW I AM... I'M SORRY, I CANNOT CHANGE. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT".
YOU ARE TOO SURE OF WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, AREN'T YOU? YOU ARE FULL CRAP.
I GUESS YOU NEVER LIED? I GUESS YOU MAKE ALL GOOD DECISIONS? SHUT YOUR MOUTH OR BE CONSTRUCTIVE.
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I KNOW it's not fair! God, you people are treating me as if I was proud of this. I'm NOT! I'm asking for help, I'm asking for suggestions of how this should be handled, I'm not asking to criticism or judgement.
@SpUtNiKbOi (302)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
Going out on a date is CHEATING already. . . and theres another 1. if you want to go to another relationship, better get out of the first one. Thats an unfair action for your BF.
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Ok, you know what guys, just shoot me.
MyLot can you please delete this dicussion now????? I'm getting more complaints, judging and bashing than advice.
@imadriscoll (2228)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I love my husband very much and because I love him I could never disrespect him by going on a date with another man. I don't think that you love your boyfriend if you would go out with this other guy. I think that you need to learn what real love is and what honesty and commitment are and I think that you should do this before you move on to another guy. Break up with your boyfriend, don't date anyone else and be an honest person.
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
You can't compare your relationship with mine. You're married. For I read, you have children. Are you telling me you have the same commitment to your husband that a girl can have with a boyfriend of 1 year??
@kyuti_elai (90)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
i guess you better try getting to know the new one very well. you said he's just a customer you've met in your work and you never knew him that well! i mean, maybe you're just fascinated with his attitude or his own way that you never found in your current boyfriend. you think you love him just because he's different from your bf. but i'm pretty sure it's not love that you really have for him. there's just a missing price in your relationship that you think you've finally found with another man..but you know what girl? whatever it is you're holding on to right now, better be fair. you can't just continue with this while your bf doesn't know anything. 'coz that's really cheating on him! come to think of it..if you were your bf being on that situation, what will you do? how would you feel? you don't wanna be fooled either! you'd really hurt him so say it while it's still early. choose and decide. remember you can't have them both.
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
no, I don't think I love him. I know I don't love him. I just really like who he is. And the more I know him, the more I like him. This has all just started, it's not like it has been going on for months... and I know I've got to choose. I guess right now my problem is... which one?
@melanio (3)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
you know i've been to a similar situation like yours once... and i know it's not that that easy.. like choosing to have a vacation between Europe or America! And it's pretty darn confusing! But in the end.. all you gotta do is follow your heart and choose the one you think would really make you happy.. Good Luck!
@pedumfio (667)
• Canada
12 Dec 06
If your boyfriend hasn't learned to be more loving etc. than chances are he never will learn. I know it's hard but drop him, cause you know what he's like and you know what he is not capable of doing, I would take the chance with the new guy cause he is already doing more than your boyfriend.
Good luck.
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
The problem is, as much cold he is, he's shown me, he's proven to me that he does love me with all of his heart. That's why it's so hard making a decision, otherwise of course I'd have dropped him by now.
@Chapman15 (1492)
• United States
12 Dec 06
So, I was wondering where you think your relationship is going with your current boyfriend? Do you argue much? Do you think you can deal with his non-passion over the long run?
I think the biggest mistakes I've made in the dating world was not cutting the ties quick enough. I know that I've had a few girlfriends that I "tried to make it work", maybe it was physical needs, but most of the time you can tell deep down when to move on...
Whatever you do dont make your decision based solely on what people said on the internet lol!
@Chapman15 (1492)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Really tough call then, if your lacking anything you should express it more to him. I know you said he was trying, but could that possibly hurt you in the long run if he can't change... You can't teach an old dog new tricks!
@froogle (775)
•
12 Dec 06
You will ahve to decide on choosing between the two! I completely agree.. it will be hard.. but u gotto!
@Alexanderrp (163)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Drama drama drama and more drama. I HATE DRAMA! :D
That's a choice for you to make, not the choice of a bunch of people you don't know from some website. :D
@volatile (204)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Newsflash! You already are cheating. Cut the bull and just make a decision. All this "I don't want to break anyone's heart" crap are just rationalizations to continue getting attention from both guys. If you really did care about his feelings you would just break it off with one of them instead of worrying about the guilt YOU feel. You aren't worried about how he feels you are worried about the guilt you will feel.
@princess_lula (27)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Excuse me, people!? How the hell am I a cheater? I just went out for coffee and for a chat with a guy who I ended up liking more than I expected and now I'm trying to find a way to be honest and not cheat on my boyfriend. Don't you think it would be way easier for me to just cheat on him and be with both of them and not care about their feelings?? Of course it would be!! I'm trying to figure out how to do this the best way.
A lot of times you are going to be in spots where whatever decision you make is going to end up hurting somebody, and because of that you are going to have a world of jugdement on you??? I couldn't help it! I couldn't help wanting to get to know a person who seems interesting. At work I can't talk, so we went for coffee. I even thought of just becoming friends, but now I like him more than I should, and I'm trying to see what is failing in my relationship with my bofriend.
It's just not right to bash me. Neither of you are perfect, neither of you would have done "the right thing" if you were in this situation, because there isn't a "right thing" to do. You follow your heart. I haven't done anything to harm anybody.
If you don't have a solution to suggest then you should keep that kind of comments to yourself. I just asked for a "What would you do" question, I didn't ask to hear how much you people hate me for what's going on.
@cathiza27 (188)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
First and foremost its good that you seek advice first before you decide, Its hard to decide because you might regret in the end. Just seek your heart and soul what you really wants. Just do the right thing and go for a right thing. Maybe you can have a test to both of them. For you to know whos the deserving one. Sometimes much better that the guy will more love us than our love to them. Search your heart girl and wish you good luck!
