Would you invite family to dinner and make them donate money for the meal?
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
United States
December 11, 2006 7:23pm CST
When I was with my ex, his mother would invite us to dinner for either Thanksgiving or Christmas or both. About a week before the dinner, she would ask us to give $20 toward the meal and bring a dessert. I was flabberghasted. Now, I have always offered to bring something when invited we had been invited to dinner, but this was a bit odd to me. My ex paid the money. I made a dessert. His sister complained that it took him longer to come up with the money than everyone else. I questioned the $20 donation. They looked at me like I had 2 heads. The response was that there were 3 of us to feed. I looked at my 3 month old daughter and stated that she got her meal from me (I was breastfeeding), and that I wouldn't eat more than $2.00 worth of food and my husband would maybe eat $5.00 worth. You could have heard a pin drop. Still, the tradition went on....that is of course when we had everyone to our house for dinner and we footed the entire bill. They did bring the pies.
87 responses
@LovingIt (5396)
• United States
12 Dec 06
That's the rudest thing I've ever heard of in my entire life!!! Asking you to bring a dish is one thing, but to ask you to donate AND to bring a dish?? That's insane!!! Why did they feel the donation wasn't any longer needed when it was at your house? OMG!!!
What in the heck did they serve that they asked you to donate that much money? Sounds like a money-making enterprise to me!
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Now that is really sad! You have to over pay for a meal and it sucked!!!!
Boy! What a waste! Sorry again hun for you having to endure the family greed. LOL
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Thankfully these in-laws are now ex-inlaws!!!! I don't have to deal with the bs anymore.
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I don't think it right that you are invited to dinner...key word, invited...and then you have to turn around and pay for your meal? That isn't right.
One year when my family were all close enough, we all brought something for dinner. It was like a pot luck. A main dish and dessert. Some brough veggies or a platter. And when we put it all together, we had a meal that had everyone taking home leftovers.:)
I think if she wanted donations, she should have suggested a pot luck instead.
And no, they should not have counted the 3 month old. Its not as if she was going to take the drumstick from someone! LOL
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
13 Dec 06
This is a new one. When we invite people over, we don't ask them to bring anything but themselves. But most of my family members bring some form of food whether it's dessert or something for part of the meal, but we never have asked each other to donate money towards dinner.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
13 Dec 06
This definately was something that I had never experienced before. I am not sure that this is practiced with them still.
@claudia413 (4280)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I'd say you got out of a very weird family. We always have big family gatherings and everyone brings a dish or two. Those that can afford it bring the main entrees. I think that's the fairest way to do it. We use any excuse for all of us to get together several times a year. No one is ever asked to contribute money. Those of us who can afford it will sometimes invite family over and just ask them to bring a dessert and nothing else. Of course, they bring more than that, but we make everyone take plates home with them so we're not eating leftovers for the next week. LOL.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Those were my in-laws....his weird family, I have my own set of weirdness on my side. Besides, those in-laws are now my ex-inlaws!
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
What really frosted my biscuits was that his mother was well off financially. We didn't have a pot to piss in.
@arvee17 (730)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
i think that is not actually inviting over for dinner but like eating on a restaurant but the food taste bad and the people are bad too. your husband's family is totally weird. they wanna have a family dinner with you guys, they invited you as guests but ended up you paying for the food they serve... total rip off...
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
If I have people to dinner and they ask what they can bring, I tell them to bring themselves and a hearty appetite.
@loved1 (5328)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I think that was in very bad taste. If she had told you that from the beginning you could have respectfully declined attending.(not everyone can afford to drop $20.00 on a meal) Did she ask everyone to pay the $20.00 fee? (By the way, I would consider that a fee as a donation is voluntary) Was she serving lobster? Exactly how much profit did she make by the time this little charade was over? Did you still have to help with the dishes? lol This time of year people, especially people with children, don't have much extra money. You should have taken your dessert and your $20.00 and driven straight to the nearest restaurant.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
She served an overcooked turkey with rubber stuffing and pasty gravy.
