Family doesn't accept my son. What do I do?
By mfrancq
@mfrancq (1806)
United States
December 12, 2006 2:50pm CST
My mother for some reason has a big problem with my husband and therefore so does the rest of the family. Unfortunately my eight month old son has to take the rap for it. I lost my grandmother last month and no one in the family even thought to call and let me know. I just found out by searching the net for something and came across the obituary. On top of that, in the great grandchildren section my child's name was not even listed. Why do families do things like this to each other? If they want to be mad at me that is fine. However, what did my eight month old ever do to them? I don't know how to approach this or even if I should. My family has not spoken to me in five months, not even an attempt. I also have not because they treated my husband and son very poorly. I feel that in order for them to respect me they must respect my husband and son as well. I am confused and very hurt. What do you suggest I do in this situation? Thanks for any advice!
3 people like this
14 responses
@lissaj (532)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Has your family given you a reason for not liking your husband? I think I would try to sit down with my mother and find out. You do need to let her know that if she chooses to continue to not include your husband and son as part of the family, she will be missing out on her grandsons' life. Maybe if you can find out the reason, something can be worked out. The bottom line in the end is that you are an adult, it is your decision. If your mom won't talk to you, try another family member. If your family won't accept your husband, then as hard as it may be, you are better off without them in your son's life. In the future, they will come to regret not being a part of it. But at least you will be able to say you tried.
@mfrancq (1806)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I don't know what is going on. I've tried talking to my mom and get nothing. The family is mad because my mom told all of them that my husband was abusive to her. However, my mom is the one that came to my house and pushed my husband into the wall, slammed her elbow into his cheast leaving a bruise, and then took her nails really hard down his arms. He was bleeding really bad. But she doesn't want the family mad at her, she knows she did wrong, so she is going to blame my husband for an easy out. After she did all this to my husband she began pushing me while I was holding my son, three months at the time, and I almost fell several times. It just makes me so angry she is being like this. She has left me no choice but to distance myself and my son from her, for our own safety.
@lissaj (532)
• United States
16 Dec 06
In that case, I would start telling the other family members the true story, whether they believe it or not. Your mother will get caught in her lie sometime. And if she is going to be like that, yes, you are better off away from her, but there is no reason to be away from the rest of your family.
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1806)
• United States
18 Dec 06
I agree, I just don't know if I feel like dealing with it right now. I have a little boy that keeps me pretty busy. Plus I don't want him to sense the tension from when I get all upset about it. I almost think it would be best to leave it alone. Let her have them. Is that bad?
@tbomb2002 (269)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Wow, it sounds like maybe your son is better off not knowing such hurtful people. Have you ever asked your mom what her problem with your husband is, or have you ever sat down and had a discussion with her about it?
@mfrancq (1806)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Yes I have, she just doesn't like that I am married. I think it has a lot to do with, she wanted me to stay young forever and depend on her for everything. I take it that she feels my husband is just in the way and that my son is from him so she's not to fond of that either. I agree with you though, I don't want hurtful people like that around my son. Unfortunately, I have not spoke to my mom since July because of all this.
@margieanneart (26423)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I am truly sorry to hear this. It is so sad. I do not understand why your family would behave like this. However, I have seen it so many times unfortuately in so many families. The only way to find out is to go to the sorce and ask right out, "what is the problem?" Good luck my dear, I really am sorry for you, your hubby and innocent son. It's them, that are loosing out.
@sarah22 (3979)
• United States
19 Dec 06
why are they been like this? If this was me, i would call them and ask why they are been this way. for them to not like your son who is 8 months is very wiered. what does your hubbie thik of this? i hope that it works out and that they are not mean to your son. children are a blessing.
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
We have the same situation. My family don't like my husband. But the thing is, just like you, they also want to get rid of me and my kids. I'd been away from my family for almost three years now. They won't accept me with my husband. The situation hurts me so much. My own family, but I cant do anything about it. It's like having on our own without afamily to share it with. But I guess for 3 yrs. now. I've got to use and accept it. And maybe you should also to ease tha pain.
@BittyBiddy (2903)
• Ireland
19 Dec 06
That must be very hard for you. I've no advice just to say I'm sorry you're experiencing those problems. Some of my husband's family don't want to acknowledge my children as part of the family and that too is very difficult. In my opinion they're not worth my time or effort, but it's different when it's more upsetting when it's your own family.
@findcutegj (1466)
• India
16 Dec 06
Family problems come in all shapes and sizes; some are short-lived and easily managed, while others are more chronic and difficult to handle. Stress points include events such as illness and injury, changing jobs, changing schools, moving and financial difficulties.
I think the most important factor is Poor Communication. Family members either avoid talking with one another, or have not learned how to listen well to what others are trying to say through their words, expressions or actions. I think your husband and mother need to talk a little more about the problems that they are having.
@tsuresh01 (821)
• India
16 Dec 06
just make ur family members or ur hus to that believe in our son and dont hate him.. and convenince him..
@pramodthakur (2365)
• India
16 Dec 06
You should simply avoid such family members who are neglecting you, hubby and your child. Enjoy the life with less family members, there are others too. Please develope relation with them also who love you and your family. Thinking about your mother's behavious all the time is not good. It will give you pain only, so try to forget them. After a some time, there will be change in mother's behavious. You do not know, mother is mother, and a mother is made for her children only. You/your family will get her love again later on, don't worry.......please.
@feathers26 (865)
• Philippines
16 Dec 06
It will take time for your mom to understand your situation,always pray that sooner your mom will understand your decision.
@reginadass (119)
• India
16 Dec 06
if your family does not like your husband and child it is always better for you not to go after them. also you should not be breaking your head in this regard. if people cannot respect people then there is sumthing wrong with your family. this im writing because i have heard only from your end.
@reginadass (119)
• India
16 Dec 06
if your family does not like your husband and child it is always better for you not to go after them. also you should not be breaking your head in this regard. if people cannot respect people then there is sumthing wrong with your family. this im writing because i have heard only from your end.
@marymaejazmine83 (470)
• Philippines
16 Dec 06
too bad that happened to you. let them be. as long as you are doing the right and have not done anything wrong with them. the problem is with them not with you.
@clickerz (471)
• Philippines
16 Dec 06
why they hate your husband? is ther any incident that trigger this? Sometimes its hard when family have conflicts.
I pray that these conflicts will be solve soon.
Good luck!