@juls2me2 (2150)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I remember pitching in with my sister to make an awesome meal for my father's birthday party. That was really the only time I can remember being asked to pay money. Our family likes to get together to eat, but usually my mom just puts the food together. As we're all getting older, thats changing and we're getting more into potluck
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
With my family we do a potluck and meet at my mother's for dinner. She lives in an elderly/handicapped apartment complex and there is a community room. We hold our gathering there. It is a great time. Plenty of food for everyone!
@kids91911 (4363)
• United States
12 Dec 06
No because it wouldn't be worth my time to ask them to donate money for a dinner.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I still can't believe that they did this. It has been 28 years now and I still shake my head and laugh over it.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Why is it there are families like this, and other Orginizations like this that always expect you to give, but then if you do something, they never want to be there to help out. It is interesting to say the least when they are like this.
For our Church Christmas Banquet they had Sunday night they told my husband he had to bring something, or help out with some Cash to defray the cost. If I would not have been working at this time, I would have looked at them and said then we will not come as we cannot afford it.
I guess you just tend to go with the flow of things, and then move on from there. Just I think tends to leave a BAD taste in your mouth with people like this, and I guess maybe someday they will wake up and see they are Hurting people and themselves in the end.
@baysmummy (1637)
• Australia
12 Dec 06
I cant believe you wouldnt even pay for a christmas banquet through the church, it is all ways of fundraising! my fiance plays cricket and once a month they have something on, 2 months ago we had a fish fry where they brought fish and chips and salad and they charged $8 a person or $20 a family no matter how big your family was, Do you think that these organisations get their food for free they do have to pay for stuff it is only fair to pay for some of it! entirely different story if it is family and your invited for a family dinner!
@baysmummy (1637)
• Australia
12 Dec 06
That is certainly one i have never heard of before, I dont even ask people to bring a plate of something or dessert but if they offer to make something then i wouldnt say no, but certainly never expect it or ask people to donate money towards the meal, Although maybe your ex's mum was on a tight budget and she had to ask for some help paying for it, even so if she cant afford to have people over for dinner she shouldnt ask them over!
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
13 Dec 06
She and her husband had no problems financially. They had money.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
My kids ask if they can bring something to our dinners. If they insist I tell them to bring drinks or ask them if they want to bring pickles and olives.
@Gahagan (143)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Outrageous! No wonder he is your EX! LOL Good riddens to that family. Maybe you could have made a statement by packing your own meal and NOT paying the $20 or bringing a covered dish. That would be funny... pull up a seat at the dinner table and open a picnic basket for you and your husband. LOLOL
@yorb24 (2179)
• United States
12 Dec 06
This is absolutely ridiculous. I've never heard of such a thing. I've never had a relative ASK for payment or vice versa. Bringing a dish is enough. The strange part of it is SHE asked you both to come to dinner. You didn't offer to invite yourselves to her house. If she wants you to come, she shouldn't be charging money. She's not a restaurant. I'm embarrassed for her.
@kataztrophy (1836)
• United States
12 Dec 06
If any of them owed me some money, then yes I would have them donate it toward paying for the meal. It seems only fair, depending on the amount of money they may owe.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
We didn't owe anything. We were invited to dinner by his mother then later expected to pay for it.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
We could barely afford to buy gifts and then to have them ask for money for dinner really floored me.
@brendalee (6082)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I'm sorry but that is one of the rudest things I ever heard. Money has always been tight for us but we would never ask anyone to pay. I could understand bringing a dish. $20 seems like a large amount of money. Heck you could almost buy the fixings for the dinner yourself with that.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
This was back in 1978! A turkey would cost us maybe $5 at the most!
@melanie652 (2524)
• United States
12 Dec 06
No! That's tacky in my opinion! I might ask them to bring a side dish or a dessert, but not to pay for the meal?? If I wanted to pay $20 for a meal, I'd go out for dinner!
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Back in the late 70's you could eat well for $20. That was nearly a weeks groceries for us.
@ineedaname (957)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I find that very odd myself. I don't mind brings a dish but if I had to pay 20 bucks I would say forget it. I would go out to eat and not have to take a dish and be served. I would never ask for money if I was hosting.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I always bring something even if they tell me not to.
